


Disenchanted

by TwentySixNine (1529Jake)



Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: AU, College, F/M, Ferard, M/M, petekey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-25
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-01-05 04:20:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 65,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12182778
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1529Jake/pseuds/TwentySixNine
Summary: The first year of college isn't easy, especially when you're trying to balance work with a heartbroken little brother, trying to figure yourself out, a judgmental father, crazy new friendships... and an unfairly perfect, overly attractive roommate.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Admin Note: Hey! So, this is the first work by my new co-owner of this account, my friend TwentySixNine! I'm still gonna be around writing, but now she's going to be posting stories as well. I hope you all enjoy this one (I know I sure do), and I'll pass it off to you, my friend. -1529Jake
> 
> Hello everybody, so I wanted to start off by saying this is an AU, so while it is set in 2017 the ages are far from being accurate, and there are other details that don't match reality (that's why this is fiction). Also on my list of characters I have Bandit, Cherry, Lily and Miles, but they won't be their actual children and their last names won't be Way and Iero respectively. You'll see what I mean. I hope you enjoy.

Gerard tilted his head expectantly at the stormy sky over the brick building.  He waited for the first raindrop to fall, but instead the clouds lazily trailed across the sky not letting any of the water they carried go.  It was selfish, he thought to himself, but eventually they would have to let it all pour down, and when they finally did he’d be there to soak it up.  

“And then someone will help you carry it all to your room,” the all too excited girl beamed at Gerard.  She wore a shirt that advertised the college, and held a clipboard with the name Jessica in neat handwriting, and sparkly paint on the back of it.  He didn’t miss the once-over she gave him when they first arrived, and he certainly didn’t miss the double take when she finally saw his face.  “I’m Jessica Chobot.  I’m the RA for the second floor so let me know if you need anything, my door is  _ always _ open.”  Gerard didn’t even try to hide his smile, unlike his younger brother he loved showing off his pearly whites, especially when he was about to reject someone-of course it was his idea of making the whole ordeal less painful for both parties that brought along the appeal of smiling.

“My room is in the basement,” behind him he could hear his brother, Mikey, cough to cover up his own awkward laughter.  “I appreciate the offer though.”  Jessica looked him up and down again before turning on her heel.

“You probably shouldn’t smile like that,” Mikey clapped Gerard on the shoulder, “it gives them hope.  Rejection is better taken in a way that doesn’t seem like the person who is doing the rejecting is boasting.”  Gerard cocked his head to the side to get a better look at Mikey, before letting a devilish smile sneak past his usually happy demeanor.

“I’m sensing some personal experience Mikey,” he stepped out from his brother’s grip and gently patted his face.  The brothers stood eye to eye, neither of them were as happy as they seemed, saying goodbye was hard for them both, because over the years they had become best friends.  Whenever Mikey needed someone to talk to Gerard was there, ready to listen and dole out bad advice, and on rare occasions good advice.  And whenever Gerard was having one of his bad days Mikey was there to make sure that nobody would make them worse.  But the best thing was that the roles were always given the chance to be reversed, and when they were both of them took it all in stride.  “Did someone turn you down?”  Gerard looked over his shoulder to make sure his mother wasn’t looking before jerking his hand and pushing his tongue against the inside of his cheek.  The base of Mikey’s neck flamed up, but the blood didn’t travel any further.

“Really funny asshat,” Mikey pushed Gerard as his brother laughed that stupid bubbly laugh Mikey wasn’t sure was always 100 percent real.  Silently they walked around to the trunk of the car where their parents were unpacking the possessions Gerard had decided to bring along with him.  What they set on the ground Mikey and Gerard moved onto the sidewalk space marked in chalk by the number five, until everything he had brought was in boxes on the sidewalk.

“Now what?”  Their mother asked, her voice thick with tears that were waiting to spill.  Gerard gave her his biggest smile, before explaining what Jessica had just told him, even though he only vaguely heard what she had to say.   

 

* **

 

“I think it’s quite fitting that they exiled you to the basement,” Mikey teased Gerard once everything was set up.  They both sat on Gerard’s bed, watching as their father tried to get their mother to stop “tidying up” so they could get back home before it got dark out.  It was a painful sight, it made Gerard feel guilty for choosing a school that was so far from home, it had since they put down the $200 deposit.

“I think so too,” Gerard said paying only half attention to his brother.  Tears rolled down their mom’s face as she reorganized the few articles of clothing that were hung up in his closet.  All he could think was that it was his fault that she was hurting.  Deep inside the pit of his stomach that thought ate away at him, but for a second it was interrupted by a sudden burst of pain on his shoulder.  “What the fuck was that for Mikey?”  

“She’ll be fine,” Mikey insisted, “and she’ll be even better when you graduate and put that Fine Arts Degree to work.  She’ll be reading your comics and bursting with pride.  This is a temporary pain, her pride for your hard work will be something she won’t ever let go.”  Gerard smiled, his brother always knew how to make things a little bit brighter when the entire world was starting to go pitch black.  

“You’re right,” Gerard jumped off the bed, and did what had to be done.  He took his mother’s hand and gave it a quick pat before pulling her into a hug.  “Mom I love you, but you’ve got to go home.  You can call me whenever you want, I can’t promise that I’ll always answer, but I’ll always call you back.”  

She gasped a sob, before squeezing Gerard tighter than he thought was physically possible.  That gnawing in the pit of his stomach started up again, but she pulled away giving him a smile that made it stop as soon as it started.

“I’m so proud of you,” she kissed his cheek.

 

***

 

The door to the dorm room creaked open, revealing the mysterious roommate Gerard only knew the name of: Frank.  He stumbled in carrying a box that looked way too large for one person to carry, but somehow he was managing.

“Need help?”  Gerard asked propping himself up on his elbow to get a better look of his new roommate.  He almost choked when he finally got a look at Frank.  He was pretty short, but looked like he could and would challenge anyone who even so much as thought of him in a way he didn’t like.  It was a shocking combination, but for some reason it made Gerard smile.  And when Frank finally looked at him, he couldn’t help but flush in embarrassment.  

“Listen Rose I don’t have time to draw you like one of my French girls,” Frank chided.  Gerard laid back down staring at the ceiling trying to hide the heated blood in his face.  What a great foot to start off on, Gerard mocked himself in his thoughts.  “You’re Gerard right?”  Frank asked just as he dropped the box with a solid thud.  

“Yes,” Gerard threw his left arm over his face, still feeling a little embarrassed by his first impression.  Although he didn’t think it was _too_ bad, Frank made a  _ Titanic _ reference so at least he knew his roommate had good taste in films.

“You’re dramatic,” Frank said offhandedly as he began to throw his stuff on his bed. From the corner of Gerard’s eye he saw each item bounce back up a little bit, and he also noticed Frank’s New Jersey accent which made Gerard feel a little more at home easing the tiniest bit of homesickness he had already began to feel.

“Yeah I’ve been told that,” Gerard sat up letting his legs dangle off the side of his bed.  “Where are you from?”  Gerard watched Frank as he unpacked his belongings, his movements were smooth and graceful another thing that shocked Gerard because his appearance would’ve suggested otherwise.

“Belleville,” Frank didn’t even need to clarify that he meant Belleville, New Jersey because Gerard’s accent was even more evident than his own.  

“I’m from Summit,” Gerard told Frank even though he didn’t ask.  Something told Gerard that Frank wasn’t the talkative type, but he didn’t seem necessarily unfriendly either.  Actually, so far Frank was reminding Gerard of his ex-girlfriend Lindsey, it was weird, but comforting.  “We actually don’t live all too far away from each other.”  

Frank just nodded his head, his longer black hair moved with each tilt back and forth.  The room fell into a heavy silence that made Gerard squirm, and there wasn’t much to say to the roommate he just met.  Unsure of what to do Gerard laid back down so at the very least he wasn’t staring directly at Frank.  He didn’t stop watching Frank though, he watched him move around the room with his periphery vision, there was just something intriguing about his roommate that left Gerard unable to take his eyes off of Frank.  Gerard was enthralled particularly by the tattoos that decorated Frank’s skin, and he couldn’t stop the thought that floated into his head that those tattoos looked hot.  Hell, Gerard reasoned with his thoughts, Frank was hot.  He could admit it to himself even if it confused him beyond belief.  

 

***     

 

Neither Frank nor Gerard had left their room, and they really didn’t say much to each other.  Eventually Gerard had fallen asleep, and Frank sat in silence trying to figure out how to deal with the issue at hand.  The issue being his attractive roommate, and his own self-control.  Last year was hard for him, and he thought going to school the next state over would give him enough space from all of it, but Gerard was something entirely different.  Gerard was a complication.

He looked at his sleeping roommate and held back a sigh.  After accidentally coming out last year Frank and his father had barely spoken, even though Frank wanted nothing more than to explain it to his father in a way he would understand.  Looking at Gerard he wondered if his dad would understand if he tried to explain it with Gerard’s picture close at hand.  The boy was hot, it was a subtle kind of hot, and yet Frank didn’t doubt that everyone noticed it.  But it wasn’t just that he was hot, no to Frank, Gerard was also beautiful, even though he had only caught a quick glance of his eyes Frank knew that they were perfect.  They were the kind that were hard to tell if they were hazel or a light brown, and Frank had a thing for eyes like that.  

A knock on the door pulled Frank out of his head, and had Gerard sitting up fast as if he had been having a horrible nightmare.  All of the sudden Frank was hyper aware of the way he had just creepily watched his roommate sleep.  

“Mandatory floor meeting in five minutes,” a guy called out and moved onto the next door saying the same thing, hitting the door twice as loud.  Gerard rubbed his eyes before turning towards Frank who was already looking at him.  Wordlessly they both climbed off their beds, Gerard checked the mirror to make sure he hadn’t drooled in his sleep, absentmindedly he fixed his wild, dyed red hair.  Frank hoped it wasn’t obvious that he was watching Gerard he whole time.    

“Hey Jack,” Gerard turned to face Frank.

“My name is Frank,” Frank corrected feeling flustered.

“I know, I was going with the  _ Titanic  _ thing,” Frank was slowly starting to see the picture, and understand the joke.  “You called me Rose, so that would make you Jack.”  Gerard said with a small laugh.  Only both boys turned away from each other once they realized what implications came with calling each other Rose and Jack.  Frank bit down on the inside of his lip to keep from smiling, the whole time wondering how he was going to manage having such an attractive roommate.  

“Well, uh, we should probably go,” Frank made his way to the door his room key in hand.  Gerard followed behind him still embarrassed by his comment, and trying his hardest to get the blood in his face to disperse.  “What’s your major?”  Frank asked finally trying to get to know the guy he was lusting after.  Part of Frank hoped that Gerard was as perfect on the inside as he was on the outside, while another part hoped he was the most obnoxious kind of human being.  As he waited for Gerard’s answer Frank thought of the majors that would be a put off: Psychology, Philosophy, Political Science, and any other douchey majors he could think of.

“Fine Arts,” Gerard answered waiting for the onslaught of shitty things people usually said to him when they found out.  It always took him to that dark side of the world, and this time Mikey wasn’t there to remind Gerard that nobody’s opinion mattered except for his own.

“That’s really fucking cool,” Frank turned almost whacking Gerard in the head with his swinging arms.  This guy, Gerard thought, is full of surprises.  “What do you want to do?”  The enthusiasm was beyond that of any Gerard had ever run into, and he appreciated it.  Frank, however, didn’t know how to feel about this.  The idea of Gerard being an artist was just one more thing that Frank couldn’t resist, and he had to dial back his enthusiasm even though it probably didn’t look like he was dialing anything back.  

“Comic Books,” Gerard mumbled, “I want to create my own Comic Books.”  Frank broke out into a smile after hearing this.  The part of him that wanted Gerard to be perfect was getting what it wanted.  

“That’s really fucking cool,” Frank repeated his earlier statement which made Gerard chuckle.  Somewhere in the back of Gerard’s mind he found himself commenting on Frank’s smile and how cute it was.  Ever since he could remember he would have thoughts like that about guys, the same way he’d get them about girls, but lately they had mostly been about guys.  It was part of the reason he broke up with Lindsey.  The whole thing confused him, but the older he got the more he understood it, and it scared him.  If it was what he thought it was, it would only give people more reason to hate him.  The thought alone made his skin itch and crawl.  “Are you working on anything?”

Gerard barely talked about his work with anyone, Mikey was the only exception really.  “Yeah, it’s nothing great,” Mikey would tell Frank otherwise, but Mikey wasn’t here, “what about you?  What’s your major?”  

“Nothing as cool as Fine Arts,” Frank felt embarrassed as he said, “I’m actually undeclared.  I have no idea what I want to do with my life, but I had to get away from home.”  Before they knew it they were in front of the Basement’s student lounge where everyone who got stuck in the basement were chatting away as if they had known each other forever.  The idea of being so friendly with such a large group of strangers had Frank putting walls up, it wasn’t appealing to him in anyway.  Gerard on the other hand didn’t mind it too much, even though he would rather not, but he noticed the way Frank had sunken back, Mikey did that a lot.

“Want to sit back there?”  Gerard pointed to the back of the room where nobody was.  Frank shrugged his shoulders, and let Gerard lead the way to the back of the room, everybody stared at Gerard and then Frank.  And once they got a good look at both of them they chose one to watch until they were sitting down.  “So...undeclared, that’s actually pretty cool.  You have so many options, and your future is wide open.”  

“I guess,” Frank sat on the floor hiding his body in the corner of the room, doing his best to sink into the background.  Gerard found it cute, just another thought to be filed into the filing cabinet of confusion.  “It also means I’m a deadbeat, who is just using college as an excuse to get away from my dick of a father.”  Too much, Frank thought, that was way too much for someone he had just met.  It was more than he would divulge to any of his “friends” back home.  But Gerard just seemed easy to talk to, like he would understand if Frank gave him the chance to listen to all of his problems.  They had just met but Frank was already putting too many expectations on this poor guy, and most of them turned him into an idea of a person rather than an actual person and it wasn’t fair to either of them. 

“Sounds rough,” Gerard admitted, after years of practice with Mikey he knew that if somebody wanted to talk about it they would when they were ready.  Forcing it only hurt everyone involved.  “Do you have siblings?”  Frank looked at Gerard and let his lips twitch into a fleeting smile to thank him for not pressing, and for changing the subject so that Frank wouldn’t have to.

“No, I’m an only child,” Frank told Gerard, “I’m guessing you have a sibling though.”  

“You got me,” Gerard chuckled, “I have a younger brother, Mikey.  He’s still in high 

school, I’m going to miss the kid.”  Frank nodded, he never had a brother, or anyone growing up really.  It was always just him and his parents, and most of the time it was just him and his mom.  His father never spent much time with him growing up.  

Frank was just about ask what it was like having a brother, but the RAs started to talk.  The guy started by introducing himself as Bob, and the way he spoke alone was enough to make Frank realize he didn’t like the guy.  Gerard tuned him out annoyed by the arrogance that slipped into his words.  The female RA was better, her name was Jamia, and Gerard couldn’t help but notice the interest she took in Frank.  She kept looking over at him like she wanted everyone to clear out and give them sometime alone together.  

“You’ve got an admirer,” Gerard taunted, leaning in close to make sure only Frank could hear him.  Jamia watched carefully as he did so, she stumbled on her words like whatever she couldn’t hear Gerard whisper was more important than fire safety procedures.  

“You’re crazy,” Frank whispered back, but he did start to notice all of the glances she sent his way, even making eye contact with her that had her face burning red.  Frank didn’t care about that though, instead he focused on Gerard’s hair.  It was on the longer side, kind of like his own, but it was a bright red.  Just as Frank thought about running his hands through Gerard’s hair, Gerard did it himself pushing it out of his face.

The floor meeting dragged on, neither paid attention to anything that was being said, because they were busy lost in their own thoughts.  And just when the pairing thought it was over, the RAs said the most dreadful thing either of them could’ve imagined happening.

“Now for the ice breaker, usually we start with this, but we thought we’d shake it up.”  Jamia glanced at Frank again.  Gerard had actually started counting the number of times she looked, and it was in the high fifties now.  Gerard couldn’t blame her though, Frank’s young and reckless vibe was appealing along with his perfectly shaped face and hazel eyes.

“We’re going to be playing two tonight,” Bob corrected as he started to pass around paper and pencils.  “The first is called four corners, divide your paper into four squares.  In the first square draw a picture that you believe represents your major, in the second box a picture that represents a hobby of yours, the third is for a picture of one thing you’ll miss from home, and the final box is for what you hope to get out of your freshman year.”  Frank watched Gerard’s eyes lit up when he heard the word draw, and when Bob finally made it to them Gerard greedily snatched the paper.  What he didn’t notice was the weird glance Bob gave him, Frank felt a hint of protectiveness, but said nothing. 

“We’ll give you about 10 minutes, feel free to talk.”  Jamia added.  Frank watched as Gerard drew quick sketches that looked better than anything Frank could even imagine drawing.  He was done before Frank even started.  

“That was quick,” Frank mumbled, looking over Gerard’s drawings.  “Want to do mine for me, I can’t draw for shit.”  

“Yeah, actually that would be fun,” Gerard picked up the paper Frank had set aside.  “What do you want to represent your major?”

“I don’t know,” Frank muttered, “how about a really cool question mark.” Gerard nodded his head and sketched out a question mark that he filled with all sorts of things.  

“What’s a hobby of yours,” Gerard asked poising the pencil for the next drawing.  Frank was still stuck on how Gerard had managed to turn a simple question mark into something that was cool and complex. 

“I play the guitar,” Frank said picking up Gerard’s work.  He didn’t notice the cartoonish self portrait Gerard had drawn of himself singing.  “These are amazing, but this one,” Frank pointed to the third box, “is that a guy on a unicorn?”

Gerard glanced up at Frank trying to get the features right in such a small box.  “Uh yeah,” he said offhandedly, “that’s my brother Mikey, he loves unicorns.  It’s kind of this joke, that isn’t completely untrue.”  Gerard loved the way it felt to draw Frank, it just seemed right.  And it was easy to picture him playing guitar, so adding that to the drawing wasn’t too hard.

“You two seem close,” Frank commented.

“Yeah, well Mikey’s my best friend.  What are you going to miss?”  Frank had to think about it.  

“My mom, she’s a saint,” he thought about how she accepted him, and how she promised things would get better.  Wordlessly he pulled out his phone to show Gerard a picture so he could draw her.  It was the first time Frank really thought about what leaving Belleville meant, and the only thing he thought of was how much he’d miss his mother.  It wasn’t enough to make him homesick though.

“And finally what do you want out of freshman year?”  Gerard looked at his own box that was handwritten with no picture, and Frank looked at it too.  It said:  _ For things to make sense _ .  Frank wanted to ask, but remembered how Gerard had let him stay silent about his father.  

“I can handle this one,” Frank gently took the paper from Gerard and wrote this last one out:   _ To be fucking happy _ .  


	2. Chapter 2

The second ice breaker went horribly wrong, it involved public speaking and linking arms, and somehow Gerard had been sandwiched in between Frank and Jamia who kept trying to talk to Frank.  It was awkward, but Gerard could handle awkward situations.  

Gerard and Frank were back in their room, and the silence was killing Gerard, but he didn’t know what to say.  Usually he was good with people, he didn’t necessarily like people, but he _didn’t_ really hate them either.  But there was something about Frank that made him want to say all the right things.  

“Do you smoke?”  Frank asked finally breaking the silence.  He had a pack of cigarettes in his hands, of course Gerard noticed, even watched as Frank spun them around a few times examining the pack as if they might be compromised.  

“Don’t tell my mom,” Gerard joked grabbing a pack of his own cigarettes off his desk.  The idea of Gerard hiding the habit from his mother had Frank smirking and wondering if there was anything else he was keeping a secret.  “Want to take a smoke break?”  Gerard was already hopping off his bed and pulling on his sneakers before Frank could answer.  When he bent over Frank couldn’t resist watching, his internal monologue was commenting on Gerard’s ass as if he was a judge on some cheesy talent based TV show, and Gerard’s ass was a contender for first place.  

He cleared his throat and his thoughts, before responding.  His voice was a little hoarse as he said, “Why not?”  He climbed off his own bed, slipping on his shoes, and when he looked up Gerard was smiling at him.  It was a crooked smile that showed off every last one of his teeth and shone with enthusiasm, it made Frank’s heart skip a needed beat.  “Alright, let’s go find somewhere to light up.”  As they headed out the door Frank thought of the dark sky and pulled a jacket off a hanger before following Gerard.  The door slammed behind them even though Frank tried to close it without making any noise at all.

“That’s going to be annoying,” Gerard sighed packing his cigarettes getting the tobacco to rest where it would best help him relax.  It was a habit just like smoking, and the act of packing settled any anxiety he was feeling, just like smoking.  But he didn’t need to smoke for anxiety, he realized as he climbed up the stairs, Frank closely behind him, but because of all of the confusion he was feeling.  

“What’s going to be really annoying is finding somewhere to smoke,” Frank muttered already irritated with the idea of having to leave campus just to enjoy his daily doses of nicotine.  He watched as Gerard nodded his head in agreement and packed his cigarettes once again.  “Luckily we’re in the Dorm Hall closest to edge of campus, so it can’t be too far.”  Again Gerard just nodded his head in agreement.  Once they reached the landing, they stood side by side rather than one in front of the other, Frank didn’t mind being next to Gerard, but also didn’t mind being behind him.  Both views were pleasant.  

Just as they were about to head out of the building someone called out to Gerard.  Together they turned toward the voice, Frank wasn’t sure what to expect, but it looked like Gerard knew who was attempting to get his attention.  “Hey I didn’t know you were in this hall,” the mystery guy jogged down the stairs.

Frank eyed him up and down.  He was hot, but in a different way than Gerard was, Frank thought to himself.  His hair was cut short with bangs that cut across his face but didn’t exactly cover his eyes.  He was built like someone who had just started working out, and telling from his accent he wasn’t a friend that Gerard knew from high school back in New Jersey.  

“Same here,” Gerard told him with a smile.  “I’m surprised Mikey didn’t say anything.”  Frank recognized the name Mikey as Gerard’s brother.  

“We haven’t talked all that much,” the mystery guy admitted with a hint of disappointment.  Frank watched carefully not really sure what was going to happen, or if the pair would acknowledge his presence at all.  

“Really,” Gerard didn’t sound too surprised, but he tried to seem shocked.  “So...this is my roommate Frank, Frank this is Pete, we met at orientation.”  Frank and Pete greeted each other with a simple ‘hey’ and a nod.  

“You guys heading out?”  Pete asked leaning against the railing crossing his arms over his chest.  All three guys turned to glance out of the glass door, it was getting dark out and the sky was still keeping the water all to itself not caring who might need it.  

“Yeah,” Gerard held up his cigarettes, “I’d invite you along but I know you don’t smoke.”  Pete pursed his lips and nodded.  A silence feel over the trio and no one really knew what to do to break it.  Gerard’s hand ached for his phone so he could text Mikey, but he was worried it would be too obvious.  Frank looked over at Gerard only to see him pack his cigarettes once again, he wondered how many times Gerard would do it before he finally got to smoke one.  

The sound of a door opening and closing had them turning towards the top of the stairwell.  Gerard and Pete both sighed, exasperated, and shared a look that told some kind of mutual story that Frank was unaware of.  At the top of the stairs stood Jessica who looked all too excited once again.  As she made her way down the steps her eyes bounced from Gerard to Pete to Frank until she made it to the very bottom.

“Hey, long time no see,” she joked laughing, both Pete and Gerard exhaled a very forced laugh.  She didn’t seem to notice.  “I’m sorry I’m going to need a refresher on the names, I’ve met someone new students today, you were not one of them though,” she turned to Frank and pointed at him.  Something about it felt menacing to Frank and he had to fight back the uncomfortable urge to flee back down the stairs to his room.

“I’m Jason,” Pete smiled.  Gerard coughed but Frank could practically see the laughter that almost fell out instead.

“Gerard,” he said patting his chest as if he couldn’t breathe.

“I’m Frank,” Frank murmured still getting a vibe that he didn’t necessarily like.

“Well I’m Jessica,” she said offering her hand to Frank to shake.  He quickly shook Jessica’s hand before dropping it.  “I’m heading over to the dining hall all by myself, do the three of you want to join?  I’ll show you around too.”

“Frank and I are doing some roommate bonding,” Gerard piped up first.  Frank was grateful that his roommate didn’t leave him hanging, not that he thought that Gerard would do something like that.  “Jason, was just about to let us know if he wanted to tag along.”  Frank couldn’t help but notice how nice Gerard was, not only did he cover for his roommate, but he was also covering for Pete while also giving the option to say yes to Jessica’s offer.  

“Gerard,” Pete started, “I appreciate the offer, but I think I’ll go to dinner with Jessica.  My roommate Patrick and I were thinking about going anyway, I’ll go get him.”  Jessica beamed at Pete as he headed back up the stairs, Frank and Gerard took the moment of distraction as the perfect opportunity to escape.  They hurried outside, Gerard almost tripping over the metal door frame.  As they stumbled down the steps the pair held back laughter.  

“Who was that?”  Frank asked watching as Gerard still struggled with walking straight.  If this was Gerard in a hurry, Frank really couldn’t imagine how uncoordinated he would be while drunk, but deep down Frank figured it was cute and endearing the way it was while he was sober.  There was no way that Gerard could be an annoying drunk, Frank told himself just creating a higher pedestal for Gerard to fall off when the time did finally come.  

“Jessica, a RA who seems to be very adamant on getting a taste of Freshman fresh meat.”  Gerard had finally managed to right himself and when he looked up at Frank he had to flip his hair out of his face with a jerk of his head.  It was cute, and not unlike Frank’s way of doing it.  But in this Frank saw an opportunity he was more than ready to take advantage of.

“What, you’re not looking for a college girl?”  Frank glanced at Gerard out of the corner of his eyes, but looked down at the sidewalk when he saw the way Gerard was already looking at him.  It was intense, almost as if the question was more complicated than Frank thought it was.  Maybe it was.

“Uh,” Gerard rubbed the back of his neck, “I’m not really sure what I’m looking for.  I mean I just got out of a pretty serious relationship, but I think it died a long time before we both decided to let it go.  All I know is that if I am looking, it’s not for someone who is desperate enough to seek me out.”

Frank exhaled, the question didn’t seem so weighted when he asked it, but the answer sure was heavier than he could’ve expected.  Gerard’s answer said a lot about him, and it had Frank reeling, not really sure what to address, or if he even should address any of it.  That whole relationship thing seemed like something that would’ve become really toxic if they hadn’t decided to cut the ties, and it also made Frank wonder who finally had the strength to do it.  But then there was the fact that Gerard didn’t seem to have confidence in himself, and that he really didn’t see how attractive he was.  Of course she would seek him out, he was the best looking guy she had probably seen all day, in Frank’s eyes Gerard was definitely the best looking guy he had seen all day.  It broke Frank’s heart, and even if he didn’t feel a connection to Gerard, it still would’ve had the same affect on him.  Although he may not have seemed like it, Frank was a bleeding heart, and people who didn’t value themselves always made him want to help.  He remembered when he had gotten to that point, how much it hurt, and how little he wanted to try to stop the pain and yet it was all he thought about.  Frank admittedly had to deal with that negativity he still drowned himself in, but he had finally accepted himself enough to want to get rid of it all.  But not only did Frank notice that, he also noticed that Gerard didn’t use any pronouns, and went as far as to say “someone” instead.  Frank knew he was just reading into it, but he wanted it to mean something. 

“What about you?  It looks like Jamia couldn’t keep her eyes off of you.”  Gerard teased Frank, hyper aware of how much those three sentences said about him.  It was more than he had intended them to.

“I’m not looking,” Frank said looking up, “but if I was it wouldn’t help Jamia.  She isn’t really my type.”  Frank wanted to jump up in excitement.  This was going better than he planned, especially when Gerard said:

“Not your type?  You hardly know her, how could you possibly know whether she’s your type or not?”  Gerard tipped his head to the right to motion for them to both start walking.  They matched paces easily.

“It was obvious,” Frank’s chest bubbled in excitement as he said, “she doesn’t have a dick.”  He looked at Gerard, happy that he had finally got to say it.  To tell somehow he was gay and not worry about his father threatening him for “spreading that shit around town.”

“I never would’ve guessed,” Gerard said looking over at Frank with a smile.  Frank burst into a smile of his own, it was the best response he had gotten, it was the first one accompanied with a smile.  “You’re full of surprises Frank Iero.”  He had heard that before, but not the way Gerard had said it, he had never heard it like it was a good thing.

They walked in silence, both lost in their own chaotic minds.  Gerard was lost trying to figure out why he had said 'someone,' and also why he was happy to find out that Frank was gay.  And Frank was trying to figure out how he could help Gerard, because it was clear that he wasn’t happy.  Even the worse people deserved to be happy, and Gerard was far from being in that category of human beings.  Frank really couldn’t say the same thing about his own father though.  No matter how hard he tried not to think about that, it always came back to the forefront of his mind.  And each time it killed him a little more.

***

 

It took almost an hour but they had finally found a place to smoke.  It was under a huge Oak Tree in a sad excuse for a park.  Gerard leaned against it, packing his cigarettes one last time before pulling one out.  Frank watched as he did it so gracefully.  It was intoxicating the way Gerard moved the cigarette to his lips placing it there, Frank wondered if the cigarette knew how lucky it was to be able to call the place between Gerard’s lips it’s home.  

Clearing his throat Frank asked, “Need a light?”  The base of his neck was starting to heat up, and he didn’t fight it.

Gerard nodded his head.  Cautiously Frank crossed the distance between them, pulling out of the pocket of his jeans, the metal lighter he had stolen from a gas station back home.  He was going to hand it to Gerard so he could light the cigarette himself, but Gerard leaned forward waiting for Frank to set the thing ablaze.  They were close, and Frank wasn’t sure he could handle being so close to Gerard for much longer.  As fast as he could manage, without lighting Gerard’s perfect hair on fire, he lit the cigarette and recreated some of the distance they had before.  Frank couldn’t help but wonder if Gerard felt the same pull he did, or if it was just some part of Frank that wanted to find someone to understand him.  

Slowly Frank lit his own cigarette breathing in the smoke as if it would save him from all the shit he couldn’t save himself from.  It was a lot of pressure to place on such a small thing, but it eased the tension in his shoulders nonetheless.  Lazily he watched as Gerard did the same thing, taking a drag of the cigarette like it was the only thing keeping him alive.  His eyes were closed as he did so, and he looked peaceful.  Slowly his heavy lids lifted and he caught Frank staring at him.  

“I’m going to quite someday,” Gerard hummed, let going of the smoke that filled his lungs.  

“Why don’t you try to quite now?”  Frank took a drag of his own dropping his hand once his lungs were full.

“I’m still working shit out,” Gerard tapped the end of the cigarette.  “Once I’ve figured everything out I won’t need to smoke, so that’s when I’ll quite.”  It was definitive, and Frank believed him even as Gerard closed his eyes again to take in another breath of smoke like there was no other solution to whatever he was dealing with.  The conviction in is his voice was far more convincing than the carefree way he took the smoke in.  

“That sounds like a good plan,” Frank said.  He wanted to make the same promise, but in the end he never saw himself being able to accomplish figuring it all out.

 

***

 

“I hate this part,” Gerard told Frank as he put his cigarette out on the bottom of his shoe.  “It feels good in the moment, but once I put the cigarette out I feel like shit for developing such a disgusting habit.”  Instead of dropping it on the grass Gerard walked over to a trash can to discard the cigarette butt.  The action had Frank feeling self-conscious about how he planned to flick his own off into the thick brush even though he saw the trash can from where he stood.  

“Want to finish mine,” Frank wasn’t really sure what possessed him to offer Gerard the little bit of the cigarette he had left.  But that smile Gerard gave him was enough reason. 

“Why not?”  Their fingertips brushed against each other sending both of their heart rates to a peak.  Gerard placed the cigarette between his lips, and all but moaned, happy to get a few more drags before heading back to campus.  Although he was sure he was imagining it Gerard could’ve sworn he could taste the residue of Frank’s lips amongst the smoke, nicotine, and tobacco.  Faintly there was an added salty, sweet taste that normally wasn’t there, it added an extra sense of euphoria to the habit he loved and hated.  It also had him wondering if that was actually what Frank’s lips tasted like.  Lazily he looked at the other boy’s lips, noticing that they were slightly chapped, and cracked.  Not only were they chapped, they were perfectly thin and narrow, not obnoxiously plump like someone had filled them with too much plastic.  But the most exciting thing about them was the tiny hole, that suggested a lip piercing.  And as the corners of those same lips started to tilt into a smirk Gerard had realized that he had been caught.  Choking on the smoke he had been holding in for too long he met Frank’s eyes, “Lip piercing?” 

“I’m trying to decide if I want it or not,” Frank admitted bemused and delighted to have had captured Gerard’s attention with his lips.  “I like it, but I don’t know if it’s something that will hold me back in the future.”

“What about your tattoos?”  Gerard asked, putting Frank’s cigarette out and disposing it the same way he had disposed of his own.  

“They’re different somehow,” Frank admitted not sure how else to describe it.  Honestly he didn’t think he understood, but it still made sense to him somehow.  “I’m actually thinking about getting another one soon.”

“Of what,” they both started to head back to their new abode.  A place Frank was ready to call home, and Gerard was just barely willing to acknowledge as his new bedroom.  Gerard walked a little slower than he was use to, not ready to go back and Frank respectfully matched it. 

“I don’t know yet,” just the thought of getting another tattoo was exciting.  “I want one on my inner bottom lip though, so something small.”  Both boys licked there lips trying to imagine the pain it would cause, before cringing.  

“I hate needles,” Gerard shuddered at the thought of being stabbed repeatedly by a needle, even if the idea of a tattoo was more than intriguing.  “I don’t think I could get passed that.”  Gerard admitted looking to gauge Frank’s reaction.

“Do you want one?”  Frank wasn’t looking at Gerard, instead he focused on the dreary sky above them.

“Not particularly,” Gerard glanced up too, “I think a scorpion tattoo would be badass.  But that's coming from someone who is afraid of needles.”  

Frank laughed under his breath as the first drop of rain fell in the space between his eyes causing them to snap shut.  And that's how the downpour started, one raindrop that snuck loose of the clouds grasp opened a gateway for all the others.  Before Frank could acknowledge the one he felt they all came rushing down.  The jacket he had slung over his arm waited for him to slip it on, but he looked over at Gerard who had nothing.

“Here,” Frank offered holding out the jacket.  

“Thanks,” Gerard said while shaking his head.  Each movement sent raindrops flying off the end of his hair.  “I’m okay.”  Although Gerard appreciated the gesture, it made his stomach twist in delight, he didn’t accept it.  He had promised the sky he would soak up every raindrop that fell when it finally had the strength to let them go, and quite honestly he needed it as much as the sky did.  Every cold drop woke him up, but not only did it wake him up, it made him feel alive in a way nothing else did. 

Frank looked Gerard in the eye trying to figure out at least the framework of the puzzle, but he wasn’t sure he had enough of the edge pieces to even begin putting them together.  “You sure?”  Frank tested the question again, wondering if the refusal was out of sheer politeness.  And even if it wasn’t he still wanted Gerard to take the jacket.

“Yeah,” Gerard smiled, “I love the rain.”  But even as Gerard said this he took the jacket from Frank, draping it over his own arm.  Gerard wanted Frank to experience the downpour, to feel every drop of liquid moonlight that he could, it was something that Gerard felt Frank might be able to appreciate like he did.  Meanwhile Frank was confused as to why Gerard took the jacket but didn’t put it on, not that Frank had intended to wear it if Gerard didn’t have one of his own.  But none of that mattered to Frank when Gerard paused, opened his arms wide and looked up letting the rain pour down on his face.  It took all of Frank’s will power not to reach out to Gerard, and even more to avoid thinking about how the rain glistened on Gerard’s thin cupid’s bow lips.  It was a picture perfect moment, but instead all Frank could do was engrave it in his mind, hoping the memory would last forever. 

They walked back to their dorm, each raindrop carrying a different part of them.  It was intoxicating to both of them to be in the middle of a downpour with nothing between them and the rain.  By the time they got back to their hall, they were laughing and neither of them really knew why.  Frank fumbled trying to get his key and ID card out, the rain making it slippery.  And just as he dropped his card Jamia appeared from the basement.  Upon seeing both of them she rushed over to let them in.  They were still laughing, as they thanked her.  Frank’s ID almost forgotten.

“You guys are going to get sick,” Jamia said, a hint of color coming to her face as she took in the soaked Frank.  Gerard’s laughter got caught in his throat as he watched Jamia examine Frank like he was a patient at a free clinic.  Frank didn’t seem to notice though, instead the laughter died with a giant smile, as he kept his eyes on Gerard.  “You have a jacket, why didn’t you put it on?”  She questioned Gerard, the tone made him think of his mother.  Laughter spilled out all over again, it was so overwhelming he leaned forward hoping it would help him bring in some air.  Frank watched with his heart racing, seeing Gerard laugh and smile like that was probably his favorite thing in the world.  He was afraid of how fast he was getting attached to Gerard even though he barely knew anything about him.

“It would be rude to take Frank’s jacket and  _ wear  _ it,” Gerard said in between laughter.

Now Jamia looked over at Gerard, feeling even more confused.  Standing back up Gerard handed Frank his jacket back.  “Are you two drunk?”  It was clear that Jamia was conflicted about the idea of finding two minors who were now under her supervision drunk on their first night at college, especially since one was Frank.  

“No,” Frank told her tucking the jacket under his arm.  “Just enjoying life,” again Frank looked over at Gerard not really intending to do so, but in the moment it was exactly what he meant.  Gerard sobered up when he caught Frank staring at him as if they were the only two who mattered in the world, and he would’ve returned the same look if someone didn’t bump him from behind.  

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Pete apologized even as he was falling.  Jessica watched shocked, but Pete’s roommate Patrick just shook his head as if he had been dealing with a lot of bullshit all night.  

“Classic Jason,” Jessica giggled, holding her hand out to help Pete up.  Instead he stood up using the back of Gerard’s shirt as an anchor.  It was clear Jessica wasn’t happy, but she hid it pretty quickly.  

“Hey again Gerard, and Frank.” Pete greeted, “This is my roommate Patrick.  Patrick this is Frank, Gerard’s roommate.”  Patrick stuck his hand out, and Frank shook it.  It was almost instant that Frank knew that Patrick wasn’t as outgoing as Pete, it was clear that they had a working dynamic.

“How was dinner?”  Gerard asked aware of the water that was dripping off his hair.  Pete smirked and Patrick just shook his head again.  Jessica grinned nice and wide.  But none of them answered.  “Uh, okay, Patrick how’re things going?”

“Alright,” Patrick said looking extremely uncomfortable.  “Pete’s been pumping out songs for out band like crazy, it’s like a muse struck him.”  All of the sudden Pete’s face started to redden, clearly he was embarrassed.

“I’m going to kick your ass Patty Cakes,” and with that Patrick and Pete were making a mad dash up the stairs.  They were slipping all over the place because of the wet floors, and just when it looked like Pete was going to grab ahold of Patrick he fell again.  Patrick didn’t look back as he darted back out into the rain.  “Fuck!”  Pete yelled, getting back up to go after Patrick, he was laughing and smiling like usual though.

The sudden absence of Pete and Patrick had Jessica sulking, she left without even uttering a single word.  Somehow it was just Frank, Gerard and Jamia who still didn’t seem convinced that the two guys hadn’t been drinking.  “Listen it’s the first night, and you two seem responsible enough, just don’t do anything stupid and avoid Bob.  He’s a tool, I don’t know how he got the job, but whatever.”  She stepped aside to let the pair go back downstairs.  “Make sure you get warmed up, we don’t want anybody getting sick.”  Frank and Gerard nodded and headed back to their room.  Just like Pete and Patrick they were slipping, but both managed to stay upright.  The carpet in the hallway helped them dry off the bottom of their sneakers just enough so that when they got back to their room they didn’t get the floor wet.

“I think I’m going to go hop in the shower,” Frank told Gerard as he grabbed everything he needed.  He was about to ask Gerard if he wanted to come too, but then he remembered he was going to shower, and that be really weird.  

“Okay, I will in a bit, I just need to make a phone call,” Gerard told Frank as he was heading out of the room.  Quickly Gerard pulled out his phone and dialed Mikey’s number.  As the phone rang he wondered what he would even say to his brother, but at the same time he didn’t know what  _ not _ to say.  

“Gerard?”  Mikey asked, he sounded worried. 

“Hey Mikey,” a sigh came from Mikey’s end of the line hearing that his brother didn’t sound distressed.  He was fairly confident he could even call his brother’s tone upbeat and happy, which was even more relieving.  “I saw Pete,” instantly Gerard knew he shouldn’t have started like that.

“Yeah, I figured you would,” Mikey muttered.  “How is he?”  Gerard felt bad, he really shouldn’t have lead with Pete, he probably shouldn’t have brought Pete up at all.

“Good,” Gerard wanted to bit his tongue, but he said, “he mentioned you.  Listen kid, I know that…”

“Come on Gerard,” Mikey’s voice seemed thicker, “not right now.  Tell me about your roommate or something, just don’t talk about Pete.”  Gerard knew he messed up, so he appeased his brother, and felt guilty that while his brother was hurting he was smiling while thinking about Frank.

“Frank is pretty cool,” Gerard admitted.  “Mikey, I think...nevermind.  It doesn’t matter.”  For some reason the excitement Gerard had felt only moments ago had been washed away into a vast sea of things that he constantly repressed.  He wasn’t sure where the tsunami that dragged it to that place came from, but it hit him hard and fast.  Emptiness was all that was left.  

“Gerard don’t do that,” his brother tried.  Mikey didn’t seem annoyed whenever Gerard did this to him, and that’s why they were best friends.  Their mother, even though she tried to understand, never quite got it.  She always wound up sighing and pushing them to the side, but not meaning to hurt either of her sons.  Their father was a completely different story.  Growing up Gerard and his dad always spent time together, but the older Gerard got, and the more he started to diverge from the path his father wanted him to go down, the less his father tried to reach out to him.  It was this weight that Gerard had to carry alone, even Mikey didn’t quite understand since he was always a mama’s boy.  But the silence that answered Mikey had him changing the subject.  “What did you do today?”

Again Gerard smiled thinking about the moments he had shared with Frank, and yet he didn’t say anything about that, nor did he mention Pete again.  All he said was that he met Frank, took a nap, and went to a floor meeting, nothing exciting.  He didn’t understand what made him want to lie, to keep this secret that wasn’t actually a secret from the only person who would actually listen to it.  Eventually Mikey had handed the phone over to their mother, who had sobbed the entire phone call only making Gerard feel even worse and even more empty.  And when she hiccuped asking her husband if he wanted to speak to his son, Gerard could hear the sound of a closing door.  “He had to go to work,” she lied and Gerard wasn’t really sure if there was any way he could feel any worse.  And then he did, as he thought about the bittersweet taste of alcohol.

When Frank got back from the shower, Gerard was facing the wall pretending to sleep.  No mattered how hard he would try to actually fall asleep that night, no matter how tired he got, the emptiness wouldn’t let him sleep.  It kept him awake even as Frank settled into his own bed, and began to snore the quietest snore Gerard had ever heard in his life.  The ticking of an invisible clock rang out every second he was awake, the image of a bottle that he couldn’t reach painted against the back of his eyelids.  All he wanted to do was sleep, but for some reason it never came.


	3. Chapter 3

When Frank woke up the next morning, he was surprised to see Gerard staring at the ceiling.  He looked far from peaceful, and Frank was worried that something had happened to his roommate.  “Good morning,” Frank croaked his throat still caked in sleep.  Gerard blinked once, then once more before even looking at Frank.

“It’s 2:30 in the afternoon,” Gerard murmured before turning on his side to look at the boring wall.  Frank sat up, checked his own clock, and was shocked to see that Gerard wasn’t lying.  It was in fact 2:30 in the afternoon.  Being away from home was already benefiting Frank, he could barely sleep in his own bed afraid of what his father might do.  It had gotten so bad that he was surprised he had graduated from high school from all the sleeping he had done in class.  

“Do you want to go get something to eat,” Frank asked just as Gerard and his own stomach rang out in a hungry, harmonized, chorus.  Almost soundlessly Gerard climbed out of bed, still in yesterday’s clothing, and slipped on a pair of sneakers.  “You okay?”

“I’m okay,” Gerard whispered, but Frank wasn’t able to catch what he had said since it was so quiet.

“What?”  Frank moved closer to Gerard just in case he decided to say whatever he had said before just as quietly.

Gerard looked Frank in the eye.  He could change his answer, and tell the truth this time, or he could just keep on lying.  Frank looked at Gerard, as if he was waiting and willing to accept whatever answer Gerard gave him.  But Gerard fought against his instincts, would telling Frank mean betraying Mikey?  His eyes started to burn, he could feel the lump in his throat beginning to form.  He wasn’t even sure why, but all of the sudden he felt the overwhelming urge to cry.  “I’m not okay,” he admitted as tears trickled down his face.  There weren't many, but even the few that did escape not only embarrassed him, it made him feel as if something was filling that emptiness back up slowly, but surely.  “I’m not okay,” he repeated wiping his eyes more than was actually necessary.

Frank inhaled sharply, not sure what to do.  “Want to talk about it?”  He grabbed his own wrist to keep from trying to comfort Gerard.  All he wanted to do was help, to be there for Gerard, but he didn't know what to do.  The redness and puffiness around Gerard's eyes made his heart ache.  

“I don’t know,” Gerard mumbled, “I have no fucking clue what I want.”  Frank was just about to say something else when Gerard spoke up again.  “Well, I know I want a drink, but I can’t touch that shit anymore.  And I know I want Mikey to be happy, and  _ I _ want to be happy, but my happiness doesn’t mean shit to anyone else.  Hell, it doesn’t mean shit to me if Mikey can’t be happy.  And what would make me happy, would be Mikey being happy, and what would make Mikey happy is one thing that would make me happy, I think, but neither of us can be that because…” Gerard stopped, he was running out of breath and didn’t know if what he was saying was making sense.  And admitting all of that out loud was the first time he had ever admitted to what he was feeling without actually saying what it was specifically.  It felt good, and the emptiness was half gone.  

“Feeling better?”  Frank asked, noticing the small change in Gerard’s facial expression.  He was starting to gain some color back into face, and the ache in Frank's heart started to subside.  “I’m listening if you still want to talk about it,” Frank told Gerard even more curious than he was before.  A hopeful part of him was telling the pessimistic part of himself that Gerard was alluding to being unsure of his sexualtiy, and it excited Frank.  At the same time he was sympathetic, for he had gone through of it not too long ago.  It was the toughest thing he had gone through so far.  But the more Frank thought about it, and the tiny connections his brain had made for him seemed less and less reasonable.

Gerard pulled in a shaky breath.  “I want to,” he admitted, “but if I talk this through with anyone, it has to be Mikey.”  He felt bad for putting his walls up in front of Frank, but at the same time he realized he needed to talk to Mikey about this before he could anyone else.  Not only did Mikey deserve to be the first to know, he was the only one who had been there since the start, so he'd be the only one who knew the entire story.  

“Alright,” Frank buried the disappointment, “let’s go get some food.  I’m starving.”  The guys nodded in agreement as they left the room.  On their way out they had seen Pete standing outside.  He was on the phone in the middle of a very deep conversation with someone and Frank could’ve sworn he had heard Pete say  _ Mikey _ and from the way Gerard stiffened he had heard it too.  Frank only found himself wondering even more about Gerard, but not just him, but his brother as well.  

“Yesterday was fun,” Gerard tried to cover up the sudden tension.  “Jamia was pretty cool, I mean she assumed we were drunk, but she let us off the hook pretty easily considering.”  Gerard wasn’t really sure why he had felt the need to bring Jamia up, but he did and he couldn’t take it back.

“It was weird, right?” Frank asked, his legs beginning to feel the burn of the hill they were walking up.  It wasn’t that big of a hill either, in fact it was a lot smaller than the other hill that lead to their classes.  

“Not really,” Gerard said smirking at Frank, “I hope we always get caught by Jamia if we do anything wrong.  Your pretty face is our get out of jail free card.”  Frank had to bite the inside of his bottom lip again to hold back the smile, as heated blood threatened to rush to his face.  Gerard just continued to walk lazily as if what he said didn’t have an affect on Frank’s heart rate.

 “We look like two human tornadoes,” Frank said once they reached the dining hall’s door.  Their reflections bore back at them from the clean glass.  Frank hadn’t changed into clothes, so he was in a pair of old, plaid pajama pants, and a band t-shirt.  His hair was all over the place, and Gerard’s was too.  Instead of wearing pajamas Gerard was in his clothes from yesterday that were all twisted and smelled of rain, and he hadn't noticed until Frank pointed out their appearances, how uncomfortable and stiff they felt against his skin.  Gerard reached for the door handle with an amused smile, stepping through he held the door open for Frank to take.

“Welcome to college,” Gerard yawned.  Both guys laughed, as they made their way to the desk.  They pulled their ID cards out, “Hello, how are you?”  Gerard asked the woman who sat behind the desk, stuck with the job of monitoring who was going in.

“I’m good, and you?”  She swiped his card once, frowned and swiped again.

“I’m good,” Gerard answered, but Frank knew that wasn’t the truth, and he was happy to be in on the secret despite how much he hated that Gerard wasn't "good" or "okay."  

“Have nice day Gerard.”  She smiled and handed Gerard back his card.

“Thank you,” he looked at her name tag, “you too Nancy.”  She blushed a little.  Frank was too caught up in this new switchblade development in Gerard’s personality that he didn’t have time to even say a single thing to Nancy.  Not that she cared.

Once their cards had been swiped they headed up the stairs.  It was instantly overwhelming for both of them.  There were no open tables, and everyone was shouting trying to be heard by the person they were sitting with.  Frank looked at Gerard, but Gerard was looking over the vast amount of people who were in the small space seeing if he could find someone he had met at orientation.  And just when he was about to give up he found a familiar face.  “Follow me,” Gerard motioned Frank with a tilt of his head, and started weaving in and out of people and tables.  Frank watched in awe at how amazing he was at navigating the crowd.  In the back corner, in the biggest booth, sat two people, and it didn’t surprise Gerard that they had taken the biggest place to sit, one of them had a notoriously huge personality.  “Hey Patrick, Brendon.”  Patrick looked up so quick Gerard was surprised he didn’t snap his neck.  His face read ‘help me.’

“Gerard, dude, want to sit with us?”  Brendon moved into the corner booth, purposely taking advantage of the round shape.  He slid all the way down so he was directly next to Patrick who looked horrified.  He patted the seat next to him.

“Sure,” Gerard looked over his shoulder at Frank, “Frank and I just need to get some food, we’ll be back.”  Gerard gave Patrick an apologetic look as he and Frank headed to the closest line.  Hesitantly, they grabbed silverware and napkins, surprised by how fast the line was moving they took in the menu that hung above the food on a TV.  

“You know a lot of people,” Frank said grabbing a plate.

“Yeah, orientation was weird.  It’s nice though, at least I don’t have to worry about friends.”  Gerard grabbed a plate.  “Hi, can I get the Buffalo Tofu bites, and the vegetable stuff?”  The guy nodded giving Gerard what he asked for, and once he had his food he stepped off to the side to wait for Frank.  Frank got the same thing, and they made their way back to booth, only when they got back Patrick was sandwiched in between Brendon and Pete.  Brendon was recounting some story excitedly, his plate of french fries and ketchup forgotten.  Patrick wasn’t listening as he took notice of how Pete was hunched over a small bowl of ice cream.  Gerard quietly slid into the booth next to Brendon and Frank sat on the edge feeling completely out of place.  The only one who didn't seem to feel the tense atmosphere was Brendon who was way too excited about, well nobody really knew.  

Gerard’s pocket vibrated, and he quickly pulled his phone out, happy for the distraction.  It was a text message from Mikey, asking Gerard to call him as soon as he could.  “I forgot to grab a drink,” Gerard muttered, “could you let me out?”  Frank stood up, and Gerard slipped out.  He headed down the other set of steps.

“That was quick,” Nancy said surprised to see Gerard come back down so quickly.

“I actually have to make a phone call,” Gerard said lifting up his phone as proof, “if I go outside really quick can I get back in?”  He pleaded with his eyes.

“Of course,” Nancy nodded, “just don’t let too many people notice okay?”

“Thank you,” Gerard sighed and ran out the door, already dialing Mikey’s number.  The phone barely rang once, before Mikey accepted the call.

“I fucked up,” Mikey’s voice was trembling.  “I fucked it up Gee.”

“What happened?”  Gerard found a bench ready to listen to his brother no matter how long it would take.  Mikey would do the same for him.

“I called Pete, I had to know how move in went,” Mikey sounded panicked now, like Gerard wouldn’t understand.  Little did he know that his big brother understood better than he did before.  “I shouldn’t have called, I pushed him away and that was bad enough, but…”  Mikey let out a heavy sigh.

“What,” Gerard asked softly, “come on Mikey, I’ve got your back no matter what.  You know that right?”

“He told me he was seeing someone,” Mikey paused, “and that’s when I told him how I felt.  After that we were both yelling, and Pete told me he didn’t want to talk to me anymore.  I tried to call him back, but it said he blocked my number.”  Gerard was silent, he had no idea what to tell his younger brother who always put up such a cold front that he rarely dropped.  This was the most pain he had ever heard in Mikey’s voice.  

“I’m sorry kid,” Gerard said.  “He’s probably just pissed, he’ll be over it in no time.”  Gerard really didn’t know if there was any truth behind his words, but he hoped there was.  Mikey and Pete were good for each other.  Mikey was so happy this summer, and on the rare occasions when Pete had taken the 12 hour drive from Chicago to Bellville under the guise of trying to make some college friends, but was really visiting Mikey, Mikey hardly shut up which was weird.  But Gerard also noticed the way Pete calmed down around Mikey, the way someone would calm down around someone who the didn’t feel the need to impress.  They brought out the pieces of themselves that were buried deep within the other’s genetic makeup.  It was Mikey’s best summer, even Gerard knew that.  

“Maybe."   Mikey muttered, “This is dad’s fault.  He’s been worse since you’ve left.  Mom has been trying so hard to make up for everything he does, but it’s not working.  But that doesn’t matter, what I want to know is what the hell you were so excited about yesterday and then all of the sudden tucked it away.  I’m sure it’d help.”  

Gerard looked around to see if he was alone and then divulged.  “I think I like my roommate.  And when I say like I mean...well you know.  The RA on our floor can’t keep her eyes off of him, and I get jealous.  The way I used to get jealous when Lindsey and I first started dating.  But it’s not just that, I feel like I can tell him anything, and he’s covered in tattoos.”

“So,” Mikey coughed, “you’ve finally embraced the gay?  Took you long enough brother, welcome to the fun side.  It’s full of fatherly disapproval, and motherly uncertainty.  It’s a fucking blast.”  While Mikey hadn’t come out he full well knew who he was, and embarrassed Gerard because his younger brother knew himself better than Gerard knew himself.  Neither of them were ready to tell anyone, and it stemmed mainly from their father’s sudden vocalization of his anti-LGBTQ+ opinions.  It blindsided Mikey and Gerard over the summer, and that’s when Mikey had decided to push Pete away.  As they sat in silence they both recalled the night when it became blatantly obvious how their father felt.

_ Pete got up to use the bathroom just as Mr. Way had come home from work.  Gerard and Mikey sat on the couch with their video game paused.  Pete had threatened to chop both of their ears off and reattach them to the other brother’s body if they played without him again.  It made Mikey smile and “cross his heart” not to play the game while he was gone.  Little did they know that something far worse would happen. _

_ “You’re kidding me,” their father bellowed slamming the front door.  When he saw his sons just sitting on the couch he was already fuming from a tough day at work.  “That fucking kid is here again?”   _

_ “Yeah,” Gerard said nonchalantly shrugging his shoulders. _

_ “I don’t want him around here anymore,” their father said, “nobody drives 12 hours to make friends for college.  The kid is fucking gay, and I don’t want the two you exposed to that shit.  My sons won’t be influenced by some Obama-loving, cocksucking pervert.  I can’t have you two running around in rainbow colors.”  Gerard stiffened surprised to hear his father’s opinion while Mikey slunk back into the couch hoping it would swallow him alive.  “If he touches either of you I’ll hit him with my truck, now where’s your mother?”  It all happened so fast that neither of the Way brothers knew what to say, Gerard simply pointed to the ceiling, and their father climbed the stairs.   _

_ When Pete got back from the bathroom Mikey was shaking, the blood drained from his face and Gerard asked Pete to leave saying that Mikey wasn’t feeling good and didn’t want to risk getting Pete sick.  After that Mikey strictly kept to minimal phone contact with Pete, and eventually began to push him even further away. _

“Sound’s like one hell of a party,” Gerard felt gutted after remembering what had went down.  “Listen I should probably go, call me if you need me.”

“Thanks Gerard.”  Mikey hung up, at least he sounded better than he did when the conversation started.  And Gerard was happy to have gotten it off his chest as well, the emptiness, while it was never gone, was hidden for now.  With a heavy sigh Gerard pushed himself off the bench and slowly made his way back inside.  Nancy smiled as she let him pass without a problem, and he returned the gesture.  He wasn’t exactly sure how to explain how he felt, because he was happier than he had been in months, but at the same time he was extremely upset.  He made his way back to the table careful not to touch anyone, and when he got back the other four guys looked at his empty hands.

“Weren’t you going to get a drink?”  Brendon asked picking up a cold french fry, dipping it in ketchup and examining it, before setting it back down.  

“I drank it,” Gerard said coolly, as Frank stood up to let him back into the booth.  Pete watched Gerard carefully, while everyone else could see through Gerard’s lie, Pete was the only one who had idea of what the truth was.  Swallowing hard Gerard mustered the courage to look at Pete, who just nodded his head ever so slightly.  “Brendon, this is my roommate Frank.” Gerard said trying to divert the subject.

“Yeah,” Brendon picked up the ketchup drenched French fry, “Patrick introduced us, while you lied about going to get a drink.”  Brendon took a dramatic bite of the the french fry, attempting humor.  Nobody even noticed that laughter was the ultimate end goal of the act, they just assumed it was Brendon doing his own thing.

“Gerard how's the girlfriend?”  Patrick asked angling away from Brendon slightly.  Gerard stiffened, and he could feel Frank's sidelong glance.

“We broke up,” Gerard mumbled, “things didn't feel right and I changed to the point where I was just leading her on.  Lindsey’s great, and someday she'll find the right person, but it's not me.”  Gerard shoved a tofu bite in his mouth, still not really used to avoiding meat he wanted to gag on the texture of the tofu.  

Frank sat silently next to Gerard trying to piece everything together.  Only half an hour ago Gerard was barely able to form a sentence, and then all of the sudden he gained back that original personality Frank had come to know.  And then there was the lying about going to get a drink, which not only didn't result in Gerard having even a cup, but also took way longer than necessary.  Of course Frank didn't know Pete enough to judge him, but he seemed a little out of it compared to yesterday.  And finally the word girlfriend bounced around antagonizing Frank.  Although Gerard had said he changed, but maybe he meant he started to realize things about himself that he didn't before, Frank thought.  

Frank looked up from his empty plate to see Brendon looking as though he was torn on what to say, which wasn't a problem when Gerard was gone.  The atmosphere had definitely changed.  

Frank and Patrick met eyes from across the table, neither of them said a thing, but were thinking the same thing: there's a story that isn't being told.

The rest of their time spent in the dining hall was awkward.  Pete and Gerard seemed to be sulking, and acknowledged the other as few times as possible.  Frank was stiff and awkward, not really sure where he fit in with his roommates friends.  Patrick kept checking on Pete in subtle ways.  And then there was Brendon, the poor guy wanted nothing more than to get rid of the tension, but every joke he made fell flat and every time he spoke nobody really paid any attention.  He seemed to be the only one who wasn't too busy thinking about what to say, he just said whatever he thought.

“I'm sorry,” Gerard said smiling at Frank once they were back in their room.  “That was weird, and I'm partially to blame.”  He kicked off his shoes, and started to rummage through his drawers for some new clothes to put on.  

“How so?”  Frank asked sitting down at his desk, there was hardly anything on it.  

“They're my friends,” Gerard laughed placing a jumbled ball of clothes on his bed.  “Brendon means well, but he's an idiot.  Patrick and Pete have been friends practically forever, and they have this dynamic that balances really well, but once Pete settles down Patrick doesn't really know how to react.”  Gerard turned to face Frank.

“How do you know all of this?”  Frank asked looking up at Gerard.  

“Pete came to visit a lot over the summer,” Gerard tucked a piece of red hair behind his ear.  “So he told me a lot of that, Brendon was just easy to dissect right off the bat.  They're pretty cool.  Pete and Patrick are in a band called Fall Out Boy, Andy and Joe, their other band mates, went to different schools.  Brendon has his own complicated thing going on, I'm not sure I'm all caught up on it but Panic! at the Disco is the name.”

Frank was overwhelmed, he wondered how Gerard had managed to find all these people who have bands.  There was no way it was a coincidence, right?  Frank questioned himself.  “How did that happen?” 

“If you mean Brendon, I'm not really sure, probably a lot of champagne, cocaine, gasoline and all the other shit in between,” Gerard joked.  “If you mean the fact that they're all in bands, then I can explain that.  Mikey and I started a band with my friend Ray, we’re My Chemical Romance.  When I was on that Facebook Page for our class, I found Pete and Brendon.  They just kept posting links to gigs they were playing, and I thought it was cool so I reached out to them.  And it just happened that we were going to the same orientation.”

“Woah,” Frank nodded, “that's pretty cool.  I had this band Pencey Prep, but we officially split.  It's been about six months, and I haven't had the chance to play since.”  As he said it, Frank’s hands twitched with the need to play.  The calluses on his fingers throbbed from trying to remember the friction between the strings and and his skin.  It was like a word on the tip of his tongue, he knew what it felt like, but just couldn't recreate it for some reason.  His hands began to shake just a little.  Hoping Gerard wouldn't notice he clasped them together until his knuckles turned white.

“Looks like you miss it.”  Gerard said, there was empathy in his eyes that said he knew the feeling.

“A lot,” Frank said as the image of his father smashing the guitar that Frank had saved up for against the side of their house.  It had shattered hanging very loosely by the strings, just like Frank had.  “It was the only thing that understood me.”

Gerard looked at Frank, there was nothing but pain etched across his face and his hands shook like an addict who hadn't had a fix.  But that's the thing about music, it’s the best kind of fix for the world’s worst problems, and for those who create it the longer they went without it the harder things got.  Frank was in dire need of a hit.

“Want to see something cool?”  Gerard asked smiling at Frank.  There was a moment of silences before Frank finally looked up at Gerard.

The excitement painted on Gerard's face was overwhelming, and it made Frank wonder what he could possibly show Frank that had him beaming.  

“Yes.” Frank said, his hands still closed around each other.  

“Awesome,” Gerard started to strip down.  For a moment Frank couldn't help but think that this was Gerard’s idea of something cool, when in fact it was something hot.  But Gerard turned to grab the clothes he put on the bed, “You're going to want to change though.”  

Frank’s face heated up as he too began to change, on a whim he put his lip ring in thinking about the light it had brought to Gerard’s eyes.  He ran a brush through his hair, and turned just as Gerard did.

“I like the lip ring,” Gerard said as if in a daze, “okay let's go.”


	4. Chapter 4

Gerard lead the way, Frank struggling to keep up.  He didn't understand how Gerard could walk so much faster, sure he was taller, but not by  _ that _ much.  Or maybe he was and Frank wasn't ready to admit that.  Although he liked that Gerard was taller, kind of.

“Patrick was telling me,” Gerard started, looking over his shoulder realizing Frank was behind him.  He slowed enough for Frank to feel as if he wasn't speed walking like a herd of elderly women using the mall as a free gym membership.  “About this really awesome place that he discovered on the night of orientation with his orientation roommate, who happened to be Brendon.  They were just walking trying to find something to do, because Pete was...uh occupied.  I was sleeping, it really wasn't a great day for me.

“Anyway,” Gerard said as if the thought of orientation hurt, “somehow Patrick and Brendon wound up off campus.  They got turned around and lost, they weren't even a mile away from campus, but Patrick really couldn't concentrate on anything with Brendon’s overwhelming personality on overdrive.  It turns out that they wound up going into a building without really paying attention, and as soon as they got inside Brendon just stopped.  He went completely silent, and still, giving Patrick a moment to breath.”  Gerard paused before dramatically saying, “Only Patrick’s breath was wasted on a sharp inhale of pure bewilderment as he took in the beauty before him.  Or so the story goes.”  

Frank had been lost in the theatrics of the story he hadn't even realized that Gerard had managed to direct them off campus until the story ended and they stood in front of a shabby brick building.  Over his shoulder he could see the vague outline of the college’s welcome sign, and wondered how Patrick and Brendon had missed it.  

“Stop,” Gerard said blocking Frank’s view of campus, “you'll ruin the story's magic.  Now go forth into heaven.”  Gerard lightly pushed Frank toward the double doors of the narrow building.  Frank smiled and listened.  There was no name on the building, and on the door hung a faded ‘Come on in, we’re open’ sign.

“Before I go in,” Frank paused before the doors, he turned to look at Gerard.  “This isn't a strip club, or adult film store is it?”  It was a joke, of course, but Gerard looked at Frank with a straight, not at all humored, face and said:

“This is better than naked people, and porn,” Gerard gestured to the door doing his best to hold back the smile Frank saw threatening to breakout across his face, it made Frank’s own smile start to appear.  He turned finally entering the building, and the moment he did his heart began to race.

A horrible, broken down, old air conditioner blew his hair around, as he stood his mouth agape.  Frank couldn't believe what he was seeing, or the musty scent that tickled his nose.  “Told you it was cool,” Gerard said from behind him.  

“This isn't cool,” Frank mumbled, “this is amazing.”  He stepped further into the store taking it all in.  The walls were covered in all types of guitars, each one signed by someone who actually made a difference in not only music, but in the lives of many people.  Frank carefully maneuvered around the boxes of vinyls still in their plastic covers.  There seemed to be absolutely no order to the chaos, and yet it all made sense to Frank instantly.  It was like the world had decided to go back in time when vinyls were the only way to listen to music and people didn't auto tune a single sound.  

“Hello,” a teenage girl came up from a set of stairs.  Her hair was black with one purple streak, a tiny silver stud dotted her nose, and she didn't have a single speck of makeup on her face.  “You must be first time customers.  My name is Bandit, my grandfather runs this place and we have a few simple rules.  The first is don't steal, the second is that if you're musically inclined you have to play for us, and the third is to take your time.  So do either of you have an skills on the guitar?”

“He does,” Gerard pointed at Frank like he was being accused of something.  “I actually brought him here, because it seems like he could really use some time with a guitar.”  Frank smiled at his roommate, too happy that Gerard miraculously had just the right thing to cheer him up, to care about the fact that Gerard had thrown him under the bus.

“Awesome,” Bandit said, “playing isn't actually a rule, it's more of a thing that get you a discount on your purchases.  Take your pick, just be careful.”  Frank’s eyes devoured the wall, each signature had him drooling.  But there was one guitar he couldn't take his eyes off of.  It was the only unsigned one, and it was the same one he had before his father ruined it.  It was just out of reach though.

Before he knew it Gerard was there using those two or three extra inches to grab it down from its display.  He placed it in Frank’s hands, their fingers brushing in the hand-off.  Frank couldn't tell what made his heart rate spike, the way it felt to hold the guitar, the gentle touch of Gerard’s fingers meeting his own, or Gerard’s smile.  They were all enough on the their own, but together Frank wasn't sure he could survive.  

Gerard watched smiling as Frank placed the guitar strap around his neck.  It looked like an old habit, and Frank made it look far more beautiful than the act was.  He bent his head down, and when he looked back up he wasn't smiling, but his face was pure peacefulness, and to Gerard that was better.  Frank poised his fingers, testing out a few chords before falling into a tune.  It was hypnotizing, Gerard couldn't look away.  He wasn't just good, Frank was amazing.  He deserved to play in front of the world.  

“Wow,” Bandit said breathlessly, Gerard was so lost in watching Frank he hadn't even noticed her moving to stand beside him.  “Your boyfriend is really good.”  

“Yeah,” Gerard’s face started to heat up, but he didn't correct her.  He didn't know where she had gotten the idea of them being in a relationship from, and found it weird that she would just assume that they were a couple, but Gerard didn't mind it much.  “Yeah he is  _ really _ good.”  Bandit and Gerard watched Frank play until he finished the song.  Tiny beads of sweat dotted his hairline, and his smile could've blown the entire world away just like his guitar skills could.  

“That felt euphoric,” Frank said heaving, trying to suck enough air in.  “Thanks Gee, I needed that.”  

“Anytime,” Gerard’s nerve endings were buzzing.  He loved the sound of ‘Gee’ coming out of Frank’s mouth.  It was adorable.  He wanted to hear it over, and over again like a lullaby. 

“You might as well sign the thing,” Bandit said pulling a sharpie out of her back pocket.  “You're going to be huge one day, and I'm going to be your number one fan.”  

At first Frank thought she was joking but, she forced the marker into his hand and then gestured for Frank to scribble his name on the guitar.  Embarrassed, Frank did as he was told setting the instrument on his knee and then signing the guitar, his heart barely beating in his chest.  As he signed he looked up through his hair at Gerard, who was watching Frank beaming with pride.  Not many people gave Frank that look, and coming from Gerard it was even better.  

“He can sing,” Frank told Bandit, capping the sharpie.  “Or so I've been told.” 

“You know the rules,” Bandit said, “you have to perform if you're musically inclined.  It's in our customer handbook.”  Frank and Bandit looked at Gerard waiting for him to start singing.

“Is this the real life,” Gerard began.  Frank placed the guitar back around his neck.  Together they did their best to cover the wide array of Queen between just the two of them.  It was difficult, and at points they were laughing more than they were performing, but their audience was in awe.  As they finished up, both breathless and ecstatic, Bandit began to clap wildly.  She had been to many concerts, her family invested in music a way most family's weren't, but there was something that made Bandit want to hear more of the duo that stood before her more than any other band or solo artist.

“Adopt me,” she said in splendor.  “Seriously you two need to raise me, you're amazing!”  Frank and Gerard shared a glance that communicated their thoughts.

“How old do you think we are?”  Gerard asked still high on the music.

“Like 18, 19.”  She said shrugging her shoulders.

“How old are you?”  Frank said handing the guitar to Gerard who put it back for him.

“I'm 15, but for legal purposes I'm 16,” she winked at them.  

“Seems plausible,” Gerard said facing Bandit and Frank again.  “We already live together, I guess a child would be our next step.”  

“That's true,” Frank looked Bandit up and down, “shouldn't she have to prove her worthiness of being our adoptive daughter first?”

“Definitely,” Gerard said going along with it.  “Can you sing?  Play guitar?”

“Both,” Bandit told them smiling.  “Not as good as you two though.”

“Can you play something for us?”  Frank teased.  He knew she wasn't serious, and that it was some teenage girl thing to ask people they admire to adopt them, he had heard a lot of it in high school.  Normally he wouldn't have played into it, but playing had made him happy, playing while Gerard sang left him in a better mood than he had been in for months, and the sheer fact that Gerard's default song was one that belonged to Queen made Frank's high pedestal for Gerard grown even more.  Besides, Bandit was adorable and instantly lovable, he didn't want to hurt her feelings.

Bandit grabbed a guitar and started to play it.  She was really good, Frank thought, especially for a 15 year old.  And then she started to sing, her voice was soft and angelic, it was tiny like her.  Gerard was surprised at how accurately her voice matched her physical appearance.  Her little performance didn't last long, but when it ended Gerard and Frank clapped.

“She definitely ours,” Gerard said laughing.

“Welcome to the family,” Frank said.

Bandit broke into a heavy smile, “What are your names?”

“Frank Iero.”

“Gerard Way,” Gerard checked his phone only to see four missed calls from Mikey.  “Shit, I've got to go.  Frank do you want to head back?”

“Sure,” Frank said very unconvincingly.  He wanted to stay, but more time with Gerard was just a little more appealing than the guitars.

Bandit begged Gerard and Frank to stay longer.  Instead they told her that they would promise to come back as soon as they could.  She watched as they left, thinking about how someday if they were given the chance that Frank and Gerard would change lives.

“I have to call my brother,” Gerard tilted his phone to show Frank the numerous missed calls.  

“Okay,” Frank said.  He was still reeling from the high playing the guitar and hearing Gerard's indescribably hauntingly, beautifully, pained singing voice gave him.  

As soon as Gerard placed the phone to his ear Mikey was already on the line.  “Mikey?”

“Pete called me,” Gerard wasn't sure what to make of his brother’s tone.  “Did you say something to him?”  

“No,” Gerard said not sure if this was an accusation, it sure sounded like one.  “Mikey what's going on?”  

“He wanted to know what I said to you,” Mikey said, “if you didn't say anything how would he know I called you?”  

“You're my brother,” Gerard deadpanned, “he knows we’re close, he probably just figured you would call me.”  

Frank tried not to listen, but it was nearly impossible.  The college town was surprisingly quiet for a Saturday evening, all he really had to hear was Gerard’s end of the conversation.  It didn't mean he didn't feel bad for listening.

“I would never say shit to him, unless you told me to.”  Gerard was starting to get offended, “Kid think about it, would I divulge your secrets to anyone just to make a fucking friend?  You know me better than that.” 

“Yeah, you're right,” Mikey sighed.  “We fought again, but…”

“But what?”  Gerard was worried.

“But before he hung up on me, he said it was good to hear my voice.”  Gerard could hear the rare smile in Mikey’s words.  “It really didn't make up for all the shit we said, but it's something.”  

“You're right,” Gerard glanced at Frank who was watching a stone as he kicked it, “it is something.”

“Sorry for doubting you,” Mikey said still sounding dazed and happy.  “Pete just...he makes the world look different and I don't want to lose that.”  

“It's alright, I don't want you to lose it either.”  Gerard looked up at the sky, the sun was getting ready to set after a long day of work.  The days we're moving by a lot faster.  “How's it going back home?”

“That's another thing,” Mikey said sobering up, “dad and mom have barely spoken, dad hasn't been home all day.  He didn't come back last night.  I think something's up.”  Mikey didn't sound upset about it, and quite frankly Gerard wasn’t all that upset.  Their mother deserved better.

“I wish I could say that sucks,” Gerard mumbled.  Mikey hummed with agreement on the other end of the line.

“Me too,” all of the sudden on Mikey’s end a door burst open.  “Dad?”  There was some muffled words on the other end, Mikey covering the mouthpiece so Gerard couldn't hear their exchange.  After a couple minutes Gerard heard the door slam close.

“What did he want?”  Gerard asked.

“He just wanted to know if I've seen the toolbox,” Mikey said with a yawn.  “I told him no, and he said I needed to learn how to fix my own shit, then he left.  It was a riveting conversation, as it usually is with our dear old father.  Anyway, I gotta go, I'll talk to you later?”

“Call anytime,” and with that Mikey hung up.  Gerard really didn't have a clue about how to feel, Mikey seemed conflicted as well.  But Gerard just wanted his brother to be happy and if Pete was doing that even in the slightest he hoped Pete would stick around.  “Sorry about that.”  Gerard looked over at Frank who was still kicking the rock.  

“No need to apologize, family is family.”  Frank smiled sadly at the rock, kicking it further this time.  It hit a crack in the sidewalk sending it into the road.  Eventually someone would hit it and keep on driving, oblivious to what they had just run over.  Maybe it'd get stuck, and maybe if it was sharp enough it would wear a hole into the tire.  There was no way for Frank to know, what would have happened if he hadn't kicked the rock and what would happen because he did.  “Speaking of family, did we just unofficially adopt a 15 year old girl?”  

Gerard laughed, “I think so.”  


	5. Chapter 5

The rest of welcome weekend was boring compared to those first two days with Gerard.  Yesterday they had to go to an opening ceremony followed by a dinner with the professors in their departments, and they were separated.  They spent the morning together just hanging out in their room, Frank had learned a lot about Mikey, and as awesome as Mikey sounded, he wished he had learned more about Gerard.  He also wished he had someone else to talk about other than himself, but really all he _had_ was himself.  

But worse than that dinner, was the agonizingly, torturous hell he was being put through.  He stared at the projection on the screens and an overwhelming need to scream and leave the room fell over him.  Every professor he had that day had simply handed out the syllabus, went over the main points, and let them go.  But Dr. Adams was not like that.  She had told them where to find the syllabus online and dove into the first chapter of Psych 101.  It all happened so fast, and she was on the fourth slide before anyone had began copying down notes.  Frank really had tried to keep up, but closed his notebook and put his pen away when she got to be seven slides ahead of him.  He had convinced himself that just listening to her would help him understand the theories and the people who came up with them, but he had lead himself down a terribly confusing path.

“Not getting it?”  The girl, who had decided to sit next to him even though there were still plenty of seats left in the lecture hall, asked.  Frank refused to respond, he was annoyed with the class, and with this girl.  He just wanted to be alone for a moment, and she had ruined that.  “Yeah, me neither.”  She said as if Frank  _ had  _ in fact answered her.  

Finally, Frank thought, when the clock finally clicked to 3:40.  Nobody waited for Dr. Adams to finish her sentence.  Everyone was rushing to the doors pallid and clearly disoriented, and the one’s who weren’t were clearly psych majors trying not to show how much this class had suckered punched them for fifties minutes straight with no breaks.  “I’m Helena,” the girl said trying to stick by Frank’s side as he rushed to the exit.  “I’m a freshman, we’re in the same hall.  I saw you in the floor meeting, and thought your drawings were really good.”

“I didn’t draw them,” Frank mumbled a weight lifting off his shoulders as he finally got free of the lecture hall.  The air seemed a little fresher, and he couldn’t wait to go back to his room and take a nap.  His brain couldn’t handle functioning after that.  

“Oh,” Helena said disappointed, “who did?  Was it your roommate?”

“Yeah,” Frank walked as fast as his legs would carry him, but Helena had no problem keeping up.  She was tall, and Frank realized he couldn't lose her by simply walking fast so he slowed down, it wasn’t worth the effort.  She could talk all she wanted, it didn’t mean Frank had to respond.  But she didn’t talk, instead Helena walked beside Frank like she was happy to have a general company.  It was weird, Frank thought.  They made their way down the campus’s main hill, avoiding people the best they could.  By the time they made it to the bottom Frank’s skin was crawling he was so weirded out.  “Can I help you?” 

“Um,” Helena stumbled over her words, completely off guard.  “I mean no, I’m just going back to my dorm.  We...live in the same building, do you not remember that?”  Her pale skin had a hint of pink creeping into her cheeks.  Frank had embarrassed her without meaning to, he wanted to feel bad, but he wasn't sure he could his brain was so fried.

He was about to apologize when someone slammed into him from behind.  He fell into the crosswalk, luckily no cars were coming.  “Sorry!”  A vaguely familiar voice said. 

He stood up, and turned only to see Brendon.  He was smiling sheepishly at Frank, beside him was Gerard who looked dumbfounded.  “Are you alright?”  Gerard asked as he fell into place next to Frank.  Gerard and Frank began to cross the street, Brendon left trying to keep up with the set of roommates.  

“I’m fine,” Frank said annoyed without really meaning too.  He brushed his hands off on his pants, little bits of pavement that had stuck, detaching themselves.     

“Are you sure about that?”  Brendon asked pushing himself between the duo.  Frank looked over his shoulder to see Helena walking all by herself smiling at something on her phone, before he looked at Brendon.  

“I’m fine,” he repeated sounding even more irritated.  

“That is very unconvincing,” Brendon said with a dopey smile on his face. 

“Brendon it’s that girl Sarah.”  Gerard pointed in a random direction with urgency.

“Shit,” Brendon cursed running in the opposite direction without even looking.

“Sorry about him,” Gerard said putting his arm back down by his side.  “He’s a lot to deal with, but he’s a good guy.  A little stupid, I mean I’ve only heard him talk about this girl he likes named Sarah, I’ve never actually seen her, and yet he fell for that.”

“No need to say sorry,” Frank grunted, “at least he’s being himself.  Phonies are the worst.”

“Very Holden Caulfield of you,” Gerard nodded his head impressed.  

“It’s a good book,” Frank said, the irritation that Psychology 101 had brought him had begun to dissipate.  “I told you about Pencey Prep right?”

“Yeah, I didn’t make the connection when you told me,” Gerard smiled, “I see it now though.”

They walked the rest of the way to their dorm in silence, Frank hyper-aware of Helena the whole time.  She had a ghostly presence, and when they finally were behind the safety of the closed door Frank could relax.  “Do you have plans?”  Frank asked hoping his roommate would say yes, giving him some time alone.

“I’m going up to the second floor lounge to hang out with Pete and Patrick,” Gerard answered setting his backpack on his bed.  “You can come if you want.”  Gerard sensed that Frank was feeling off so he didn’t expect a yes, and when he got a head shake he wasn’t surprised.  “Alright, well if you want to join us just come on up, apparently there’s going to be pizza.”

Gerard left the room.  He wanted to change Frank’s mind, to get him to go upstairs with him, but he knew better than to push.  As he climbed the stairs he passed a few people, including Jamia.  She smiled, well it was more a smirk, when she saw Gerard, but didn’t say anything as she made her way back to the basement.  Gerard decided to write it off as he stepped onto the second floor landing.  He could hear Pete’s voice as soon as he stepped out of the stairwell, he wondered how his quiet brother managed to like someone so opposite of himself.  But then Gerard thought of Frank, and it made sense.  

“I thought we were getting real pizza,” Pete sounded disappointed, and when Gerard saw him standing over Patrick, who sat on the couch a frozen pizza on his lap, he had to laugh.  “Patty Cakes, I am angry.”  Patrick touched his forehead closing his eyes, and he shook his head.

“Do you have money?”  Patrick asked as Gerard sat down on the couch next to him.  Gerard watched, he was deeply amused by the situation.

“No,” Pete pouted grabbing the frozen pizza off of Patrick’s lap.  “I hate you sometimes Patty Cakes.”  Pete grumbled heading into the kitchenette, he swiped his ID card in an almost aggressive manner, and Gerard was mildly impressed.  He didn’t think the action was possible.  When the door closed behind Pete, Patrick turned down the TV volume.

“You should tell your brother Pete isn’t seeing anyone,” Patrick said turning towards Gerard.  “He lied.”

“Pete told you about Mikey?”  Gerard asked surprised.  Over the summer Pete had refused to mention Mikey to Patrick, or so he told Gerard.

“No, but I’m not stupid,” Patrick said as if the situation was clearer than a crystal ball.  “I put two and two together.  The way they were acting on orientation night, his visits over the summer, the fact that he seemed even more upset after seeing you at lunch the other day, but the biggest giveaway was when he called someone who he called Mikey and proceeded to say something about seeing someone.  Pete is a great friend, but he doesn’t really get the whole romance thing.  Hopefully your brother does.”  

Gerard checked over his shoulder to see Pete still putting the pizza on a cookie sheet.  “Mikey is the most awkward person I’ve ever met, Pete’s going to have to figure it out.”  Gerard mumbled as Pete came back into the lounge.  

“Hey,” someone grumbled from the doorway of the lounge.  The three boys looked up to see Frank standing their looking irritated and ready for bed.  “I fucking hate RAs.”  He mumbled flinging himself on the couch next to Gerard who wasn’t sure what happened. 

“Everything alright?”  Gerard asked turning to face his roommate.

“That RA…” Frank began.

“Jessica?

“Jamia?”  Pete and Gerard asked simultaneously.

“Jamia,” Frank clarified using the couch arm to prop up his arm, and then placed his head in his hand.  “She came knocking on our door, saying she was offering to take everyone on our floor to dinner, and when I refused she asked if I had plans.  I had to come up here to get her off my back.”  

“I told you she’s into you,” Gerard said feeling a bit of jealousy heat up in his chest.

“Well, I’m into naps, and guys.”  Frank said closing his eyes with a yawn.

“Hey, me too,” Pete said, his hand poised for a high-five when Frank opened his eyes.  Begrudgingly Frank high-fived Pete.  “You can take a nap in our room if you want.  My bed is cooler, but Patrick’s probably smells better.”

“Thanks Pete?”  Patrick questioned not really sure if it was a compliment or not.  All he really could label it as, was weird, but he was used to weird comments like that.  He had many years of practice with Pete as his best friend.  

“Anytime Patrick,” Pete smiled like a fiend.  Gerard kept his eyes on Pete, and he was beginning to notice how Pete was doing his best to skip over Gerard.  “What are we going to watch?”  Pete shoved himself in between Patrick and the other end of the couch.  The four of them had to look ridiculous trying to fit on a three person couch.  Gerard took the initiative to move, he got up and sat on the couch opposite of the one he was just on, Frank followed feeling weird on the couch with two people he didn’t really know.  

“We can just channel surf until we find something,” Patrick suggested as he moved to the other end of the couch, putting his feet on the middle cushion.  

“Sounds good to me,” Gerard leaned back into the couch putting his feet up on the table in front of him, at the same time Frank had decided to do the same thing.  Both boys looked at each other and smiled finding amusement in the small things.

Silently Pete picked up the remote and began searching for something good to watch, but nobody said anything about any of their options.  So he finally made the executive decision to settle on  _ NCIS  _ after going through them all for the fifth time, just as the timer went off.  “I fucking hate this part,” Pete grumbled, standing to make his way to the kitchenette.  Patrick began to laugh, knowing what was going to happen next.  Gerard and Frank sat confused wondering what was so awful about getting the pizza out of the oven.

“It’s the best part,” Frank yawned.  Pete turned around with an exasperated look on his face, and Patrick began to laugh even harder.  He pulled out his phone and started to record, it was for his collection.  

Patrick, and Gerard both got up to follow Pete, although he was curious, Frank decided to stay on the couch not yet ready to move.  Gerard went into the room fully, but Patrick just watched from the doorway his phone poised.  Both boys watched as Pete hyped himself up, jumping up and down, shaking his hands out while taking exaggerated deep breaths.  Taking a seperate deep breath Pete lunged at the oven yanking open the door and reaching in without an oven mitt.  He grabbed ahold of the hot cookie sheet, groaning in pain.  He held on before he threw it on top of the stove.  Gerard stared horrified, as Patrick laughed his ass off still in the doorway.

“What the fuck was that?” Gerard asked concerned for Pete’s well being.  “Why didn’t you use oven mitts?”

“What are oven mitts?”  Pete asked shaking his hand feverishly.  Gerard looked at Patrick who had finished recording.  Patrick just shook his head before leaving Gerard and Pete alone. 

“How are you still alive?”  Gerard asked turning on the cold water.  He tested it before grabbing Pete’s hand and shoving under the running water.  Pete winced trying to pull his hand from under the faucet, but Gerard held it firm.  When Pete stopped fighting it Gerard dropped his hand.  “Listen, I know you’re upset with Mikey right now.”

“I’m not,” Pete lied again refusing to look at Gerard, focusing on his red palm being doused by water.

“Pete,” Gerard said forcefully, “be real with me.  My brother is pining after you, so you need to step up and cut him loose or tell him the truth.”

“Me?”  Pete asked angry, “You’re blaming me?  I told him what I wanted over the summer, he said he wanted it too and then out of nowhere he fucking dropped me.  Excuse me if I’m pissed.”  For the first time Gerard was starting to realize that this wasn’t just hard on his brother, it was also hard on his friend.  As his eyes took in the pain on Pete’s face, he realized that he had to explain it.  Mikey would be pissed, but in the end it would be for the best.

“Mikey meant it,” Gerard said softly, so softly it was almost lost in his exhale.  “Pete, my brother really likes you.  The kid is so different around you, he’s not afraid to show emotion, it’s weird.  He pushed you away because he was afraid.”

“Of what?”  Pete asked shifting his hand.

“That last time you came over,” Gerard looked away.  He was embarrassed to have to say it, to tell his friend that his father was a homophobic asshole, with two closeted sons.  “Our dad...he said some awful shit while you were in the bathroom.  Mikey didn’t want you to get hurt, and so he began to push you away.  It’s been killing him Pete, it really has.  And you know Mikey, he’s not exactly an outgoing person, so he needs a push from someone who gets him to open up; that’s you Pete.  You can tell him the truth, that you’re not seeing anyone, and you can tell him that I told you this.  I need my brother to be happy, and he needs you to do that.  I know you don’t need him to be happy but…”

“You’re wrong,” Pete interrupted, “I need him more than I let on.”  Gerard turned to look at Pete who was already looking at him.

“Then tell him that,” Gerard left the room, leaving Pete and the pizza alone.

“So he’s been doing that shit for as long as you’ve known him?”  Frank asked.  He had Patrick’s phone in his hand, and he was covering his mouth trying not to laugh.

“The first time he did it, I didn’t talk to him for a month.  It freaked me out.”  Patrick laughed, “Nobody corrected him, and he’s somehow oblivious to the invention of oven mitts.  It’s wild.”  

Back in the kitchenette Pete’s heart was pounding in his chest.  Mikey hadn’t pushed him away because he didn’t feel anything, he pushed Pete away because he was afraid of his father.  As much as he wanted to call Mikey at that exact moment, he took to cutting the pizza.  His burnt hand cradled to his chest, it could feel his heartbeat pushing against it.  Mikey really did like him, he wasn’t just trying to mess with Pete’s head.  

A sharp chime rang out from Pete’s pocket, and on the screen was a name that made him smile.

_ Baby Boy: How was your first day? _

Mikey sat on his bed trying to write a song for the band, and waiting for Pete to text him back, mostly the latter.  He wasn’t really a fan of writing songs, it left him feeling too vulnerable for his liking.  He picked up his phone, it had only been a minute but he had checked it at least five times.  Setting it back down he looked at the notebook in front of him, unless he wanted to call his song  _ The Repetitive Use of Pete Wentz’s Name _ , he had  _ a lot _ of work to do.  A shrill siren went off as his phone lit up.  He grabbed his phone smiling.

_ Pete Wentz: It just got a whole lot better, I’m going to call you later. _

Mikey was about to respond when another one came through.

_ Pete Wentz: I can’t wait to hear your voice Baby Boy. _

Mikey’s heart rate spiked, Pete hadn’t called him Baby Boy in a long time.  Something had changed for the good, he wasn’t sure what, but the nickname gave him hope.

Pete smiled at the message that came through.

_ Baby Boy: God I missed that. _

He didn’t respond, instead he pocketed his phone, and left his smile on display as he carried the pizza on the cooled down cookie sheet back into the lounge.  He didn’t care that his presence had Patrick locking his phone, cutting off the sound of a video, or that it stifled Frank’s laughter.  None of that mattered.  When he set down the pizza he looked at Gerard and gave him a subtle nod of appreciation.  Gerard smiled before grabbing a slice and taking a bite.

After they finished the pizza they had gone silent getting invested into the movie that had come on after  _ NCIS _ was over.  Gerard was aware of how Frank was gradually falling asleep next to him, and he wondered if he should have Frank call it a night.  Only before he could make the offer Frank was already asleep his head falling on to Gerard’s shoulders.  Pete and Patrick didn’t say anything, for that Gerard was grateful.  And he couldn’t help but notice that Frank had this unique scent that he couldn’t quite name, but if he had too he would say it was close to the scent of cigarette smoke in the rain.  It was perfect.


	6. Chapter 6

Mikey sat on his bed, staring at his phone, waiting for Pete’s name to light up the screen.  His heart raced, it felt as if it was trying to burst out of chest.  It was unbearable, but when Pete’s name finally came onto the screen glowing in iridescent white letters Mikey forgot about it.  Taking a deep breath he tapped the green circle and leaned back, bringing the phone to his ear.

“I’m sorry,” Pete whispered, he sounded raw and hurt like whatever he was apologizing for was far worse for himself rather than for Mikey.  It scared the younger boy, as he waited for more of an explanation.  “I’m sorry, I lied to you.  I’m not seeing anyone.”  There was the confession.

Mikey’s heart did an excited somersault, while his head fixated on the word “lied” like a target.  “Why?”  Mikey asked not sure how to feel about what Pete had just told him.  He knew, deep down, that he should pissed, but more closely to the surface he was excited.  Pete wasn’t seeing anyone like he had said he was, and there was where the conflicted feelings spawned from.

“I was hurt, and I wanted you to…” Pete inhaled sharply.  He wondered how he could say it in a way that made it seem better than it was.  He looked over at Patrick who had put his earphones in and was working on homework.  As if Patrick could feel his best friend’s gaze, he looked up.  Inside Patrick wanted to do everything he could to help Pete, but he didn’t say a thing.  This was Pete’s mess to clean up, but that didn’t make it any easier to watch his best friend struggle so much.  Pete drew in another breath, “If I’m being honest, Mikey, I wanted you to know how it felt to be left high and dry.  It was stupid, and I won’t make any excuses for myself, you don’t deserve that shit.  I miss you.”  

“I-I miss you too.”  Mikey wanted to be angry, he wanted to tell Pete that he was selfish, that he should’ve known that he wouldn’t have pushed Pete away without having a reason, that he was going to need more than an ‘I’m sorry,’ but he had never felt more alone in his entire life, and with Pete on the other end of the phone he felt as though they were laying shoulder to shoulder on Mikey’s bed.  He could feel Pete’s heat, the way their shoulder’s would brush against each other like they did the one time he Pete had snuck into his bedroom, on one of the many nights he had slept over.  His heart craved that, it craved it so much Mikey didn’t care that Pete had lied.  It was a blinding desperation, that made him justify Pete’s dishonesty just so he wouldn’t feel so alone anymore.  

“I’m glad to hear that,” Pete sighed.  He had decided before he called Mikey that he wouldn’t mention what Gerard had told him, he wanted Mikey to find the courage to tell Pete himself.  “When do you start school?”  Pete shifted in his bed so that he was laying down, heat rushed to his face as he remembered spending the night in Mikey’s bed.  It was the perfect night, and it was even better because neither of them expected anything from the other than to just be there.  Pete wanted that night back, just like Mikey did.  It was less complicated back then.

“Next week,” Mikey replied.  “Penny for your thoughts?”  He was curious to know what was on Pete’s mind.  But he also didn’t want to talk about school.

“My thoughts are always free for you, Baby Boy.”  Pete smiled using the nickname he had given Mikey at orientation as a joke, somehow it had stuck.  At first Mikey was embarrassed by it, but eventually hearing it was a new form of salvation.  “I’m thinking about how empty my small bed feels, and how there’s the perfect space for you right next to me.  I’m thinking about how we spent the night making each other laugh, and smile.  The way our shoulders didn’t stop touching in your bed, and the way you’d look at me with the biggest, purest light brown eyes I’ve seen.  I’m thinking about how your voice would catch in your throat forcing, out the faintest whisper I’ve ever heard, when you caught me staring at you.  I’m thinking about how much I want that night back more than I have ever wanted anything in my entire life.  Well second to you of course.”  

“I was thinking the same thing,” Mikey smiled into the phone.  His face was warm, and he was sure if he looked at himself at that moment he would be red, while presenting the biggest smile his lips had ever known.  “I would love to relive that.”  Mikey admitted.

“I’ll make sure we do,” Pete whispered suddenly self conscious hoping Patrick hadn’t heard any of what he had just said.  Those words were meant for Mikey Way, and Mikey Way alone.  “Can we make a promise to each other?”

“Yes,” Mikey said waiting for Pete to tell him what he wanted.

“Let’s not lie, or keep things from each other.  But let’s promise never to hurt each other again.”  Pete didn’t really know why he decided to say all of this, but it had been said, left in the void between phones.

“Pete,” Mikey inhaled finally ready to admit what he had done, “I didn’t want to hurt you, I didn’t want you to get hurt, my father scared me with what he said.  And I know you don’t know his words, I refuse to repeat them, but they were awful.  I was worried he’d hurt you.”  

“I don’t care if he hurts me,” Pete reassured Mikey, “I don’t care if anyone hurts me.  It’s you I’m worried about.  I don’t want to get hurt by you, and more importantly I don’t want anyone, including myself to hurt you.  I  _ promise _ not to hurt you.”

Mikey had gone stone cold sober, he didn’t feel elated, nor did he feel upset.  In that moment he was more sincere than he had ever been as he said: “I promise never to hurt you again.”         

***

 

Gerard lifted the phone to his ear as he closed the door softly behind him trying to make sure he didn’t wake Frank.  “Hello?”  He groaned wondering why his mother was calling him at midnight.  

“Hi honey,” she sounded tired, “I’m sorry I’m calling so late.”

“It’s fine,” Gerard yawned heading out of the building.  Crickets played a soothingly sad lullaby under the shimmering moonlight.  “I did say you can call whenever.”  His eyes swept over his surroundings trying to find somewhere to sit.  The cold, uninviting, marble steps underneath him were his only option, and with a heavy sigh he sat.

“How was your first day of class?”  

“Great,” they sat in silence for a while, “mom is something wrong?”

“Oh, well, it’s nothing really.”  She sounded nervous now, “Honey I want you to be honest with me, okay?”

“Yeah mom, of course.”  Gerard leaned forward and watched as he wiggled his toes.  He wished he had put on shoes.

“Why did Pete stop coming over?”  Gerard was taken aback.  There were many things he expected his mother to ask, and that was not one of them.  He had no idea what to say to her.  “Was it your father?  Did he say something?”

“Mom, I’ve got an 8am I need to go to sleep.”  Gerard extracted a fake yawn from his lungs trying to emphasize his exhaustion.  

“I know,” his mom gasped, “I know I haven’t been the best when it comes to dealing with your father, and the problems you boys have, but I’m trying.  I want to help my babies, I want you both to be happy.  If you don’t want to tell me why Pete stopped coming over, that’s fine I understand, I really do.  Just know that I’m here for you and Mikey, and that as your mother I will always love you both no matter what.”  She was crying, and Gerard wasn’t sure what was going on.

“Yes,” he let out a breath, “yes it had to do with dad.  But why are you asking this?”

“I heard Mikey through his bedroom door,” she sniffled, “he was one the phone and I only stopped because I have never heard your brother sound so happy and excited before in my life.  And then all the sudden his tone changed and he uttered the words, “Pete, I didn’t want to hurt you, I didn’t want you to get hurt, my father scared me with what he said” and I couldn’t believe it.  He sounded so crushed, so broken, and I-I had to find out the truth from you.  I just can’t believe one of my sons is afraid to be who he is, I never wanted that.”

Gerard inhaled deeply, he couldn’t believe his mother knew, and he didn’t want his brother to go through this alone, even though Mikey didn’t know he was going through it.  “Both of your sons, your oldest one was so afraid he couldn’t admit it to himself until he got out from under his father’s roof.”  Gerard said the brutal truth, not to hurt her, but to make her realize that this had all been going on for a while now.  “I’ve got to get to bed mom, don’t say anything to Mikey, he’ll tell you when he’s ready.  I love you, goodnight.”

“I won’t mention it, thank you for telling me the truth Gee.  I love you too, and I mean it.  Sleep nice and tight, goodnight.”  They hung up, his mother’s tears started to drizzle down from the sky, the tiny drops hitting his toes and the top of his head.  He looked up letting them kiss his face as he thought of how his mother wasn’t disappointed him either him or Mikey, she was disappointed in her husband and herself.  As much as he hated to admit, he knew that’s how it should be.  Maybe someday, he thought, his father would feel ashamed of the words he had uttered.  He hoped he would be.

As he stood to go back inside he wondered how Mikey and Pete’s phone call had went, hopefully better than the one he had just had with their mother.  He wanted to call Mikey, he wanted to see if everything between him and Pete was fixed, but he knew if his brother had anything to say he would eventually call.  Slowly Gerard went back inside, just as Patrick was heading outside.

“I don’t know what you said to Pete,” Patrick yawned, “but whatever it was, worked.  I don’t know if I should thank you or curse you.  I’m happy to see my best friend happy, but I want to go to sleep, I just don’t have the guts to make him get off the phone or force him to go outside where anyone could hear what he has to say.”  Gerard and Patrick smiled at each other, a mutual understanding of finally seeing someone they cared for happy.  

“Want some company?”  Gerard asked.

“No, I just want some time alone and quiet.”  Patrick yawned again.  

“Alright, goodnight.”  Gerard stepped out of Patrick’s way so he could go through the door.

“Goodnight, and thank you Gerard.”  

Gerard made his way back to his room, all he could think was that back home Mikey was happy.  Mikey was finally happy, for now, but for now was better than not ever.  That night when he laid down to go to sleep he found solace in his dreams.   


	7. Bonus Chapter: Orientation Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!
> 
> So this is a bonus chapter of what happened between Pete and Mikey the night of orientation. The next chapter will continue on with the present story line, but I thought I'd share this while I work on finishing chapter 7. I hope you guys enjoy!

Gerard watched as his brother left with Pete.  Both of them were smiling and laughing, and Gerard gave himself a mental pat on the back.  His plan was working out better than he expected it to.  When he created the group chat on Facebook with Patrick, Pete, and Brendon he wasn’t going to add Mikey, but after talking to Pete he added his brother in.  But to cover up the fact that he was adding Mikey to try to get him and Pete to reach out to each other he also added his friend Ray, and encouraged the others to add their band members.  It became a shit show, but he noticed that around the same time it started to go down hill, Mikey and Pete had both stopped replying.  He also knew they thought they were being sly about it, but Gerard knew Mikey all too well.  The boy barely had any interest in technology except for video games, but since the group chat started he was glued to his phone, smiling while he typed away.  It got to the point where Gerard would mess with him by sending him a text while he knew that Mikey was waiting for Pete to respond.  It became a game, that Mikey didn’t know was being played.  Seeing them hitting it off made the shitty day Gerard just had a little bit better as he forced himself into a dreamland of his mind’s creation.

 

***

 

Mikey and Pete didn’t look at each other, but they both smiled as they made their way to Patrick and Brendon’s building.  Mikey was ecstatic to be with Pete, it was the first time they met in person, and he was just as amazing face to face as he was through technology.  The only problem was communicating, usually it was harder to get what someone was trying to say in text because the emotion is harder to read, but for them that wasn’t a problem.  And now that they were face to face they didn’t know what to say, without having that line in between them to keep their emotion separate from the person they didn’t know what topics were off limits and what was left to be said.  

The glow of the moon left them even more vulnerable than they already were, and the stars that decorated the sky made them feel closer than they were.  If it weren’t for the people who were roaming around outside trying to get to know the people in their graduating class they would have felt as if they were alone, and that the world belonged only to them.   

When they got to the building Patrick was already waiting on the main floor to show them where his room was.  “Where’s Gerard?”  Patrick asked leading them down the main hallway of the first floor.  

“He fell asleep,” Mikey answered.  He wasn’t much of a talker, but around Pete he didn’t feel the need to hold back, unless he really didn’t know what to say.  “I guess he was worn out from all of those _fun_ icebreakers we had to play today.”

Patrick and Pete both laughed at Mikey’s joke, but really all Mikey heard was Pete’s laugh.  It wasn’t at all what he was expecting.  It was better than he imagined, more high pitched and wild, but it was real.  It was a laugh that wasn’t censored, nothing was held back when he laughed.  Admittedly Mikey found it to be really cute, but he wouldn’t say that out loud.  

“Can I ask how you snuck into the orientation group,” Patrick asked unlocking the door to their room.  Brendon was sitting on the floor crossed legged playing on his phone, he put it away when the other three stepped inside.

“Oh yeah,”  Mikey nodded his head, “well I waited until the last minute, and stepped up to the table.  It was luck, really, that someone decided not to show up, and I passed myself as that person.  I told my parents that they asked if I wanted to join as a prospective student.  My mom looked skeptical and my dad didn’t give a shit...so here I am.”

“Why?”  Brendon asked standing up. “Why would you pass up a hotel bed to sleep on the disgusting floor of a dorm room?”  

“Well technically, I can sleep in the other bed in room 227 of this building,” Mikey said holding out a key, “but what’s the fun in staying in a room with some stranger?”  Brendon shrugged his shoulders, he was easy to appease.  Mikey wasn’t sure how he felt about Brendon, he was little wild for his taste.  But then again from pictures Pete posted on Facebook it didn’t seem like people was all that mellow either.  Pete was different though.  

“Alright so what do you guys want to do?”  Patrick clapped his hands.  They had planned to meet up in Patrick and Brendon’s room to make plans on what to do.  All Mikey wanted was to get some time alone with Pete so they could talk, and all Pete wanted was to have Mikey all to himself.  

“Let’s go on an adventure!”  Brendon pumped his fist in the air.  Pete smirked leaning over to give Brendon a fist bump.  While he wanted to spend alone time with Mikey, an adventure sounded like a pretty great alternative.  

“And by adventure you mean what exactly?”  Patrick asked.  He couldn’t imagine what idiocy would come out of Brendon’s mouth next.  It actually made him nervous, and Pete backing up Brendon didn’t make it any easier to be positive about the idea of an adventure.  

“An exploratory walk around campus of course,” Brendon gave Patrick a look that called Patrick stupid for not knowing the answer before he asked the question.  Pete’s shoulders sunk down, he had gotten excited for nothing.  Mikey on the other hand was coming up with a plan that would hopefully be easy for Pete to catch on to, and leave them with time alone.  That’s all he really wanted out of the night, time to get to know Pete face to face.  

“That sounds great,” Patrick exhaled a sigh of relief.  “Let’s go, we have to be back before midnight, or else we’re sleeping outside for the night.”  Brendon marched out of the room first determined to lead the pack, Patrick followed him rushing so that it didn’t go the way Brendon planned.  Just as Pete was about to follow his best friend, Mikey gently grabbed his wrist.  Pete stopped instantly, he was shocked that Mikey touched him, but the way in made his stomach dance was exciting.

“Follow my lead,” Mikey said under his breath.  He knew he should let go of Pete’s wrist, but just wasn’t ready yet.  It somehow fit perfectly in his hand, and it sent tingling sensations up his entire arm sending his heart rate into a fast frenzy that begged to keep holding on.  With a heavy inhale Mikey finally let go, and made his way out of the room.  Pete stood alone in the dark room wondering how he had went from the guy who didn’t let himself get mixed up with actual feelings, to the guy who was letting himself get wrapped around a high schooler's finger.  What is it about Mikey Way, Pete questioned himself as he finally left the room closing the door behind him.  The other three were standing in the hallway waiting for him, Patrick’s eyes looked between Mikey and Pete like a puzzle he couldn’t wait to put together.  Brendon just glared at Pete.

“Ready?  The adventure can’t wait much longer,” Brendon was clearly irritated, but Pete didn’t care.  Instead he watched as Mikey started to take lead, neither Brendon nor Patrick getting it the way they had wanted it.  And Pete brushed past them both to keep up with the long legged 16 year old.  Patrick couldn’t help but notice that.

“I think there’s a pizza place nearby,” Mikey said while forcing out a yawn.

“Yeah I heard that too,” Pete chimed in.  He was standing besides Mikey, trying to be discreet about his side long glances, he also couldn’t help but notice that Mikey was leading the group back toward the building they’d be spending the night in.  Pete wasn’t exactly sure what was going on, but he was starting to see a more devious side of Mikey than he had yet to meet. It was thrilling.

“Actually,” Mikey yawned again, “I’m pretty tired.  I think I’m going to call it a night.”  He pointed to the building they were staying in and started to head inside.  Pete could feel the key weighing heavily in his palm, and Mikey’s words bouncing around inside his skull.

“Hey wait up,” Pete called after Mikey who paused at the door.  “I’m going to go too.  The two of us are stuck sharing a key for the night, and I really don’t feel like being locked out.”  He knew there were literally many solutions to this problem, and could see in Patrick’s face he was thinking the same thing.  So to avoid having to come up with excuses for them all Pete hurried away.  

Patrick and Brendon stood there in awkward silence until Brendon spoke up, “I feel like there was a bit of deceit in there.”  Patrick nodded in agreement.  “Can we still go for a walk, I’m too awake to go to bed, and I don’t want to be alone.  If Sarah sees me and I’m alone she’s going to think she was right about me being to obnoxious to have friends.”  

“Alright,” Patrick mumbled staring off after Pete and Mikey, wondering what his best friend was hiding from him.  “Let’s go explore.”

 

***

 

“Now what?”  Pete asked as Mikey lead him up to the third floor.  

“Well,” Mikey said looking over his shoulder at Pete, “nobody is staying on the third floor according to the RA, so I thought that maybe that means nobody will be in the third floor lounge.  Hopefully it’ll give us some time and space to talk.”  

“Clever,” Pete said with a hint of appreciation.  Before they knew it they reached the third floor and it was completely silent.  The hall lights were off, and so they turned on the flashlights of their phones to help them find their way to the lounge.  When they finally found it the light came on all by itself, it shocked Pete who was already on edge.  “Motion sensor.”  Pete mumbled under his breath.

“Or ghost?”  Mikey questioned pointing to the window.  Outside the moonlight gleamed off of row after row of clean tombstones.  It was eerily beautiful and drew both boys closer.  Instead of sitting on the couches they both took seats in the large windowsill, their feet almost touching in the space between them.  Mikey kept his knees pulled to his chest and rested his chin on them, while Pete kept his straight.  “Gerard used to scare the hell out of me when we were younger by telling me that our house was haunted by ghosts of the Civil War.  He used to line up these stupid toy soldiers he had while I was sleeping, so when I woke up they were around my bed.  It scared me so bad I started to sneak into his room and sleep on his floor.  That annoyed him, so eventually he told me he was lying, but I still couldn’t sleep in my room alone for a long time.  I can’t even count the number of nights we would spend staying up really late trying to make each other laugh.”

“Awe poor Mikey Way,” Pete laughed.  “That’s adorable though, maybe I should call you Baby Boy.”  Pete couldn’t help himself, the words just spilled out before they even gave him a proper warning.  Mikey’s face flamed up, he ducked it into his shoulder trying to keep the embarrassment he felt from Pete’s eyes.  But he was also hiding the smile the idea of Pete calling him Baby Boy came with.  The more he thought about Pete’s voice and those two words mingling the hotter his face got.  Pete watched, he couldn’t help but laugh at Mikey’s reaction.

“It’s not funny,” Mikey mumbled lifting his head slightly to look at Pete.  He was looking up through layers of long eyelashes and glasses, strands of hair caught up in there too.  It all came together in an adorable way that made Pete blush a little.  “Stop laughing,” Mikey said even as some of his own laughter slipped out.

“Baby Boy,” Pete teased, “you sure are cute when you’re flustered.”  Both of them stopped laughing, but their carefree smiles stayed on their faces.  Slowly Mikey let his legs relax so they weren’t so close to his chest.  The tip of his converse met the bottom of Pete’s.

“Listen Peter,” Mikey started to smirk.

“Please don’t say it.”

“Lewis.”

“Micheal.”

“Kingston.”

“James.”

“Wentz.”

“Way.”

“The third.”  The were both laughing by the time they finished saying each other's full names.  Neither of them liked the long versions of their names, and they made a game out of it, Mikey always won because Pete’s name was easier to stretch out than his own was.  “You’re name is pretty cool, and I’m being honest.”

“My name is a train wreck.”  Pete said sternly, he didn’t hate his name, but it was a pain in the ass to deal with.  “Michael James Way is so much better than Peter Lewis Kingston Wentz the third.  At least there’s some kind of flow to yours, mine is just a bunch of names that don’t sound good with anything.”

“If you played your cards right you could have had people calling you King Pete you’re entire life.”  Mikey yawned letting his feet go all the way.  One fell in between Pete’s legs while the other dangled of the side.  He swung it trying to keep moving so he wouldn’t get so tired.  “King Pete is a pretty cool nickname.”

“Would you call me that?”  Pete asked tilting his head.  He could see that Mikey was getting tired, and the way Mikey tried to hide it was cute.  

“Only in secret,” Mikey yawned again looking out over the cemetery.  Pete kept his eyes on Mikey who was barely keeping his eyes open.  “We would be a pretty cool superhero duo.”

“Baby Boy and King Pete, what would our powers be?”

“I don’t know about mine,” Mikey’s voice was getting softer, “but yours would be just about everyone in the book, except for maybe invisibility.  Nobody could possibly miss you, you’re way too out of this world to go unnoticed...actually that would be my power.  Invisibility.  I already have it.”  Mikey’s leg went still and his breathing was leveling out.

“You’re not invisible,” Pete said moving Mikey’s foot so it wasn’t in his way of getting off the windowsill.  “You’re just lucky enough to be seen by the people who actually matter in this world.”  Pete whispered standing by Mikey’s side.  He gently helped Mikey down and set him on the closest couch.  Instead of going to a couch of his own Pete sat on the table next to where Mikey was half asleep.  “Hey Baby Boy, would it be alright if I held your hand?”

“I’d like that King Pete.”  Mikey stuck his hand out for Pete to take.  Their palms were warm, and fit even better than a glove.  Pete didn’t sleep at all that night, instead he held Mikey’s hand until Mikey moved out of his grip, and only then did Pete move to a chair.  He pulled out his phone and started to type a thousand different lyrics that flew at him like a high speed chase until the sun came up the next morning.  


	8. Chapter 7

Before they knew it the first week of classes was over, and people were heading home for the long weekend.  Neither Frank nor Gerard had mentioned anything about it, so when Frank got back to the room on Friday after his only class for the day he was surprised to see Gerard packing a bag.  “Oh, are you going home?”  Frank asked as a greeting.

“No,” Gerard shook his head, “I don’t have a basket to carry my laundry in.”  He turned to look at Frank with a smile on his face.  Frank couldn’t help but notice that the entire week, after Monday, Gerard had been a extremely upbeat.  He was loud, constantly laughing, hardly ever stopped smiling, and was cracking a countless number of jokes.  Frank also noticed that at their nightly dinners with everyone Gerard would talk almost as much as Brendon and Pete.  Pete was also a lot perkier than before, Frank wasn’t sure what happened but he figured it had something to do with Mikey since he seemed to be a sensitive topic between the pair.

“Wanna borrow mine?”  Frank asked gesturing to his basket that was nearly empty.  He had taken his mother’s advice of wearing his pants at least three times before washing them in order to save laundry soap, so really all he had in it were shirts, socks, and underwear.  Gerard on the other hadn’t learned that trick until Frank told him about it the day before.

“If you don’t mind,” Gerard said pulling his dirty clothes out of his bag.  When Frank set his now empty basket on Gerard’s bed, he noticed how Gerard was standing like he was nervous.  “Do you want to go to the record store later?”  Gerard sounded hopeful while asking, like he didn’t know what to expect from Frank.  

“Yeah, that sounds awesome.  Just the two of us or…”  He trailed of wondering if he sounded rude asking.

“Just the two of us,” Gerard answered not sounding at all offended.  “We’ve got a daughter to visit remember?  We should probably give her sometime before introducing her to the gang.”

“You make them sound like savages,” Frank joked going back to sit on his bed.

“You’re right, Patrick doesn’t deserve that.”  They both laughed, “I’m kidding.  But I was hoping that you and I could hang out.  We really haven’t had the chance to.”  Gerard hefted the basket of his clothes off the bed and opened the door, standing there poised to knock was a tall, pale skinned, dark haired girl.

“Hi,” she sounded a little timid, “is Frank here?”

“Yeah, he’s on his bed.”  Gerard moved out of the way to let her in.  He wasn’t sure who she was, but she looked really familiar.  Curious Gerard stood in the doorway for a moment.

“Oh, hey Helena,” Frank greeted her.  When they had class together on Wednesday Frank apologized explaining that he really was just in a bad mood, and he didn’t mean to be so rude to her.  It turns out he had made the right decision because she wasn’t just a really nice person, she was funny, smart and a Psychology major.  “I almost forgot about studying.”  Gerard quietly slipped out of the room, and made his way to the laundry room a few doors down.

“I took the online quiz,” Helena sounded defeated, “it was pretty rough for a introductory chapter quiz.  The highest I’ve gotten so far is an eighty-five.”  Frank’s eyes widened.  He had taken the damn quiz twenty times and the highest he had gotten was a fifty-six.

“How many times did you take it?”  Frank asked.

“It’s embarrassing really,” Helena mumbled, “I’ve taken it five times.”

“What?  How?”  Frank couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“I know, I know,” Helena rushed to her own defense.  “Five times is a lot especially because I’m major in psychology, but it’s really hard.”

“No, Jesus Christ, I’m not ragging on you,” Frank hurried to correct the situation, he had been a little on edge about how he treated her still feeling guilty because of Monday.  “I mean how did you manage to score so high in only five tries?  I’ve taken it twenty times for fuck’s sake and I can’t even get a 60.”  

Helena smiled a little color coming to her face.  “Oh, well all I really did was study.”  She shrugged her shoulders.

“Yeah, I didn’t do that.”  Frank admitted.  

“I figured,” Helena teased.  “That’s why I brought somethings with me.”  She held up a tote bag to prove she did in fact bring studying materials with her.  “Where do you want to study?”

“In here’s fine,” Frank moved to one end of his bed, and patted his mattress.  “Gee won’t mind.” 

“Uh, okay.”  Helena nervously climbed onto Frank’s bed.  She sat crossed legged facing him.  Silently she pulled out her textbook, a notebook, flashcards, and her laptop.  

“Relax,” Frank said noticing how Helena had changed.  “I promise I won’t make a move on you.  If anyone has to worry about that, it’s my roommate.”  

“Oh,” she said surprised, “are you saying you’re gay?”  

“Yeah,” Frank answered.

“Good, that makes our friendship less complicated.”  And just like that she was back to normal.  All smiles and happy to have a friend.  “Can I just ask you one more question before we start?”

“Sure,” Frank said pulling up the online quiz on his laptop.

“Are you also saying you have a crush on your roommate?”  She was watching him, waiting for an answer.

“You’ve seen him right?”  Frank asked smirking.

“Yeah.”

“How could I not be crushing on him,” Frank looked at Helena who was beaming with a smile.  “His personality is just an added bonus.”

“I hate myself for saying this, but I ship it.”

 

***

 

Gerard was throwing his clothes into the washing machine, his earphones in.  He didn’t even realize he had started to sing under his breath, but when he turned around Jamia was standing in the doorway her mouth open slightly.  Embarrassed about being caught singing Gerard ripped his earphones out.

“Oh my God, you’re really good.”  Jamia complimented.  “You’re voice is really unique.”  Slowly she made her way to a washing machine with her clothes in it, and began putting her wet clothes into the dryer.  

“Thank you,” Gerard said ready to go back to the room, but didn’t know if she would think he was rude for leaving just when she got there.  So he stood there awkwardly not sure if she was going to say anything.

“I noticed that you were majoring in Fine Arts,” she said looking over her shoulder.  “I’m really jealous, I wish I had talent like that, but I’m not really geared that way.  And those drawings for the icebreaker were so cool, I’m impressed how much detail went into them even though it was a small space and only ten minutes.”  All of her clothes were in the dryer and she threw a dryer sheet in not really paying too much attention to the what she was doing, at this point had become an old habit.  She picked one of the buttons at random after closing the machine.

“Thanks again,” Gerard smiled.  She was nice, he thought to himself, but for some reason he wasn’t sure he could actually say he liked her.  “I’m going to go back to my room now,” he said pointing to the exit.  

They both made for the door, Jamia trying to think of something to say.  She wanted an excuse to stop by Frank and Gerard’s room, and if she played the conversation out the right way she might just be able to do that.  “How long have you been singing and drawing?”

“Ever since I can remember,” Gerard said a little annoyed, he knew what she was doing.  

“That’s cool,” Jamia’s black hair fell into her face, and she quickly pushed it behind her ear.  “So, how are you adjusting to life here?  I know it was pretty tough my first week, and I’ve had a lot of people come and ask for help.”

They were at Gerard’s door, but he didn’t go to open it.  “Pretty good,” Gerard said the key in his hand.  “I made friends at orientation so it really isn’t a big deal.  We’ve been keeping each other distracted.”

“That’s good,” she stood awkwardly waiting for him to put the key in the door.  “How is Frank adjusting?  I haven’t seen much of him.”

“Good,” Gerard knew where this was going, “you can ask him yourself.”  It was painful opening the door.  He really didn’t want to do this to Frank, but if it meant Jamia would let him go, then it really couldn’t hurt anyone.  When he opened the door he heard the end of Helena’s sentence, not really sure what they were talking about.  “Hey, Jamia’s here.”  Gerard said trying not to sound like he was irritated.  He made his way to his bed, ready to finally get some sketches done.

“Hey,” Helena and Frank greeted at the same time, both of their faces gaining a slight pink tone to the cheeks.  Gerard looked at the pair warily, wondering what they were talking about that it actually embarrassed them.

“Oh hi,” Jamia smiled, her eyes were fixated on Helena.  Gerard had to give it to her, she was holding it together pretty well considering how quickly she took to Frank.  Although he couldn’t help but notice the slight red tint that came to her face, and before he knew it everyone was looking at him with warm faces.  Frank and Jamia were glaring hard at him, but Helena just looked confused and uncomfortable. 

“I think the washer is done,” Gerard hummed trying to get out of the awkward atmosphere of the room.

“You just put it in,” Helena said.  She could sense the weirdness too, along with the blame that Frank and Jamia were silently throwing his way.  She didn’t want to be left alone.  “It takes longer than that.”

“I did quick wash,” Gerard said getting down off his bed.

“And that takes almost half an hour,” Helena smirked.  Part of Gerard wanted to hate her for it, but he had to admit that he was impressed that the quiet girl was so devious.  No wonder she and Frank had become friends so quickly.  “It’s hardly been five minutes.”

Gerard was left speechless, so instead he sat down at his desk.  “Well,” Jamia said, “I wanted to check in, to make sure my residents are doing okay.”

“Everything is just fine,” Frank said nodding his head.  “Gerard, Helena, and I are doing just fine.”  Gerard hid his face in the closest thing he could find, which was the wall.  He knew that the other three people in the room could see his shoulders shaking with laughter, but he couldn’t help himself.  Frank just sounded so dumb, it was as if he had switched bodies with Brendon or Pete and was just saying whatever came to mind first.  

“Good, that’s good,” Jamia sighed, “if you three need anything just let me know.”  With that she closed the door.  Gerard turned to face Frank who was shooting bloodied daggers from his eyes.  It only made Gerard’s laughter grow.

“What just happened?”  Helena asked, starting to feel a little more uneasy than when Jamia was in the room.  Conflict of any sort always managed to make her uncomfortable.

“Jamia is hardcore crushing on our boy Frankie,” Gerard said sobering up.  Frank blinked, the daggers stopping.  Gerard had called him Frankie, something he normally would’ve hated because the people who always called him that, never meant it in a way other than to be mean.  But Gerard used it to claim him, while he had said "our," all Frank really could focus was that in some way that meant my.  

“You’re just going to let her pine after you?”  Helena asked.  Frank was thrown of by the way she almost sounded offended.  Frank didn’t know what to say, he was blindsided by both of them, and their words in such close, rapid succession he could almost feel the room spinning.  “She has no chance with you, you’re gay.  The least you could do is be direct and tell her.”

“She has a point,” Gerard mumbled looking serious now.  Frank was still completely lost.  All of the sudden his friends were ganging up on him for something he wasn’t even aware of being viewed as a problem.  “She’s a little clingy now, but if you even let her play out this idea it might get worse.”

“You’re such a guy,” Helena said.  As much as she hated confrontation, she felt close enough to Frank to be more vocal than she usually was.

“Well duh,” Gerard said motioning to his crotch.  “Was I giving off the impression that I don’t find myself to be a male human being?”  He stood going back to his bed, his sketch books sprawled out waiting for him to decorate their pages with his work.

Helena rolled her eyes and turned to Frank.  “Okay, Frank I’m going to need you to listen to me,” she folded her hands.  “As a female, I know where Jamia is coming from.  You two may see this as a nuisance, a problem, but in reality what’s happening here is a girl has some kind of attraction to you and will end up hurt if you don’t tell her now.  The longer you wait the harder it will get to let her down.”

“She doesn’t know me,” Frank said, “so she can’t actually like me.  My appearance and my personality are two totally different things.  She’ll get over attraction as soon as someone else comes along that catches her eye.”

“He’s got a point,” Gerard mumbled falling deep into thought.

“It doesn’t matter,” Helena sighed exasperated.  “She’s your RA, she’ll get to know you and while you don’t make a great first impression, you’re actually really cool.  Don’t risk it Frank, just tell her.”

“That’s also a fair point,” Gerard said, feeling like he had switched bodies with either Brendon or Pete.  It wasn't exactly the best feeling in the world.

“Okay, Gerard,” Frank said looking at him, “you’re really not helping.  At all.”

“Yeah,” Helena chimed in, “you sound like a debate slut.”

“I’m actually a jacket slut, if I’m a slut at all.”  Gerard meant it in all seriousness, and both Helena and Frank looked at him cautiously.

“What?”  Helena asked.

“Are you trying to pull a Brendon?”  Frank said with a tiny hint of annoyance in his tone.

“No, I’m being serious.”  Gerard said climbing off his bed again.

“I’m curious as to what’s about to happen,” Helena said holding out her hand, “let’s table this discussion for now.”  She prompted Frank to shake her hand, and he did.  They watched as Gerard pulled back the wooden sliding door, that he usually left closed hiding the contents of his closet.  It was jammed pack with jackets of all different kinds, and he turned towards them with a proud smile on his face.  

“I love jackets,” Gerard beamed enthusiastically, “I’m a jacket slut.”  He repeated.

“Wow,” Helena climbed off of Frank’s bed and went to stand beside Gerard.  “Can I borrow one, some of these are so cute.”  Her hand reached out for a red leather jacket, but she pulled it back in case she was overstepping some kind of boundary.

“I can’t say yes to that yet,” Gerard said, “I need to get to know you better.  I may be a slut, but I’m a loyal slut, if I lend them out I need to know they’re in good hands.”  Frank smiled from his place on his bed.  He was glad to see his new friend getting along with his roommate.  But as the pair dove further and further into a conversation about the jackets, he could feel his Psychology grade dropping.  When Gerard went to put his wet clothes in the dryer Helena was trying on different jackets, modeling them for Frank.

“I like Gerard,” she told Frank.  “You two seem to make a good pair, I really do ship it.”  When she turned Frank could see she wasn’t lying, and it made his heart race a little faster.  “Awe, you’re blushing Frank, that’s so cute.”

“Shut up,” Frank hissed worried Gerard might come back, but he managed to be playful about it.  He really liked having Helena around, she was different from the friends he made through Gerard, and didn’t want to scare her off.  “You look good in red leather.”  Frank complimented her, he was being honest, but he was also hoping for a subject change. 

“Thank you,” she said with a smile on her face.  “I love this jacket, it’s surprisingly comfortable.”  Smiling she started to strike poses making Frank laugh a little.  But she stopped, and pulled something out of the jacket pocket.  

“What’s that?” Frank asked getting off the bed, curiosity getting the better of him.  Helena closed her hand around it before Frank could see it.  “Come on Helena what is it?”

“Nothing,” she hummed shoving her hand back into the jacket pocket.  Her heart was pounding in her chest as she clenched the red chip tightly in her hand.  Something told her that she wasn’t supposed to find it, and that nobody was.  This was Gerard’s secret, one that she had accidentally discovered right in front of his roommate.

“You’re freaking me out Helena,” Frank admitted.  He didn’t step any closer, but she still turned to leave the room.  When she did she crashed into Gerard who towered over her.

“What’s going?”  Gerard asked, but nobody answered him.  Helena began to panic, she didn’t want to ruin her friendship with Frank, and she really was starting to see Gerard as a possible friend.  With as much force as she could muster she pushed Gerard back into the hall while slamming the door closed behind them.  “Are you okay Helena?”  Concern was written all over his face, which only gave her more of a reason to make sure she didn’t ruin anything.

“I-I found this,” she pulled her hand out of her pocket revealing the one month sobriety token.  “I didn’t mean to, it was in the pocket and I was just messing around...I didn’t let Frank see.  Gerard I am so sorry.”

“Calm down,” Gerard smiled at her, “I’m proud of that thing.  I thought I lost it in the move, so I should actually thank you for finding it.  Being clean isn’t something I’m ashamed of.”  He took the chip from her and tucked it safely into his the pocket of his jeans.

“Oh,” Helena said standing a little taller, “well that’s good to hear.  Congratulations by the way, my mom had a hard time with alcohol for years.  She keeps her’s in a box beside her bed.”

“How long has she been sober?”  Gerard asked leaning past Helena to check the door knob, it was locked.

“This time?”  Helena scoffed.  It took Gerard by surprise, the way she made it sound only seconds ago was like her mom was on the mend, and had been doing good for some time.  “Maybe two months.  She goes to different AA groups each time she relapses and collects the things, she’s never made it past 3 months.  That box is just a mix of 24 hours, red, gold, and emerald, most of the groups she goes to asks for people who relapse to turn them in, but she doesn’t.  To her it’s a game.”  

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Gerard hissed, “that sucks.  I’m sorry you have to go through that.”  Although he wasn’t sure it was okay to hug Helena, he did it anyway.  He pulled her in close and squeezed her tight.  

“It’s alright,” Helena sniffed pulling back, “she wasn’t ever much of a mother anyway.  My dad is the real MVP.”  She smiled trying to cheer herself up.

“In my house, my dad’s the loser.  He should probably be in AA meetings, but he doesn’t give two shits about anyone, including himself.”  The heavy conversation wasn’t what either of them expected to be having, but for both of them it was a relief to get off their chest.  “You look good in that jacket, the red really works for you.”  Gerard said pinching the material on her shoulder.

“Thanks, Frank said the same thing.”  Helena smiled and turned back to knock on the door.  Frank opened it instantly looking confused.

Helena left after that giving Gerard back his jacket and collecting her Psychology stuff.  As soon as the door closed behind her Gerard turned to Frank, and confessed.  “I just want to let you know that Helena found this,” Gerard pulled the chip from his pocket, and handed it to Frank, who took it with caution.  “I’ve only been sober for one month, but it’s better than I thought I would ever be able to manage.”

“That’s great,” Frank smiled at Gerard flipping the coin over and over in his hand.  He noticed that parts of it were beginning to look a little worn down like someone was constantly rubbing it.  He handed it back to Gerard, their fingers meeting for what Frank thought would be a quick moment, but Gerard clasped his hand around Frank’s hand the chip between their palms.  They stood in silence looking at their connected hands.

“I like Helena,” Gerard said looking up trying to find Frank’s eyes.  He squeezed Frank’s hand a little, the pressure surprised Frank into looking up.  “She kind of makes me think of Mikey, but something about her also makes me think of you too.  It’s weird, my best friend, and the guy who has opened my eyes a lot in the short amount of time that I’ve known him all tangled up inside one really rad girl.  She’ll be allowed to borrow my jacket’s in no time.”  Although his hand begged him not to do it, he pulled their grips apart.  He was nice enough to drag his hand across Frank’s trying to make it seem like it was easier to grab the chip that way, but in all reality he was just buying himself time.

Frank was dumbfounded.  He didn’t know what to say, he didn’t even drop his arm once Gerard had let go.  He could feel every thunderous beat of his heart against his rib cage, and heard the sound it made in his ears.  There were so many questions he wanted to ask Gerard, but instead he let them swim around in his mind.

 

***

 

Neither of them had spoken about the hand holding, and Frank still wasn’t sure what to make of it.  So while he was lost in his thoughts Gerard just kept quiet, but as soon as they stepped into the mesmerizing record store, they were greeted with a bell.  It was a new addition from the last time they had been there.  And no longer was Bandit behind the counter, instead an old man.  He had silver hair, but looked like he could hold his own even with the cane he used to walk.

“Welcome to Bandit Records,” he greeted the guys.  “First time customers?”  

“No,” Gerard spoke up, “we were here about a week ago.  Are you the owner?”

“No,” the man said straight faced, “I’m the proud owner.”  He laughed at his own joke, and Gerard tossed him a lopsided grin.

“So,” Frank spoke up, “does that make you Bandit’s grandfather?”

“Why yes it does,” he smiled with so much pride Frank and Gerard couldn’t help but notice it.  “She’s one of the few things that I’m more proud of than this store.”

“You should be sir,” Gerard smiled.  He noticed light footsteps and soft voices coming from around the corner.  “She gave us a little performance last week and blew us away.  She’s extremely talented.”  Bandit came from the back of the store, she was with two girls who looked very similar, and a boy, they were all smiling and laughing.  When she saw Frank and Gerard she waved at them pausing the conversation she was having.

“You came back!”  She bounded up to them, “Please tell me you’ll play again.  I’ve been telling my cousins about you all week.”

“She says you’re the best non-famous musicians she’s ever heard.”  One of the girls came forward, it sounded almost like a challenge.  Her brown locks fell freely around her face.

“Cherry, don’t be so rude,” the other girl spoke up, her hair pulled into a loose braid that hung over her shoulder.  “I’m sorry, my sister can be a little straightforward sometimes.  I’m Lily and this is Cherry.  That’s our brother Miles.”  Miles stood behind them and raised his hand awkwardly in a greeting.  

“Nice to meet you,” Frank and Gerard said at the same time.  “We’d love to play again, will you join us this time?”  Gerard added.

“Yes, I’d love to!”  Bandit cheered grabbing a guitar that was nearby.  Gerard crossed the store grabbing the one Frank had been coerced into signing.  “Can we do  _ Boulevard of Broken Dreams _ ?”  Frank thought about it for a minute, testing out the tune trying to remember the way to play it.

“We can give it a try,” Frank said not sure he would be able to remember it all too well.

“I’ve got the lyrics engraved in my mind,” Gerard joked smiling at Bandit.  

Bandits cousins all went behind the counter to stand next to their grandfather.  Cherry and Lily climbed on top of the counter to sit up there, Miles stood by his grandfather’s side.  Bandit started to strum and Frank followed her lead playing the rhythm.  When it was his time Gerard started to sing, he sang the verses by himself, but when the chorus came along Bandit harmonized with him.  Lily and Cherry, who were talking at the beginning stopped talking altogether, completely enraptured by the performance.  Miles hummed along, swaying to the sound.  

“ My shadow's the only one that walks beside me/My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating/Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me/Till then I walk alone.”  Gerard and Bandit finished in a heavenly harmony while Frank slowly stopped the rhythm.  The silence afterwards was met with applause.  The trio was so wrapped up in playing they hadn't noticed the new people who had walked in.  

“I’ve never heard such justice given to Green Day before in my life,” Pete said from his place in the doorway.  “I mean except for Green Day.”  

“Yeah,” Patrick agreed, “that was really amazing.”

“I can’t believe how great just the three of you sounded,” Brendon chimed in.

“Thank you,” Gerard said accepting all the compliments from his friends.  Bandit’s face was going red, and Frank just smiled his lip ring brushing against his bottom teeth.  

“Can I ask you two something?” Bandit's grandfather spoke up.

“Sure,” Frank adjusted the guitar strap.

“Would you want to work here?”  He stepped from behind the counter.  His cane clicked against the hardwood floor, the reason for his limp became clear when the metal of his leg peaked out at the ankle.  “My granddaughter has been raving about your talent, and now that I’ve seen it I can’t help but want you two working here.”

“Oh, sir, we couldn’t.”  Frank said surprised by the job offer.

“And why is that?”

“Well...uh,” he wasn’t sure why exactly.  Although part of him guessed it was because he didn’t want to take any money from this store, it didn’t give off the impression of making very much in the first place.

“I’m Donnie Russell,” he stuck out his hand, “we’ll make a schedule up in a few weeks.  For now we’ll just have the two of you come in to work whenever you feel like you’ve got the time.”  Gerard happily shook Donnie’s hand, if he couldn’t work at the comic book store back home, he would love to work here.  Frank on the other hand hesitated, he needed the money for his car insurance and academic based financial situations, but for some reason it didn’t seem right coming from Bandit’s Records.  But when he looked at Gerard who was smiling like he had just discovered gold he shook Donnie’s hand.

“No fair,” Brendon pouted as he flipped through a box of records.  “Patrick and I found the place, if it weren’t for us you two wouldn’t be employed.” 

“I’ll buy you pizza with my first paycheck,” Gerard offered at the same time Frank said:

“Thanks for getting me a job.”

“Deal, and you’re very welcome.”  Brendon smirked, before excitedly pulling out a record.  “Sarah is going to love this.”  He hurriedly paid for it, nobody getting the chance to see what it was.  He pulled out his phone and texted her.  His friend’s watched in disbelief but said nothing, it was the most calm they had seen Brendon and they didn’t want to ruin it.

Bandit pulled Gerard off to the side and whispered, “Are these guys all your friends?”

“Yeah,” Gerard answered.  “They’re all musically inclined too, or so they say.”

“Woah,” Bandit peaked behind Gerard, her face going a little red.  “What’re their names?”

“Well the one that just made a purchase is Brendon, the one on his cell phone by the door is Pete, and the one in the fedora is Patrick.”  Gerard noticed that when he named Patrick Bandit’s face went just slightly pinker.  He was going to say something about it, when Frank joined their conversation.

“Are you harboring our daughter?”  Frank joked.

“Yes,” Gerard said, “how could I not?  I’m trying to get her to admit that I’m her favorite.”  Gerard winked at her, it was his way of letting her know he wouldn’t say anything.

“Do you think the guys would be down to perform?”  Frank asked.  “I think Bandit should show off her skills.”

“We could totally try Bohemian Rhapsody again,” Gerard said excitedly, “there’s enough vocalists to try and cover it all.”

“Wanna play Bohemian Rhapsody?”  Frank asked the gang.  He was met with a chorus of ‘Hell yeahs.’  Pete went further back into the store and emerged with a bass.  Lily and Cherry sat on the counter waiting to listen, Miles had joined them.  Their grandfather stood leaning against the counter.  Bandit pulled the chair from behind the counter and sat down, Gerard and Patrick stood side by side next to Bandit, while Brenon sat on the floor.  Pete and Frank stood completing the circle.  This time there was no laughter, instead they all worked in sync with hardly any confusion or problems.  And when it came time to sing the closing line Brendon, Gerard and Patrick let Bandit take it away.

“I’m speechless,” Donnie said, “I can’t believe the talent in this room.  You’re all going to big someday.”  He patted Bandit on the shoulder, and the pride was evident once again.  Frank and Gerard met eyes across the circle, and their shared look said it all.  They may not actually be Bandit’s real parents but they were proud of her, and had no doubt that she had the ability to make music that the world would hear someday.


	9. Chapter 8

“Do you guys want to get dinner?”  Pete asked taking a moment away from the glowing screen of his iPhone.  The five of them stood outside of Brendon’s building trying to figure out how to get Brendon to go inside.  Pete had given up, before he even began.

“Food isn’t the issue right now,” Brendon told Pete sternly, but whispered to him “yes, the normal time and place would be great.”  Patrick sighed, hanging his head wondering how he had been sucked into this weird group of people.  And when he looked up, he saw the reason: Gerard Way.  He connected them through FaceBook, and now he wasn’t sure if it was such a great idea to let himself be sucked into it.

“Brendon, you have to go inside,” Gerard said patting his friend on the shoulder.  “You live in that building, everything you own that is on this campus is in there.”  Gently he pushed Brendon towards the doors, the others watched wondering if this fifth attempt would work.

“But Sarah is in there,” Brendon shouted for, well they had lost count, but it was many, many times.  Gerard looked over his shoulder to see Frank watching this his head tilted wondering what Gerard had planned.  In one quick motion Gerard threw his arm over Brendon’s shoulder and pulled him close so nobody else could hear what he was about to say.  “Why are we so close?”  Brendon asked as a slight breeze washed over the back of their necks.

“Because it’s quiet time, so I need you to be quiet and listen.  Can you do that for me?”  Gerard waited for Brendon to respond.  “You can answer me.”

“Oh,” Brendon whispered back, “then yes, yes I can.”

“Okay, good.”  Gerard inhaled deeply before starting.  “I can tell you really like this Sarah, and that’s really great.  You’re nervous around her, and that makes a lot of sense, but if you keep psyching yourself out to the point where you’re afraid of her, you’re not going to get anywhere.  You told her about the record, right?”

Brendon nodded, the hand holding the white plastic bag twitched as if to remind himself of the record he had bought for her.  His nerves were shot, and he was embarrassed by the way he was acting, but Sarah was the most amazing woman he had ever met and he wanted nothing more than to make himself seem good enough for her, in her eyes.  His way of coping with it, and the way it made him feel as if a single mouse squeak could give him a heart attack, was to over exaggerate how he was feeling.  It was how he had always coped with things, and Brendon wasn’t sure he could put it into words.

“You can’t dangle it in her face and then not give it to her,” Gerard tried to use the angle of teasing someone with a gift.  “Not only would it be rude, it would really hurt your chances with this girl, and you don’t want that, right?”

Brendon nodded again, he straightened himself forcing Gerard to drop his arm.  When he stood up, he noticed Sarah standing just outside the doors of the building looking at Brendon and Gerard slightly confused.

“Are you playing football or something?”  She smiled at Brendon, coming down the steps to stand right in front of him.  “I didn’t really peg you as a football player.” 

“I’m not,” Brendon clarified looking at Gerard for help.

“I’m Gerard Way,” Gerard intervened hoping to give Brendon sometime to recuperate.  “Brendon and I were just having a quick pep talk, it was nothing really.”

“I’m Sarah Orzechowski,” she smiled again.  “I came outside because my window was open and I kept hearing shouting.  After a few  _ but Sarah is in there _ ’s I thought I’d come outside and see what the commotion was.”

“Yeah,” Pete stepped forward, “Brendon here is nervous about giving you this secretive record he bought.  He won’t shut up about you, and if you know Brendon, you know he never shuts up.  I’m Pete Wentz by the way.”  Sarah’s eyes widened, she was surprised to hear it.  Gerard and Pete shared a glance.

“Really?”  Sarah questioned, she sounded doubtful, but there was the tiniest fraction of hope somewhere within the doubt.

“Really,” Gerard answered.  “You seem like a really great person, but we’re getting a little annoyed with how often he says your name.”

“We started placing bets,” Frank said from behind them.  Gerard and Pete nodded their heads.

“I got myself three, no questions asked favors at my disposal,” Pete told Sarah all while nodding his head.  “I bet he would bring you up at least three times before we even got our food last night.”

“It’s only been a week,” Gerard reminded Sarah, “we’re not sure we can handle much longer.”  At this point both Brendon and Sarah were blushing pretty hard.  Brendon didn’t seem to get that he had wingmen backing up, and Sarah was really enjoying what was being said.  She was fighting a smile, but lost.  And when Brendon saw it he couldn’t help but smile too.

“That’s really sweet,” she whispered, “do you want to get dinner tonight?”

Brendon looked at his friends who all nodded their heads.  “Yeah, that would be great,” Brendon said following Sarah as she lead him inside of their dorm hall.  The other guys watched as he handed her the plastic bag once they got inside, tentatively she peaked inside the bag and she smiled as she threw her arms around Brendon in a big hug.  He stumbled back a little but, gently placed his arms around her.

“What record was it?”  Patrick spoke up sounding a little agitated.  “I don’t see why he just wouldn’t tell us.”  The four boys began to walk back to their residence hall.

“Curiosity killed the cat Trick,” Pete nudged his best friend’s shoulder.  Frank and Gerard fell behind them.

“That trip to Bandit’s Records didn’t go as I planned,” Gerard told Frank quitely.  The sounds of Pete and Patrick’s banter floated back towards them, but neither of them were listening to it.

“Oh yeah?”  Frank questioned slightly amused.  “And what exactly did you have planned?”

“Well,” Gerard cleared his throat, “just some time for you and I to hang out.  I thought it would be fun to get to know each other better there.”  Gerard’s neck was gaining a hint of red, but Frank didn’t say anything about it.

“That would’ve been fun,” Frank said smiling up at Gerard.  “Why...I mean, was there something you wanted me to find out while we were there?”  

“Um,” Gerard was still trying to decide what he wanted to say.  “I, uh, I think so.”  The pair came to a stop as they waited for Pete to unlock the door with his ID card.

“Take it back Patty Cakes or you’re not getting inside,” he stood, his arms folded over his chest, in front of the scanner making it impossible to get in the building.  “Take it back.”

“Fine,” Patrick sighed, “it’s not, not cute that you call him that.”  

“That didn’t seem exactly sincere,” Pete said firmly, leaning against the scanner.  The sun was at its peak making Pete squint.  “Guys call their girlfriends baby girl, so how is Baby Boy any different?  It seems like a double standard to me.”

“Pete,” Patrick said squaring his shoulders.  Gerard hung his head and sighed heavily.  “I don’t like baby girl either, so there’s no double standard on my part.”  

“Oh,” Pete mumbled, “why didn’t you just say so?”  He stepped out of the way, swiping his own card letting everyone in before him.  

“I didn’t know that’s why you were so upset,” Patrick mumbled as he passed Pete.  All four of them gathered at bottom of the inside stairs.  “So do the two of you want to get dinner later?”  

“Sure,” Gerard said.  “Hey, since we’ll have an extra space do you mind if we bring someone along?”

“A new friend?”  Pete winked.

“Jesus,” Patrick shook his head, “yeah that would be great.  Meet here at six-thirty?”

“See you then,” Gerard answered before heading down the stairs that lead to the basement, while the other two headed up the ones that lead to their floor.  “I think Helena would like the guys.”  

“They might be a little much,” Frank said worried that this would be the reason Helena would stop talking to him.

“I only asked because Brendon won’t be there to overwhelm her.”  Gerard smiled at Frank who couldn’t help but nod in agreement.  “What’s her room number?”  

“She’s two doors to the left of us, across the hall,” Frank said leading the way.  He wasn’t exactly sure of the room number, but he had seen her come out of the room enough times to know.  When they got to the door Frank knocked on it, he was surprised by the guy who opened the door.  He had that classic, asshat look.  Skin tanned to the perfect degree, hair spiked with just enough gel, and a set of pearly whites that reflected the light.

“Can I help you?”  He asked blocking the room from the pair’s vision.

“Is Helena here?”  Frank asked straightening himself out trying to look taller than he was.  The guy that stood before him wasn’t giving off any vibe that eased Frank, insead the guy had Frank putting up a guard.

“Who is Helena?”  A giggle came from inside the room, and a muffled voice answered his question.  “No, she’s in the lounge.”  The guy replied slamming the door in Frank’s face.

“I don’t like that guy,” Gerard mumbled sensing the way Frank had suddenly stiffened upon seeing the douchebag behind the door.

“Me neither,” Frank shook his head.  They made their way to lounge, and it took them a moment to realize that the pile of blankets on the couch was in fact a sleeping Helena.  “What the fuck?”  Frank asked Gerard under his breath making his way to where Helena was taking a nap on the couch.  Gently he tapped on Helena’s shoulder, and she slowly turned to look with sleep glazed eyes at Frank, her face contorting in confusion.  

“Frank?”  Her voice was rough, clearly she had been sleeping for quite some time.  “Why are you in my room?”

“Helena, we’re in the lounge.”  Frank told her.

“What?”  Helena sat up, her hair falling out of her loose ponytail.  “When did I get here?”  Frank’s face twisted in anger, he had a feeling this had to do with Helena’s roommate and her boyfriend.

“Wait,” Gerard said, Frank twisted to look at his roommate not used to hearing Gerard angry, “you’re saying you didn’t come in here yourself?”  

Helena shook her head, her black tangles flying around her face erratically.  Her face was slightly pink from the warmth of the blankets.  “Maria must have had her boyfriend bring me in here so they had time alone, it wouldn’t be the first time.”

“You’re kidding,” Frank barked, turning to leave the room.  Helena could sense the way Frank was angry, so she reached out grabbing his wrist to stop him.  Gerard watched, feeling a huge well of anger in his chest, but didn’t want to act on anything because he could see the way Helena was begging Frank not to with her eyes.  “It’s only been a week and this has happened more than once?  That’s insane, and once is way more than enough.”  

“Don’t worry about it,” Helena said standing up.  She gathered the blankets in a ball and placed it on the end of the couch.  “It’s not a big deal.”

“He touched you,” Frank whispered angrily, “he literally lifted you up and carried you into another room without consulting you.  It’s fucked up, if they wanted alone time they should’ve found somewhere else to go.”

“Frank don’t worry about it, Maria and I just don’t get along.”  Frank didn’t understand how Helena didn’t see what was so wrong with what just happened.  He didn’t want to see Helena get walked all over by her roommate, he was sick of people taking advantage of anyone who was to afraid to speak up, but looking at Helena he realized if he went after Maria and her boyfriend he would be just as bad as them.  Gerard stood behind them watching Frank slowly come to this realization.

“Helena,” Gerard spoke up catching both of their attention, “you can spend the night in our room if you ever need to.”  He wanted to defuse the situation, but not only did he want to do that, he wanted to offer her a solution.

“Yeah, he’s right,” Frank said sounding only slightly less angry.  “You can spend the night in our room anytime, you shouldn’t have to deal with her and her boyfriend’s bullshit.”  

“Thank you, but I’ll be fine.”  Helena looked at her feet, there was so much going on in her mind, but what she noticed most was that she was surprisingly happy in this strange moment.  She had made friends, and even though they hadn’t known her for long they were looking out for her.  It was bittersweet, and it made her lips twitch into a fleeting smile.  At the very least she wasn’t completely alone.  

“Do you want to go to dinner with us, and two of our friends?”  Frank asked.  “We’re going at six-thirty.”

“I’d love that,” Helena said happy the tension was clearing.  “I’ll meet you guys at your room.”  

“They’re still in there,” Frank said, “what are you going to do for three hours?”  

“I’ll go to the quiet study lounge and work on homework,” she gathered her blankets and started to head for the door, “uh, will one of you please come with me so I can grab my things?”  

“I will,” Gerard said knowing that if Frank went it wouldn’t go as Helena was hoping.  It seemed like she was thinking the same thing because she nodded her head vigorously.  “I’ll meet you back in the room.”  Gerard told Frank giving him a look asking him to just go with it.  Frank rubbed his forehead and simply walked back to their room.

“I didn’t hurt his feeling did I?”  Helena asked as Gerard walked with her.  She was on edge about having to deal with her roommate and her awful boyfriend, and the idea of hurting Frank wasn’t helping her any.  

“I doubt it, here give me those.”  Gerard took the ball of blankets from Helena.  When they got to her door he watched as she lifted her hand to knock.  He couldn’t help but notice the way her poised knuckles shook, it broke his heart.  “Hey, don’t be nervous this is your room too.”

“They both just give me a really bad feeling ya’know?”  Helena looked at Gerard her pale gray eyes looking exhausted, it’s the way Mikey’s eyes looked before Pete and then again after their father said what he had said.  

“Yeah, we met him for a second, we’re really not fans of him,” Helena smiled at Gerard, he just figured it was because he was agreeing with her, but in reality she was smiling because he was referring to him and Frank as a ‘we.’  She couldn’t explain it, but for some reason it was cute to her and she thought it would make Frank happy.  “You got this,” Gerard said nodding at the door.  With a deep breath Helena knocked on the door, this time Maria opened the door, in nothing but her bra and a pair of spandex.

“I just need to grab some things,” Helena mumbled stepping around her roommate, Gerard followed her inside the room which stank of sex.  He kept his eyes strictly on Helena’s side of the room, the last thing he wanted to see was that jerk half naked on Maria’s bed.  

“Can you hurry up?  We’re in the middle of something.”  Maria hissed tapping her barefoot on the tile floor, it made a disgusting slapping sound.  Gerard wanted nothing more than to tell this girl off, to remind her she was in a shared living space now, but if Helena didn’t want to start anything he would keep himself held back.  Instead of saying something he placed Helena’s blankets on her bed as he watched her move around the room rather skittishly.  In that moment all he could see in this girl was his brother, the way he would just do everything he could to avoid having to stand up for himself.  It was why Gerard had developed such a strong need to stand up for people who had no voice of their own.  

Gerard walked over to Helena’s side and lightly touched her elbow, “Hey,” he whispered.  “Why don’t you pack a bag for tonight, we’ll figure something out.”  

“Thank you,” Helena croaked, “but it’s okay. I’ve got everything, let’s go.”  She moved quickly leaving the room.  Just as he passed her desk Gerard noticed her lanyard with her key and ID card attached to it and grabbed it.  When he made it to the door Maria stopped him, by putting her arm across the doorway.

“Wait,” she looked Gerard up and down.  He refused to look at her, instead he kept his eyes on Helena who stood in the hallway looking mortified.  “Are you dating her?”

“Helena?” Gerard asked to clarify, even though it wasn’t necessary.  Maria nodded her head.  “I’m not, but she’s a friend of mine.  Why does it matter?”

“It doesn’t,” Maria said with a chuckle before moving her arm.  Once Gerard was in the hallway she slammed the door.  Helena exhaled as if she hadn’t been able to do so in years.

“She’s a piece of work,” Gerard held Helena’s lanyard out to her.  “I think you should talk to someone about a room switch.”  Helena reached out for the item Gerard offered her.

“I tried already, they said they can’t do anything until next semester.”  Helena sighed.  “I’ll meet you guys in your room at six-thirty.  Thank you for your help by the way.”

“Anytime,” with that they parted ways.  As soon as Gerard touched the doorknob Frank was pulling their door open.  “You’re pretty fast, that’s twice today you opened the door almost instantly.”  Gerard said smiling, it was his way of trying to make Frank move away from the anger he was holding on to at the moment.

“Can we talk about what just happened?”  Frank asked letting Gerard inside, he closed the door and turned to his roommate.  “That isn’t okay, we need to help her and…”

“I hate to interrupt,” Gerard said putting his hand up, “but we can’t talk about this, it’s like talking about Helena behind her back, and that isn’t right.”  Gerard sat on his chair, looking up at Frank.

Inside Frank was waging a war.  He wanted to talk about this, he wanted to help Helena, but he couldn’t help but see the point Gerard was making.  The two of them had no right to talk about this without Helena present, and they offered her help, made it clear to her that they’d be waiting if she needed them.  But he still wanted to talk about it, he wanted to find a way to help her.

“Let’s talk about something else, anything else.”  Gerard offered.  Frank looked at him, and remembered the way their hands fit together like puzzle pieces.  How they had held hands only a few hours ago, even though it felt like days had passed.  He already wanted more.

“Why did you do that this morning?”  Frank asked falling back into his rolling chair.  He scooched himself so that there was hardly any room between his knees and Gerard’s.  Gerard tilted his head, “Why did you grab my hand like that?”  Frank looked down at his palm, the ghost of Gerard’s touch lingered there, he had almost forgotten about it.

“Honestly,” Gerard said looking at his own hand, “I wanted to know what it felt like to hold your hand.”  He could feel his face heating up a little bit, but this was the conversation he had hoped to have while at Bandit’s Records.  Somehow having it when behind their dorm room door seemed harder than having it while surrounded by records and musical instruments.

“You, you wanted to know what it felt like,” Frank repeated to himself under his breath.  “Why?”  Neither of them could look at each other, it wasn’t easy for Gerard to admit, and Frank wasn’t sure what to think of it all.

“I just wanted to know if it was as rough as I would imagine it to be,” Gerard said thinking of the calluses he had felt on the pads of Frank’s fingers.  Somehow they managed to be soft enough not to be off putting.  Gerard found himself hoping to feel them against his skin again.

“You think about my hands?”  Frank asked looking up, he watched as Gerard used his own fingers to trace circles on his palm.  He couldn’t help but notice the blush on Gerard’s face, and it made one of his own appear.

“Yes,” Gerard admitted, “I think about them a lot.  I think about your eyes a lot too.”  Gerard wasn’t sure what he was saying anymore.  All he knew was that it felt right, even though it set his face on fire.

“I’m confused,” Frank said.  He was watching the intricate patterns Gerard had started to create in his palm.

“About what?”  Gerard finally looked up catching Frank’s eyes with his own.

“I just don’t think I get what’s happening.”  Frank admitted in the moment he blinked Gerard was looking back down at his own hands.

“Oh,” Gerard said with a chuckle, “well it’s a long story.  But to sum it up, I’ve recently come out to myself, my brother, and then to my mother, we’re all keeping it from my father.  And I guess this is my way of coming out to you, sorry it’s not as clever as yours was.”  Frank’s foot slipped at that moment propelling him forward just enough to knock their knees together.

“You’re gay?”  Frank asked not really sure what else to say.

“Yeah, but I didn’t have the courage to admit it.  I had to get away from home to finally get myself to admit it.”  Gerard looked at Frank who was starting to smile.  Their hearts were beating separately, but in a fast, loud rhythm that would’ve created the perfect song if they could hear the other’s heart.  

“Cool,” Frank said breathlessly trying to play it off as if he hadn’t just found out that his crush wasn’t as far from his reach as he had originally thought.  He wasn’t sure if he was very convincing. 

“Anyway,” Gerard clapped his hands together in an attempt to forget the way Frank’s touch still lingered there.  “I have an important question to ask you.”

Frank was reeling from the new information, he wasn’t exactly sure how important this question Gerard had actually was, but he hoped it had to do with the two of them.  “Yeah, what is it?”  Frank asked his hands aching to take Gerard’s into his own for at least a second, just so he could remember what they felt like.  

“Can I draw you?”  Gerard looked at Frank waiting for an answer.  “I have to do a sample of my style for one of my classes, and I usually draw people.  You were a lot of fun to draw for that ice breaker so I was hoping to you’d model for me.  I’d be quick.”  

“Sure,” Frank said as he fell further into a spiral of confusion.  He wasn’t sure where any of this connected, and his heart was racing just as fast as his thoughts.  

“Awesome, just sit still in a natural pose,” Gerard demanded rolling over to his pile of sketch pads and the plethora of pencils he harbored on his desk.  To Frank it seemed like a task that took little to no thought at all, but inside Gerard was trying to decide what would work best with Frank’s sharp, handsome features.  

“Isn’t a natural pose a juxtaposition or a paradox or an oxymoron or something English class like that?”  Frank questioned trying to figure what the hell he considered to be a natural pose.  

“Yeah, I guess it would be,” Gerard chuckled under his breath as he settled on just a regular number two pencil, there wasn’t anything special about it, but it would help Gerard recreate Frank’s beauty and that was special enough.  “Why don’t you just grab a book and start reading it?  I think it would be the best option.”  

“Okay,” Frank said nodding his head.  He turned to his closet, the few books he brought with him glanced at him waiting to see which of them he would choose.  With a subtle smile Frank reached for the tattered copy of  _ Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone _ .  It was one of his favorites, along with the rest of the series, the Boy Who Lived was Frank’s best friend when nobody else wanted to even know his name.  It was lame, Frank thought, but it was true.  “Where do you want me?”

“On the bed,” Gerard told Frank.  Frank listened, he used the short, three drawer dresser as leverage to climb up onto the bed.  

“Any position in particular?”  Frank held the book gently afraid it might fall apart.  It wasn practically an Iero family heirloom at this point, or at least it looked like it could be one.

“Whatever is most comfortable for you Frankie,” Gerard said finding a clean sheet of paper to work with.  His face heated up as he passed sketches he had drawn of Frank’s hands playing guitar, the images created from his memory.  Frank on the other hand smiled at Gerard who had called him Frankie again.  Slowly he laid down on his stomach and used a pillow to prop him up, while the others rested against the back of his desk and by his feet.  He was facing the window, and Gerard moved still in his computer chair to be by Frank’s head.  Carefully Frank placed his book on mattress, and began to read.  

Gerard started sketching.  His hand moved fast trying to get every last detail of Frank into this portrait.  His style was more cartoonish than it was realistic, so he made Frank into a character.  Before he knew it he was flipping to the next page, and so was Frank.  Gerard switched angles, moving back towards the door, but only a little bit.  His hand was starting to understand the way to move, they way to capture Frank’s essence in a picture created from its own hard work.

Frank was lost in the book, forgetting about why he had started it in the first place.  Unaware of what he was doing he shifted a little bit, and the further and further he got into the plot the less and less he heard Gerard’s pencil against the paper and the sound of the chair’s wheels on the floor.  It was the magic of Harry Potter that drew him in, but it was the power of the words that begged him to stay.

Gently Gerard closed the sketch pad.  It was full, full of drawings of Frank reading and memory recall of his hands playing the guitar.  He was about to tell Frank he was done, but stopped himself.  Instead of saying anything Gerard quietly placed his stuff on his desk, putting the pencil he had used in the top drawer rather than back into the pencil holder it had originally resided in.  Turning his artist eye off Gerard just looked at Frank as the person he was not the perfect bone structure for drawing Gerard loved to mimic.  Even then he saw Frank’s beauty, Gerard really couldn’t blame Jamia for feeling so drawn to Frank.  He watched as Frank turned to the next page, the sound of those calluses he had felt earlier on his skin colliding with paper was oddly alluring.  But Gerard also noticed that Frank’s tongue poked out his mouth just enough to move his lip ring around.  He swallowed hard.  

A slight knock on their door pulled Frank out of the book’s trance, and when he turned to look over his shoulder he noticed Gerard look away quickly.  “Shit, I forgot I wasn’t supposed to move, did I ruin it?”  Frank sat up so he could face Gerard.

“No,” Gerard whispered not really meaning to, he cleared his throat and tried again.  “No, they all turned out great actually.”  Gerard rolled over to the door and pulled it open.

“All of them?  I thought it was just one.”  Frank said confused.  When he saw Helena in the doorway he waved, a happy smile on his face.

“Hey Helena,” Gerard greeted, “It was only supposed to be one, but just you got lost in the story, and  I got lost in drawing you.”  

Behind Gerard’s back Helena raised an eyebrow at Frank with a giddy smile on her face.  “Oh,” Frank said slightly shaking his head at Helena.  “Okay, that’s cool.  Helena you’re early aren’t you?”  

“I’m actually a little late,” Helena said unable to keep the enjoyment from her tone.  “About five minutes to be exact.  What were you two doing for the three hours?”

   Gerard’s pencil coated hand twitched, he hadn’t realized how sore his hand was from drawing until Helena pointed out it had been three hours.  It didn’t feel like that much time had passed, in fact it felt like only minutes had flown by Gerard.  Frank wasn’t too surprised because he had gotten pretty far into the book, but it still left him feeling as though he couldn’t trust the way time moved around him.  

“Reading.”

“Drawing.”  Frank and Gerard said respectively both of them blushing a little.  It wasn’t as if saying those two thing correlated in anyway, but somehow it seemed like it would be clear enough to anyone who asked.  Plus Gerard had given it away already, Helena only asked to hear them both admit to it.  

“That’s great,” She told them nodding towards the door to remind them that they had somewhere to be.  “Do you mind if I leave this stuff if your room while we’re at dinner?”  Helena lifted her study materials looking between Frank and Gerard, her smile like a light summer breeze.  

“Yes,” Frank answered climbing off the bed.  “Hey Gerard do you mind heading up?  I need to talk to Helena really quick.”  Gerard looked between both Frank and Helena before leaving them in the room a little curious what Frank had to say.

“If this is about Maria and…” Helena said sounding tired.  

“No, it’s not about that, well it kind of is” Frank said, “but before I get to that I just want you to know Gerard and I are serious about spending the night if you ever need to.  What I was really going to say is that I’m sorry about how I acted, I’m not really making it easy for you to want to be my friend.”  Frank took Helena’s things and set them on his desk.

“Thank you,” Helena said under her breath, “It’s fine, I appreciate what you were doing, and you’re actually making easier to want to be your friend.  Let’s go, I’m starving.”  Frank exhaled relief as he followed Helena out of the room.

At the bottom of the stairs Frank could hear the sound of Pete’s voice, he couldn’t make out the words exactly, but he knew the voice.  “I’m sorry, Gerard introduced me to these guys.  Two of them can be really rowdy, but at least the loudest won’t be joining us.”  Frank whispered to Helena before climbing up the stairs.  All Helena did was laugh.

To her Frank’s warning was sweet, but back in high school she had friends who clashed with her personality a lot, and she couldn’t love them more.  She needed them, they looked out for her and always had her back.  Helena didn’t care if they were loud and outgoing, as long as they were good people who meant well.  Frank didn’t know it, but he was the quietest friend she ever had.

“Would it be weird if he called me daddy?”  Pete asked wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.  Patrick and Gerard both hung their heads, but Gerard didn’t miss the chance to land a solid punch on Pete’s shoulder.  “Only in bed,” Pete added earning himself another punch.

“Shut up Pete,” Patrick said shaking his head as if it was the only thing keeping him alive.

“I’m kidding, we’ve never even kissed, I may not have standards, but he does.”  Pete looked at Gerard reading the mixed emotions on his face.  “Not that he isn’t...I meant that he’s too good for me.”  

“Yeah, that’s what you better mean.”  Gerard eyed Pete suspiciously before any of them realized that Frank and Helena were staring at them.  Frank just shook his head, there was no doubt in his mind that they conversation Helena had just overheard would sway her opinion of these people before she even got to fully meet them.  But there shouldn’t have been doubt, because although it was against her nature, she felt right at ease with the boys.  They definitely reminded her of her friends back home.  It was nice.

“I’m Helena,” she introduced herself hoping to clear some of the tension that had bubbled up.  “I have Psych 101 with Frank.”  

“I’m Pete,” Pete raised his hand slightly.

“I”m Patrick,” Patrick reached his hand out for Helena to shake.  She was surprised by the action but shook his hand nonetheless.  His palm was soft, and he noticed the same thing about hers.  “Sorry you had to catch the tail end of that conversational mess, it’s probably not the best first impression you could’ve been given.”  Patrick glared at Pete from the corner of his eye.

“It wasn’t as bad as Frank’s,” Helena said with a lighthearted chuckle.  Looking over at Frank she could see the surprise on his face.  “He was really rude, but he apologized and made up for it by being better than his first impression.  I don’t judge.”  

“That’s good, it looks like you’ll fit in just fine with us.  We’re all a little insane.”  Pete smiled.  It was a nice smile, Helena thought, but she was having a hard time looking away from Patrick.  He looked sweet.  

“Insane is more fun,” Helena beamed.  

“I like you already,” Pete said throwing his arm around her shoulder and guiding her outside of the building.  The other guys followed, Frank trying to catch up.  He was afraid that Pete was coming on too strong, and would make Helena uneasy.  “I like your name, it’s kind of old fashioned, but beautiful.”  

“Thank you,” Helena said, from where Frank was she didn’t seem uncomfortable at all.  He wasn’t sure why, but he still felt a little on edge about them meeting her.

“You okay?”  Gerard asked easily keeping up with Frank.  Patrick happily strolled behind everyone else, he had made promise to be on his best behavior tonight.

“Just fine,” Frank whispered keeping an eye on Pete and Helena.

“I wasn’t aware you had another daughter,” Gerard joked.  Patrick’s ears perked up a little as he eavesdropped from behind.  “Did you go behind my back and adopt another kid with someone else?”  Patrick blinked, he was beyond confused.

“I’m capable of being a single parent,” Frank said trying to relax.  “I’m an independent, strong, young man who can raise a child on his own.”  It was a war between them and their mouths trying not to crack a smile in hopes of making the conversation more genuine.  Gerard’s plan to district Frank seemed to be working, but neither of them were aware of their frighteningly confused audience or what was going through his mind.  Patrick wanted to believe it was a joke, but they were so sincere that he wasn’t sure he could write it off as one.  

“I’m hurt Frankie,” Gerard playfully tapped Frank’s shoulder with his own, well tried to, but the height difference really made it so he bumped him with his upper arm.  “This a betrayal for the record books, this is really close to when Copper started to hunt Tod.”

Frank couldn’t hold it in anymore, he had to laugh, but the reminder of Disney’s betrayal of friendship hurt, so it came out as a twisted, gaspy, laugh.  Gerard was shocked to hear the God awful noise come out of Frank and he jumped back knocking Patrick onto his butt.  The commotion had Pete and Helena turning around so fast that Pete tripped over his own feet and brought the two of them to the ground.  Frank reached out and pushed Gerard just enough so he tripped over Patrick landing on his butt as well.

“I’m proud to say I’m the last one standing.”  Frank spoke, but it was all too soon.  Gerard, searching for revenge, used his arm to hit that spot behind Frank’s legs that made his knees give in.  Instead they were all on the pavement, earning themselves quite a few questionable stares.  

“What are you doing?”  They all looked up to see Jessica and Jamia looking down at them.

“Well,” Pete spoke up, “someone yelled ‘the floor is lava’ and since our wills to live have been on hiatus for a while know we decided lava would be the better option.”  Jamia just shook her head, hiding the tiniest of amused smiles.

“I feel like you’re lying Jason,” Jessica said with an extreme look of concentration on her face.  Frank, Gerard and Patrick had to try to hide their laughter, but Helena, who wasn’t in on the joke scrunched her face in confusion.

“Jason?  I thought…” Pete hurriedly covered her mouth with his hand.

“I’ll explain later,” Pete told her and then removed his hand.  “I don’t lie, lying makes you go to hell.”  Pete bit the inside of his lip as he stood, and then reached out to help Helena up.  The other boys followed his lead still trying to hide their own laughter.  

“We’ve got to get going,” Patrick said, before curtly walking away, his shoulder shaking a little.  Frank, Gerard, and Pete said goodbye, as Pete gently pulled Helena to follow them.  

“What just happened, I thought you said your name is Pete?”  Helena asked once they were out of Jessica and Jamia’s earshot.

“It is, but she thinks it’s Jason.  She’s fun to mess with.”  Helena gave Pete a sidelong look before shrugging her shoulders.  The people who surrounded her were definitely an odd group, but they made her feel oddly at ease.  “And that might sound bad, but it’s not...I don’t think.”

“It sounds a little bad,” Helena admitted.

“Trick, what do you think Mr. Morals and Maturity?”  Patrick turned around, his face was a little red from laughing.

“It’s a conflict of interest, I find it morally sketchy, but really funny.”  Patrick answered cooling down from his laughter.

“I agree,” Gerard said, but Helena wasn’t sure how well she could trust that statement from how easily he changed sides on this morning’s debate.  She’d just let it go though, it didn’t seem to be hurting anyone.

“You’re opinion is not trustworthy,” Frank said, “you literally flip flopped so much this morning I wouldn’t blame Helena if she never took anything you say seriously ever again.”  Frank pulled open the door to the dining hall, perched at her usual spot was their favorite card scanner Nancy.  She always seemed to be working whenever they were going to dinner, and even in the week they had been going she had become like another mother to the boys.

“Nancy!”  Gerard greeted loudly happy to see her smiling face.  “How are you today?”

“I’m great honey, how are you?”  She happily swiped his card, which hadn’t given her any problems since the first time.

“I’m great,” Gerard beamed standing off to the side.

“Hi Nancy,” Frank greeted, a smile of his own decorating his face.

“Hey Frank, how did the first week treat you?”  She asked handing him back his card.

“Pretty good,” Frank said, “this is our friend Helena, she’ll be replacing Brendon tonight.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” Nancy smiled taking Helena’s card, “Brendon is a sweet kid, but I hope you’re quieter than him.”  

“I’ve never met him so I really can’t say,” Helena smiled, her voice was just above a whisper.

“I can already tell that you are,” Helena stood awkwardly as the boys and Nancy chuckled in agreement.  “Keep these boys under control, they can get a little rowdy.”  Nancy told Helena as she handed back her ID.  “How are the burns?”  Nancy asked shaking her head a little as Pete’s turn came up.

“Healing nicely,” he put his hands out to show her him his palms.  Everyone was kind of shocked at how little his hands actually burned after grabbing the hot cookie sheet, but they chalked it up to how many times he had done it in the past. 

“Oven mitts,” Nancy said looking at Patrick, her hand outstretched for his card, “please promise me you’ll teach him about them.” 

“Where’s the fun in that?”  Patrick asked earning himself a slightly amused, but mostly disappointed head shake.

“College boys are something else,” Nancy shook her head again handing Patrick his ID, “enjoy dinner you guys.”  They headed up the stairs, and as soon as Pete saw that their corner booth was empty he took off towards it to make sure he could claim it before anyone else, while the rest of his group got in line for food.  

The line was moving slowly, but they split up going in different directions trying to decide what they wanted to eat.  Before they knew that were stuffed in the large corner booth, Helena lucky enough to get the end seat next to Frank, and across from Patrick.  Gerard and Pete were huddled over Pete’s phone screen, and Gerard reared back as if he saw something that made him uncomfortable.  

“I thought you were joking,” Gerard said, “King Pete is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.” 

“He can’t know I told you,” Pete said glaring sidelong at Gerard before sticking up his pinky.  “Promise?”

“You’re such a child,” Gerard said wrapping his pinky around Pete’s, “I promise.”  But he put his other hand behind his back crossing his fingers, an even more childish move.  He couldn’t help it, at some point this information would become a great way to tease Mikey, Gerard just had to pick the right moment to bring up his new knowledge.

“Are you two twelve year old girls?”  Frank asked curious about who called Pete, King Pete in secret.  He kind of figured it was Mikey, because the weirdness that surrounded this mysterious person Pete was always texting was the exact same weirdness that surrounded the topic of Gerard’s younger brother.

“Thirteen,” they said in unison.  Pete went the extra mile and stuck his tongue out, while Gerard pouted.  Helena laughed quietly, as Patrick smiled.  

“So,” Patrick said, “Helena we’ve been told that you’re Frank’s Psych one-oh-one saving grace.  Does that make you a Psych major?”

“Yeah, I want to be an addiction therapist.”  Helena said.  Watching her mother deteriorate into the human disaster she was, had made Helena want to help other people, hoping to save someone else’s daughter the pain she had gone through.

“Cool,” Patrick said, “sounds like you actually have a plan.  I just want to make music…”

“Ugh, dude,” Pete sighed jumping in.  “I know you’re the innocent one, but even you had to hear how douchey that sounded.  You’re not deaf.” 

Frank and Gerard nodded in agreement their mouths full of food.  Patrick rolled his eyes, and punched Pete lightly.  “You say it all the time.”  Patrick complained, he was admittedly a little embarrassed that his best friend had just said that.

“Well he’s a douchebag,” Gerard answered.  

Pete pointed at Gerard as he said “Exactly,” in an all too prideful agreement.

“You on the other hand, are not.”  Frank told Patrick.  Helena leaned back against the cushioned seat enjoying how easily their conversations flowed.  It was amusing.

“Quite honestly, Pete should probably join a frat.”  Gerard smirked, he had known that this wasn’t just a debate the that their group had been having, but it was also one Pete and Mikey were constantly having as well.

“Low blow man,” Pete said.  “I’ve decided not to join one, but that doesn’t mean I won’t act like a frat boy just to piss you all off.” Gerard, Frank, and Patrick high fived.  Gerard knew this had less to do with them and more to do with Mikey’s opinion of the matter.

“Now we just have to make sure Brendon doesn’t Greek Life up, and we’ll be okay.”  Gerard said, and the guys nodded in agreement.  They all agreed that if Brendon joined one he would get into a lot of trouble, and might end up dead from hazing or just plain idiocy.  Although the latter was possible whether or not he was in a frat. 

 

***

 

“Can I come to dinner with you guys more often?”  Helena asked Frank.  He had decided to walk her to her room, just in case, and being a true gentleman he had carried her things from his room to her’s.  

“Yeah, of course.”  Frank said, he was happy that she wasn’t scared away by them.  “I don’t know why you’d want that, but yeah.”

“I don’t know if you know this,” Helena said turning toward her locked door.  “But you guys are fun to be around.  You’re a lot like my friends from high school, and it’s really comforting among all the change.  Frank, you and your friends are exactly what I needed.”  She pushed it open, and exhaled relief when she saw an empty room.  Helena also noticed that Maria’s books were gone, letting her know that the room was all her’s tonight.

“That’s good to hear, I mean I wasn’t expecting it, but I’m really glad to hear it.”  Frank said handing her her things.  “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight Frank.”  Helena closed the door, and Frank went back to his room with a smile on his face.  It was a chaotic day, but in the best way.


	10. Chapter 9

Frank heard it first.  The incessant, loud, and obnoxious pounding on their door, it pulled him out of a dream.  A dream that made it hard to look at Gerard, without heat consuming his entire face, and neck.  He wasn’t sure how Gerard wasn’t waking up to the damn noise, but waking him up to ask him would only make his embarrassment worse.  Climbing off his bed, he was very aware of how cold their room had gotten over night.  It wasn’t such a good idea to leave the window open, and sleep in only his boxers.

He peeked through the peephole, which was another bad idea, because just when he did the culprit hit the door once again.  “Fuck,” Frank hissed pulling the door open, covering his eye.  “What the fuck are you doing Pete?”  Frank growled annoyed.

“Is Gerard here?” Pete asked pushing through, not caring about Frank’s answer.  Frank stood his arms over his chest, back towards the hallway, his face twisted in annoyance.  “Gerard,” Pete lightly pushed Gerard’s sleeping body, it did nothing.  “GERARD!” Pete tried again this time screaming in Gerard’s ear, and pushing hard on the mattress.  Pete was still slightly leaning over Gerard when he awoke with a start.  Their heads collided solidly, with a rather loud thud, that echoed around the around the room.  Frank shook his head, before turning to close their door.

“Oh,” a voice said from the hallway just as he turned, “g-good morning.”  A girl Frank didn’t recognize was passing by.  Her face was going red, and she wasn’t making eye contact with Frank, he understood why girls were pulling the classic  _ eyes up here  _ line when guys were staring at their chests.  

“Good morning,” Frank said back, closing the door.  As much as he wanted to make sure that Gerard was alright, he had to cover up first, that interaction was weird, and it was cold in the room.  He grabbed the black sweatshirt that was on the back of his computer chair and slipped it on.

“What are you doing in my room?”  Frank heard Gerard ask Pete as he rummaged through the dressers that were under his bed.  He pulled on a pair of jeans, and looked up to see that Gerard was sitting with his back against his wall.  They made quick eye contact just before Gerard turned his attention to Pete.  “What?”  Gerard asked, he had missed Pete’s answer.

“I said, why are you ignoring Mikey?”  Pete questioned, holding up Gerard’s cell phone.  He wasn’t sure when Pete had grabbed it, but the screen flashed with notifications.  It was every possible way Mikey could contact Gerard, instantly Gerard began to worry.  He reached out grabbing the phone from Pete’s hand aggressively and called Mikey right away.  Frank watched curiously from behind Pete. 

“Mikey, are you alright?”  Gerard asked, Frank could clearly hear the panic in his roommate’s voice.  He, himself, began to worry to.  

“I’m fine, Pete and I have a plan.”  Mikey said not taking into account how terrifying those last few moments were for Gerard.  Gerard could still feel his heart racing in his ribcage, Mikey really had him worried, and Pete didn’t help any.

“What?”  Gerard asked a little harsher than he had intended to.  “What is this plan of yours?”  Frank watched as Gerard looked up at Pete, his eyes filled with anger, and frustration.  Pete slowly turned on his heel, and when Frank saw his face it looked guilty.  But he didn’t leave, instead he hid behind Gerard’s desk spinning on his chair as if it were the only thing that could possibly cheer him up.  Frank didn’t really care about how Pete was feeling, because he could see clearly on Gerard’s face that he was really freaked out.  And even though Frank didn’t know Mikey all that well, he knew Gerard and he wasn’t the type to overreact unless he was given a reason to.  So to him it seemed like Pete and Mikey were in the wrong, and being completely insensitive.  

“You sound agitated.”  Mikey mumbled, the excitement he had in his voice when he had first answered his phone was slowly disappearing.  

“I’m not.”  Gerard said, his tone betraying him.  He hated that he was being so negative towards Mikey, especially when Mikey was so damn excited about whatever plans he and Pete had come up with.  But Mikey knew that Gerard would’ve worried about him, and he didn’t seem to care.  Lately Mikey had been talking to Pete more, than he did Gerard, and it was really starting to sting.  It had only been a week of being away, and less than a week since Pete and Mikey made up, and yet Gerard was already being pushed to the side.  

“You sound it.”  Mikey said, sounding a little agitated himself at this point.

“Mikey,” Gerard warned, “just tell me your plan okay?”  

Although Mikey wasn’t sure why his brother was upset with him, he sighed and let go of trying to figure it out.  “Pete and I think it would be cool if I came up for homecoming weekend.  I could stay in your room, and hang out with you and Pete for the weekend.  The only thing is mom is acting weird, and every time I talk to her she gives me doe eyes, so you should talk to her.  Bring it up casually, but pretty soon because Pete said it’s two weekends from now.”

“Yeah, sure.”  Gerard mumbled knowing that Pete was the only reason Mikey really wanted to spend the weekend.  It made him feel pretty dejected, as if Mikey was replacing him.  “Oh and Mikey, mom knows.”  Gerard said, he felt like Mikey needed a bit of a heads up, keeping him in the dark seemed so cruel.

“Knows what?”  Mikey asked, but already felt like he knew what Gerard would say.

“About me,” Gerard said aware of Pete being in the room.  “She also knows about you, she overheard you on the phone.  I just thought you should know.”  Gerard whispered into his phone.

“Fuck, Gerard why didn’t you say something sooner?”  Panic rose in Mikey’s voice.

“Don’t worry about it Mikey,” Gerard tried to console his brother.  “She doesn’t care, she really doesn’t care.”  Gerard tried.   


“Dad will,” Mikey hissed, “the fucking prick.”

“Mikey, focus on the light of the situation,” Gerard cooed, “not the dark.  The dark means nothing when there’s even the tiniest bit of light around you.”

“Gee,” Mikey said, “that’s my line you asshole.”  Mikey laughed a little.  

“I thought you might need to hear it, it always helps me a little bit.”  Gerard murmured.

“Thanks,” Mikey smiled into the phone, “I’ll talk to mom about the trip.  Talk to you later Gee.”  With that Mikey hung up the phone.  

“Hey Gerard,” Pete spoke up, “thank you.”  He left without saying anything else.

Feeling oddly exhausted after that phone call Gerard laid back down and let his mattress consume him.  It made him think of home, and how comfortable his bed in his bedroom was.  This one was stiff, and smaller than what he was use to.  The only thing better about this bed was the brand new pillows, they were extremely fluffy and practically heaven, the one’s back home were so worn in and old that they weren’t even comfortable anymore.  Turning towards the wall he tucked one of the soft pillows under his head and sighed.

Concerned, Frank stepped up to the edge of Gerard’s bed.  He had asked Gerard if he was alright, but Gerard didn’t seem to hear him.  “Hey,” he touched Gerard’s shoulder.  At first Frank wasn’t sure if Gerard would acknowledge him, but Gerard turned to face him.  There was nothing there, Frank thought, there was no emotion on Gerard’s face.  “You alright Gee?”

Gerard stared blankly back at Frank before biting his lip.  “I don’t know.”  Gerard answered, that black hole of nothingness in his stomach opening up threatening to take him over again.    

“What just happened?”  Frank asked.  He rested his arms on Gerard’s mattress, crossing them.  Then he rested his head on his arms so he was eye to eye with Gerard.  

“I’m worried Mikey’s replacing me with Pete.”  Gerard answered honestly, there was no betrayal in this because there was no way he could ever talk to Mikey about Mikey.  “I’m the kids best friend, and he’s mine, and yet he talks to Pete more.”  

“I’m assuming they’re together,” Frank said trying to piece it all together.  

“Yeah, and I’m happy for Mikey, because he’s really happy.  But I don’t want to be forgotten.”  There was that nothingness growing in his stomach, it made him shiver.  

“You’re joking right?” Frank asked smiling at Gerard.  It was a beautiful smile, one that Gerard was starting to find comfort in.  “Nobody could possibly forget you Gerard Way, it’s impossible.”  

“You’re trying to make me feel better,” Gerard mumbled, what he didn’t say was that it was working a little bit.

Frank’s smile grew a little.  He was still wearing the lip ring, he hadn’t taken it out since Gerard brought it up.  “Nah, I mean it.  You’ve got amazing hair, and in this day and age that’s all it really takes to be remembered.  Mikey won’t forget you, he’s seen your hair.”

Gerard chuckled, the nothingness had stopped growing.  “My hair?  That’s what you’re going with?” 

“Yeah,” Frank didn’t say that he thought about running his fingers through Gerard’s hair a lot, but he thought it.  “I think you’ve got the best hair of everyone I know.”

Gerard began to smile now.  Frank was something else, he didn’t really know how much he was helping.  Gerard sat up, and then patted the mattress next to him, Frank took the cue, pulling Gerard’s dresser out just enough for him to use as leverage.  They sat with their backs against Gerard’s wall, staring at Frank’s unmade bed.  Being so close to Gerard, Frank began to feel his dream resurface, and Gerard being in nothing but a loose pair of pajama pants didn’t help.

“Can I ask you a question?”  Gerard asked leaning his head against the wall.  His neck was so exposed like that, and Frank’s face flushed as he remembered the marks that he had left on Gerard’s neck in his dream.  Those marks were nothing compared to the ones Gerard had been leaving everywhere, and they certainly had nothing on the one Gerard had been working on just before Pete interrupted Frank’s dream.

“Yeah, of course.”  Frank whispered, still looking at Gerard.  His tongue began to play with his lip ring, it was the only thing he could do to stop himself from just going in for a kiss.  That dream really had taken the tiny shred of self control he did have, and cut it in half.

“Have you ever actually dated another guy?”  Gerard asked turning his head to look at Frank, who had been caught looking at Gerard’s lips dazedly.  

“Um, sort of?”  Frank answered unsure of what constituted  _ dated _ .  It was more of a subjective term, but he was sure that despite it being subjective, he still didn’t really consider what he had done dating.

“Okay,” Gerard nodded, “would you mind explaining.  I mean if you want to, I don’t want to pressure you to talk, if you don't want to.”  

Frank really didn’t mind talking about it, it wasn’t a secret, but Gerard asking him to made him feel slightly embarrassed.  It wasn’t a romantic past, if anything it showed how little Frank thought of himself.  But looking at Gerard, and being so close to him made Frank want to talk about it.  He couldn’t see Gerard judging him for it.

“Back home I was in a private school, so there’s really not much diversity going on there,” Frank felt like he had to clarify this before he actually delved deeper into what he was about to tell Gerard.  Gerard simply nodded.  “So naturally being the gay, weird kid wasn’t ideal.  It kept me in the closet, but there were other guys in the school who weren’t okay with coming out either.  Naturally, as young, horny, closeted fellows do, we somehow sought each other out.  It wasn’t like we dated, we just got each other off, because being out was a little too much, but not getting any sucked.  But it’s not like we went for a free for all either, when we were involved it was exclusive in a weird way.  Most of it meant nothing, but then I started getting involved with this other guy.

“Right off the bat he clarified he wanted nothing but sex,” Frank said, “and that if I told anyone he’d deny it.  Not only would he deny, he’d send the football team after me.”

“A football player?”  Gerard interrupted, Frank nodded.  “I didn’t picture football players as your type.”

“They’re not,” Frank answered quickly, “but I was feeling self destructive enough to go for it.  Anyway, I was up for it, I didn’t like the guy, he was a dick, but he was hot.  What I didn’t expect was for him to lead me on the way he did.  It wasn’t necessarily romantic gestures, I mean the most romantic thing he did was knock on my car window and gave me his almost empty coffee to finish and said, _meet me in our spot, I’ve got major stress I need to release_.  I think what made me think I liked this tool in a romantic way was the Romeo and Juliet affect or some shit.  He’d cast these looks my way in the hallway, and in class, I’d give them back.  We’d go have sex, and pretend like nothing happened.  Sometimes he’d rant to me, tell me things he wouldn’t tell anyone else, and for some reason I thought it would go somewhere.

“I fucked up, when I asked him about his girlfriend though.  I shouldn’t have brought her up, I should’ve known better.  One minute we were making out, getting ready to seal the deal, and the next he’s shoving my face into the bathroom floor of the boys room.   _ Don’t talk about her, don’t you dare bring her up _ he yelled at me, I was fucking shocked.  It’s embarrassing really, but hey low self esteem gets the best of us, and I’m not the best of us.”  Frank watched as he forced his thumbs to dance around each other.  A slight laugh bubbles up his throat, “He’s the reason I came out, I didn’t mean to, it happened on accident, but now he’s at an Ivy League still dating a cheerleader.”

“What a prick,” Gerard muttered.  “Did you cut ties after the bathroom incident?”

“No,” Frank shook his head, “hell we finished after I got up off the floor.  I thought I liked him, and after a while of feeling that way I told him, and I told him I couldn’t do it anymore if he didn’t see it going anywhere.  He told me he  _ might  _ be able to, and I told him it wasn’t good enough because it was clearly a lie.  I tried to walk away from it, but he knew exactly how to stop me, because I decided to confess that I liked him.  He was a master manipulator, and I was nothing but one more toy for him to play with.  I couldn’t take it anymore.”  Frank casted his eyes to look out the window.

“I really couldn’t, it hurt too much to be used, but I didn’t know what to do.  I got a little tipsy at home, and came up with the idea to tell everyone I was gay.  If I outed myself, he’d back off, he couldn’t possibly risk even looking in my direction then.  I should’ve stopped drinking, let my mind clear up, but nope.  I mean I’m happy to be out, I am, I just hate the way it happened.  I went to school drunk off my ass, but nobody noticed which was weird.  They didn’t even notice when I stood in the middle of the cafeteria and shouted from the top of my lungs.   _ I, Frank Iero, the school’s number one loser, am gay!  _  That was all I said, and people ate it up.  News spread so fast that by the time I got home, my dad had heard.  He was so pissed, and my mom did her best to keep things civil, but it didn’t work, she made him leave for the night.  College was my escape route.”

Gerard lifted his hand, Frank’s eyes still trained out the window.  He wasn’t sure if grabbing ahold of Frank’s hand would be comforting like he hoped it would be, or if it would mean something entirely different to Frank.  Taking a risk, he placed his hand over Frank’s.  “Did it work?”

Frank looked down at their hands.  He turned palm toward the ceiling so Gerard’s fingers fell between his own like a gentle waterfall.  They had held hands only the day before, but it felt like a long lost piece of Frank hand been found with their fingers resting in between each other.  “Not really, he still made passes, but they were less and less.  Eventually it cut off, but that was the day of our graduation ceremony.  I’m pathetic.”  Frank whispered.  The pressure from Gerard’s hand grew for a second, before it went back to what it was before.

“You’re not pathetic, Frank, you’re not.”  Frank didn’t answer, instead he looked at the pattern their hands created in his lap.  Their skin tones were pretty close, but Gerard’s fingers faced downwards his knuckles showing, while Frank’s horribly bitten nails faced them.  “I’m serious, you’re far from pathetic.”  Gerard said using his free hand to guide Frank’s chin so it wasn’t pointing down.  To Frank the gesture spoke volumes; Gerard had lifted his chin, and did nothing more than that.  He didn’t force Frank to face him, he was telling Frank to keep his head up, without actually using words.  Frank had to look at Gerard, he had to see what Gerard’s reaction was.

His face was softly neutral.  There wasn’t a frown, or a smile.  His perfect lips were in a straight, tell nothing line.  Gerard’s eyes, which were even more gorgeous up close, didn’t gleam with pity, or sympathy they were just that confusing, intriguing hazel and nothing more.  His face wasn’t actually blank though, there was emotion there, it was just hidden very well.

“Why did you ask me that?”  Frank pondered just as Gerard’s thumb started to trace a line up and down Frank’s hand.  

“I was curious,” Gerard shrugged.  “I didn’t mean to upset you.”  

“You didn’t,” Frank said squeezing Gerard’s hand a little.  “I never actually talked to anyone about that, nobody back home ever wanted to.”  

“What idiots,” Gerard muttered.  “That guy, he clearly doesn’t deserve someone like you.”  Frank wasn’t sure if Gerard was aware of what he had just done.  Not only did he raise his own pedestal, but he made Frank’s heart beat a little faster, and his stomach twist in delight.  

“I’ve got low standards.”  Frank replied.

“You should definitely raise them,” Gerard muttered, he was aware of his head moving a little closer to Frank’s.  And he was _very_ aware of Frank’s moving a little closer to his own.  In that moment of silence as their faces inched forward they both anticipated a kiss, but it never came.  Instead the fire alarm blared, making them jump in surprise.

“Fuck,” Frank muttered climbing off Gerard’s bed.  Gerard followed, grabbing a sweatshirt and putting it on.  “I’ll grab my key,” Frank said as they both slipped on their sneakers.

“An emergency has been reported in the building, please go to the nearest exit and move to the designated meeting area.”  The bland male voice said in between fire alarm wailing.  It kept repeating it, as if the first time wasn’t enough.

Both boys grabbed their phones and headed towards the door.  Everyone ambled out of their rooms like the walking dead.  They all seemed to still have been sleeping, that was Gerard and Frank’s first clue that it was pretty early in the morning.

“I’d rather die than be woken up this fucking earlier!”  Some guy down the hall shouted.  Gerard and Frank both looked at their phones to see that it wasn’t even seven thirty am yet.

“I’m going to kill Pete,” Gerard and Frank muttered at the same time.  Once they were outside, they could see Pete and Patrick.  Patrick looked just as dead as everyone else, Pete looked wide awake.  Frank stomped over to them, Gerard following behind him.  “You’re joking right?”  Frank hissed once they were close enough.

“What?  This wasn’t us.”  Patrick said defensively.  His hair was all over the place, the poor guy was just as irritated to be awake as everyone else.

“Not you and not the fire alarm,” Gerard clarified.  “Pete, you and Mikey seriously couldn’t have waited.  It’s not even seven thirty.  Fuck you guys.”  

“Better me than the fire alarm,” Pete smiled trying to win back Gerard and Frank.

“No, not accurate.”  Gerard hissed.  “Next time at least wait until ten o’clock.”  Frank nodded his head in agreement.

“What’s going on?”  Patrick asked just as a yawn escaped his throat.  Gerard felt bad for him.

“Pete came banging on our door this morning, we just realized how earlier it is.”  Gerard explained, he noticed that Frank had lost focus and was now looking around the quad.  All of the sudden he smiled a little smile and waved someone over.  Gerard wasn’t surprised to see Helena make her way sheepishly over to them.  

“Good morning,” Helena greeted, her entire body was shaking.  “It’s pretty cold out here.”  Her teeth clattered together, as tiny raindrops started to make their way from the clouds to the ground.  

“C’mere,” Frank motioned.  He started lifting the hem of his sweatshirt.

“No,” Helena shook her head, when she saw he wasn’t wearing anything underneath.  “You can’t go shirtless, at least I have long sleeves on.”

“Helena,” Frank started, “that shirt is so fucking thin, it’s not helping any.”

Helena knew he wasn’t going to give up, and she looked to Gerard for help.  Only Gerard thought she wanted his sweatshirt, and reached for his own hem.

“No,” she said exasperated, “are any of you wearing anything under those?”  She asked shocked when they shook their heads.    

“Not unless you count my bra,” Pete added as an afterthought.  Helena smiled a little, but nobody else reacted to what he said.  “I’ve got an idea, we can huddle around you penguin style.” 

“Oh dear God, please don’t.”  Helena said her face going warm.  “It’s really not that cold.”  She insisted.  

“What about this?”  Frank asked pulling her into his body.  “It’s practically a hug.”  He told her, his chin just barely resting on top of her head.

“Hugs don’t usually pin a person’s arms in between the bodies,” Helena said nuzzling in a little.  She couldn’t help it, Frank was warm.

“I’ll let go if you want.”  Frank said his grip loosening.

“No, it’s working.”  Helena said.  She gripped the front his shirt with her hands to keep him from moving away, she could feel his chest shake with a chuckle.  “How are you so warm?”  Helena asked still shaking a little.

“I don’t know.”  Frank answered.  He looked over at Gerard who was grinning like a fool, “What?”

“Like I said, you deserved better.”  Gerard said.  What Frank had told Gerard made him wonder how anyone could treat Frank so terribly, it was borderline sadistic what that guy had done to him.  Frank really did deserve better, better than that guy, and Gerard wanted to be that better, but wasn’t sure that he was.  He knew he would never treat Frank that way, but he was pretty sure, despite that, he still wouldn’t be the better Frank deserved.  Part of Gerard was still extremely ashamed of himself, and was too afraid to come out to the world because their was still a lot of disdain towards the LGBTQ+ one of those people who felt that disdain lived in his house.  He was half the reason Gerard’s life ever came to pass.  Frank had come out fully, had accepted it, and was happy to be out, but Gerard wasn’t ready yet.  Frank deserved a real relationship, one that didn’t have to be hidden.  In that moment, watching as Frank tried to keep Helena warm, and dry Gerard decided that if the opportunity arose, he wouldn’t let himself get involved with Frank that way.  It would only hurt them both, and hurting Frank wasn’t something Gerard wanted to be responsible for.

“This is taking forever,” Pete whined looking at Patrick, who was half asleep standing there, “Trick can you go find out what’s happening?”  Patrick opened his eyes to look at Pete and shook his head.

“No, you should’ve grabbed your phone.”  Patrick said closing his eyes again.  

“Patty Cakes, please.”  Pete tried again, but this time Patrick ignored him.  “Please.”  Pete tried again, but it really seemed like Patrick had fallen asleep standing up.  He turned to look at Gerard and Frank, but didn’t even try knowing that he wouldn’t get a yes from either of them, especially not after he had woken them up so early in the morning.  He looked at his last option, curled up in Frank’s arms trying to get warm on this oddly cold September morning. 

“No,” She muttered turning her head so she wasn’t facing Pete, afraid she would give in.  

The five of them stood in silence, as firemen entered the building going right to the basement.  “How much do you want to bet it was a dryer?”  Frank muttered thinking of the girl who had eyed him up while passing their door.

“So early in the morning?”  Helena asked.

“Yeah,” Gerard agreed with Helena, “that doesn’t seem likely.”

“If I agree with any of you, will you ask what’s happening?”  Pete spoke up, only to get ignored.  He suddenly wondered if this is how Brendon felt sometimes.  They were admittedly a little harsh to the guy, but half the time it wasn’t on purpose they just didn’t know how to respond to his insanity.  But Pete had no doubt that if Brendon were here he would do Pete this solid.  Suddenly the alarm cut out, and one of the RA’s stood up on a bench.  Frank, Gerard, and Helena both groaned when they recognized Bob as the RA.

“You can go back in, just don’t go into the laundry room.”  Frank looked between Helena and Gerard feeling smug.  “And if you were doing laundry this morning I’m going to need you to hang back.”  Frank let Helena out of his arms, and she smiled at him.

“That was very chivalrous of you Frank,” Everyone started to move forward, Helena falling into place between Frank and Gerard.  Pete and Patrick were ahead of them, Pete jabbering on and on about how none of them were really his friends.  “Why didn’t you ask yourself?”  Helena questioned, which made the guys hum in curious agreement.

“It’s too early to deal with Jessica,” Pete said as if this information was already clear.  Nobody really thought of that.

“Sucks to suck,” Frank muttered under his breath, and he instantly regretted it.

“I don’t think so,” Pete winked back at Frank.  “Sucking isn’t that bad, in fact it can be quite fun…”

“Dude, shut up,” Patrick said his eyes wide.  He even punched Pete on the arm.  “What the hell is wrong with you?  You cross so many lines man, you need to chill.”  Gerard was surprised to see Patrick like this, apparently he wasn’t a morning person.

“What lines?”  Pete said rubbing the sore spot on his arm.

“My God,” Patrick muttered.  “What lines?  Well first there’s a girl present, she probably doesn’t want to hear about this.  Then of course there’s Gerard, you’re talking to his brother so I doubt he wants to hear any of that either.  As your friend, I most definitely don’t want to hear about your sex life, and Frank probably doesn’t want to hear you speak at all after the stunt you pulled this morning.  Speaking of you also woke Gerard and Frank up at like six thirty in the morning, those are lines.  Lines, Pete, lines that you crossed today alone and it’s not even eight o’clock.”

Frank looked at Gerard who was watching the interaction with morbid curiosity.  “I’m sorry,” Pete said looking shocked himself.

“I’m not mad,” Patrick rushed out, “I’m just tired, and frustrated.  Who in their right mind does laundry so early in the morning?”  Nobody answered, because nobody had a logical answer for that question, a question they were all asking themselves.  Instead they went back to their rooms in complete silence, all of them wide awake and not really sure what to do.  

 

***

 

Gerard sat in his computer chair, resting his elbow on the desk, and pushing his tangled red strands out of his face.  He could feel the weight of the bags under her eyes as he looked up through his eyelashes at Frank who was standing awkwardly by their door.  Both of them swallowed hard, now that they were alone again their earlier proximity had resurfaced and they both knew that it was going to get extremely awkward, very quickly if they didn’t do something to get their minds off it.

“I’m gonna go shower,” Gerard mumbled standing up, accidentally pushing his chair into the wall.  He was nervous that he would go back on his silent promise to himself, so as he moved around getting his things for the shower he refused to look at Frank.  Normally he’d only grab a pair of boxers and finish getting dressed in their room, but he wasn’t sure that was the best.  Instead he grabbed an entire outfit, put it in a bag and burst out into the hallway, all but slamming the door behind him.  It wasn’t like much had just happened, but his heart was pounding, and his breathing staggered.  This was going to be hard.  He was leaning against the door, when all of the sudden he felt it disappear behind him.  Frank wasn’t expecting Gerard to be there, and didn’t move in time.  Gerard’s body knocked them both to the ground, Frank’s knees jabbing Gerard in the spine.  

“Ouch.”  The boys groaned at the same time.  Gerard pushed himself to his feet, and turned to help Frank.  When he reached down to help, he was very aware of Frank’s  mouth.  It was in a perfect “oh” and with his lips separated like that, Gerard realized that Frank’s bottom wasn’t as thin as he had originally thought.  It wasn’t obnoxiously full, but it had that perfect plumpness to it that made Gerard want to capture it between his own teeth.  Leaning down, he didn’t grab Frank’s hand, instead he gripped Frank’s wrist, and Frank grabbed Gerard’s back.  Gerard’s grip was so tight he could feel Frank’s pulse, and was surprised by how rapid the blood was moving in his veins.  

“Why were you leaning against the door?”  Frank asked flustered.  He noticed that Gerard was holding on to his wrist a little too tight, but didn’t say anything.  His own grip was looser, it was starting to loosen further, but Gerard’s got tighter.  Frank didn’t know what was going on.  

“I was, I don’t know,” Gerard said his face warm.  He couldn’t possibly admit he need to take a minute to relax, and the closest to thing to lean on was their door, he didn’t actually mean to lean against it, it was just a natural response.  “Where were you going?” 

“I was going to see if Helena wanted to hang out.”  _ Liar,  _ Frank thought to himself,  _ you’re such a liar. _  They were still holding each other by the wrist when Bob and the girl from earlier passed their room.  Distantly they both heard Bob scoff before letting go.  “I wasn’t actually,” Frank admitted, “I was going to see if you were still in the hall.”

“What?  Why?”  Gerard looked into to Frank’s eyes.

“I’m not sure,” Frank said, “I guess I wanted to talk.  It’s nothing important though, you should shower.”  

“You saying I smell?”  Gerard teased, silently thinking the universe for giving him the opportunity to turn this awkward conversation into a borderline normal one.  Normal by his standards, that is.

“Awful,” Frank smirked, covering his nose with one hand and using the other to wave an invisible stench away.  Gerard smiled, the tension was gone just like that, and he was grateful for that.  

“Well I better go then, I don’t want the entire basement to smell because of me.”  Gerard headed to the bathroom for real this time, and once he was under the cold, pressureless water he found himself thinking about Frank’s lips.  

They were deceiving.  With his mouth closed in a straight line, they looked thin.  And his smile didn’t help rebuke that appearance much.  Not that it wasn’t a great smile, in fact it was larger than life.  It was an open mouth kind of smile, that showed off his top row of perfect teeth, at least the natural, real one did.  Frank’s fake smile was completely different, it was a tight lipped one that really didn’t look fake, but it was easy to tell once you had gotten used to the real one.  He rarely frowned, but wasn’t constantly smiling and that lip ring of his was an added bonus.  Gerard had noticed that all rather early on, what he hadn’t noticed before was that when Frank’s lips were parted they were actually more defined, and fuller than they appeared to be.  They kept that hidden, but once it was seen, Gerard was sure it couldn’t be unseen and it made him wonder what other secrets they were hiding.  Frank’s bottom lip was just begging to be taken between Gerard’s teeth.  Frank’s lips were extremely deceiving, yes, but they were such beautiful lips that Gerard wasn’t sure he’d be able to resist them.  For once Gerard was grateful for the cold water the horrible showers provided, it was exactly what he needed.

 

***

 

Laying on his bed Frank did something he hadn’t done in a while.  He pulled out his phone, and went straight to his text messages.  Underneath a generic conversation with his mother was his and Gerard’s texts, and under that was the group Pete had added them all in, beneath those were a few texts he had exchanged with Helena, but what he was going to look at was the one at the very bottom of the screen.  The one with the fake name, the one he hadn’t deleted even though he wanted nothing more than to forget about them.

Every text they had sent to one another was still there, and Frank really couldn’t explain why they were.  Reading them all over only made himself feel worse about the choices he had made.  He had let this guy, Mason, walk all over him and he had felt desperate enough to actually enjoy it.  It made his stomach churn in disgust, and he went to delete the history, he did, but an invisible force stopped him.  

“He used you,” Frank looked up in surprise to see Gerard standing by their door.  He hadn’t heard Gerard come back in the room.  “I get why you’d still look at those, but at some point deleting those will feel like the best climax of your life, only when you’re truly ready though.  Give it time.”  Frank sat up.

“I don’t get why I care,” he locked his phone and shoved it under his pillow.  They were making very little eye contact, but Frank watched as the water dripped from Gerard’s hair and onto his shoulders.  The long red strands looked darker when wet, and shone a little too.

“I wish I could say I understand,” Gerard said, “but I’m afraid I might be more like this guy than I am you.”  With that Gerard climbed back into his bed, suddenly feeling as if his eyes couldn’t stay open anymore.  

“What does that mean?”  Frank asked looking at Gerard who was staring at the ceiling above him.

“I think I might’ve been using my ex without meaning to.”  He had come to this conclusion a few days before he broke up with Lindsey, but he never admitted it out loud.  Now that he had, and to Frank, he was sure he had used her.  It was unintentional, but somehow that made it worse than what had happened to Frank.  “I didn’t realize it, but I’m really sure I did, not the whole time, just towards the end.”  Gerard wanted to turn to see Frank’s reaction, but he was afraid it would hurt to see.

“I doubt you used her,” Frank said trying to make Gerard feel better.  “It probably just feels that way, but that doesn’t…”

“I used her like he was using that girlfriend of his, only I didn’t mean to.”  Gerard interrupted.  “I hate that I did that to her.  I’m no better than your football player.”

“Mason,” Frank corrected, “please don’t call him my football player.  And listen it really sounds like you didn’t realize what you were doing, don’t beat yourself up too much.”  Gerard turned his head to look at Frank, he didn’t seem mad or disgusted, but Gerard felt like he should.

“It makes it worse,” Gerard muttered, “I couldn’t even see what I was doing…”

“Exactly, it wasn’t intentional, and you do feel bad about it, Mason doesn’t even though he did it on purpose.”  Frank watched Gerard’s eyes dart back and forth searching Frank’s face for any sign of resentment.  He didn’t feel any, at first he did, but now he could clearly see that Gerard really didn’t mean too.  “You can always apologize to her.  When you’re absolutely ready, and it will feel like the best climax of your life.”  Frank smirked throwing Gerard’s odd words back at him.  A tiny smile graced Gerard’s lips.

“Yeah, that was a stupid thing to say,” Gerard chuckled slightly covering his face with his arm.  “I couldn’t think of another good comparison.”

“Steamy shower?”  Frank teased.

“It was actually fucking freezing,” Gerard said even though it was probably for the best.  “All this money and I get a cold shower.”

Frank smiled, and Gerard couldn’t take his eyes off of Frank’s mouth.  It was such a stupid thing to be attracted to, Gerard thought, but he still couldn’t help that his eyes were locked on their target.  Those lips would be the death of him, that he was sure of.  He wondered if kissing someone with a lip ring would be hard, if the metal would get in the way, or if it would make things interesting.  

“What are you thinking about?”  Frank asked, he had caught Gerard’s eyes, and the way Gerard’s tongue had just made a path from one corner of his mouth to the other.  

“Nothing really,” Gerard dazedly looked up to meet Frank’s eyes.  He could see that Frank didn’t believe him, and on that note to avoid having to explain to Frank that he was wondering what his lip ring would feel like against his mouth, he turned to towards his wall.  Gerard did his best to try to fall back asleep, but just couldn’t manage it.  

“Are you trying to sleep to ignore my question?”  Frank asked after what felt like an hour, but was only actually a few minutes.  Gerard stayed completely still hoping he could pull off pretending to be asleep, forcing his breathing to seem as though it was completely relaxed.  He heard Frank chuckle from the other side of the room.  “How old are you?  Five?”  Gerard didn’t respond, not even when he heard Frank’s mattress creak.  He was curious as to what Frank was doing, but didn’t want to give himself away.  

There was complete silence in the room, but Gerard could feel how close Frank had gotten to him.  It was a game of chicken, and Gerard wasn’t about to lose.  The sound of his dresser moving against the floor almost made him jump in surprise, but he knew that the shift of the mattress was coming before it happened.  He laid completely still as Frank maneuvered so he wasn’t sitting on Gerard, but rather at the end of the bed by his feet.

“It’s funny,” Frank said once he was settled, “I use to think about Mason’s lips all the time.  It was weird, but I would always find my mind wandering there.”

Gerard kept his eyes closed, but couldn’t stop the flush of heat that went right to his face.  There was hardly any light in the room so he doubted that Frank would notice.

“That’s when I started to realize I liked him,” Frank sighed, “they weren’t even good lips.  I wasn’t thinking about them like I wanted them on my own, I thought of them as if they weren’t good enough.  It was so weird, I’m not sure how that made me develop feeling for the guy, but it did.  It seems dumb, because it is dumb, I mean does anyone have nice lips?”

It was bait, and Gerard knew it, but despite his promise he couldn’t not answer Frank’s question.  “You do.”  Gerard lifted one of his eyelids to see Frank was already looking at him.  There was a tiny smirk on Frank’s lips, and it only confirmed Gerard’s earlier thoughts.  Once the reality of Frank’s lips were seen, it was impossible to unsee.  

“Really?”  Frank asked.

“Yes,” Gerard closed his eye again.  “You’re not clever, and I’m not dumb; I know you caught me staring at them.” 

“Do you think about them a lot?”  Frank asked.  His heart was pounding in his chest with such intensity that it hurt, it had been ever since Gerard had come back into the room.  Earlier he had wanted to kiss Gerard, but the stupid fire alarm went off and ruined the moment.  

“Not really, just this morning.”  Gerard admitted feeling a little sleepy.  A half yawn escaped him.  “I mostly think of your hands, if I think about a specific body part.  They’re what make you an artist by allowing you to make music.”  

Frank wasn’t expecting Gerard to say that, he hadn’t really expected Gerard to respond so seriously.  In fact he was hoping Gerard would’ve responded with a joking ‘yes,’ but this was so much better.  He’d rather have Gerard think of his hands for such a beautiful reason rather than his lips out of pure desire.  That pedestal just kept getting higher, and higher, soon Gerard would be above the clouds with only a harsh fall waiting for him.

“I’ve got to tell you something,” Gerard whispered, “I promised myself to stay away from you.  I don’t want to hurt you, that’s all I do is hurt people.”  

“And I only ever let people down,” Frank answered.  Even though Frank wanted to finally kiss Gerard he didn’t.  Instead he waited for Gerard to fall back to sleep before leaving the room.  As  he made his way out of the building he pulled out his phone, those messages were taunting him, but he wasn’t ready yet.  He had to be ready.  Instead he called his mom.

“Frank, I’m so glad you called!”  She chirped despite it only being eight in the morning.

“Hi mom, how are things?”  There wasn’t much excitement in Frank’s but he was extremely happy to be on the phone with her.  It was the first time he had called home, he knew in his mom’s eyes that he was reaching out.  

“Alright, but I really don’t want to talk about me.  Tell me about school.”  She was trying to make things seem better than they were, Frank knew that, and he knew she was doing so in hopes of avoiding hurting Frank.  The process of divorce was inconvenient and painful in any given situation, but his mom knew Frank was blaming himself for it.  It didn’t help any that it was around the same time college started, as if college wasn’t enough of a financial burden alone.  

“It’s going good,” Frank answered.  “Psychology is hard, but this girl in my lecture is helping me out.  She gets along with my friends and I.”  

“Your friends,” his mother hummed, “tell me about them.”  Frank knew exactly why she was so interested in his friends.  In high school he never talked to her about friends, he didn’t have any.  She was worried going so far away would make things harder, but it had only made things easier.

“What do you want to know?”  The pack of cigarettes in his pocket reminded him which direction to walk in.  He was going to the place he and Gerard had found, they hadn’t been back together, but Frank was constantly sneaking out at night to inhale the nicotine he desired.  Sometimes he didn’t even smoke once he got there, he just sat under that gangly tree trying to spot stars between the leaves.  Soon the task wouldn’t be too hard with fall just around the corner, all that would be in the way was naked branches, and there wasn’t much of a challenge in that.

“What are their names?”  She asked, there was a kind of excitement in her tone that made Frank wonder if she wished she had had more kids than just him, if he wasn’t the kind of kid she wanted.  In high school he avoided socializing and he was never into any sports or things that would let him gain friendships and popularity.  Part of him knew he missed out on an actual high school experience, but now he was wondering if his mother missed out too.  The only friend he ever had was his grandfather, so his mother never got to throw birthday parties, or commingled with other parents.  Never did he see it like that before, but now that he did he was ashamed. 

“Well,” he said clearing his throat and his thoughts, “there’s Gerard, Pete, Patrick, Brendon, and Helena.”  

“Wow,” she tried to hold back her surprise, but Frank could still hear it and didn’t blame her.  “And Gerard, he’s your roommate right?”  

“Yeah, he introduced me to the other guys.  Helena is that girl from my Psych lecture.”  It was weird to talk about them, he wasn’t sure  _ how _ to talk about them.  

“And what’s he like?”  

Frank blushed.  How could he possibly describe Gerard?  The first thing that came to mind was:  _ nearly perfect even though perfect doesn’t exist _ .  Instead of answering her question, though, that would most definitely only make her think of more.  And he knew he couldn’t describe him as a sassy redhead, with confusingly beautiful eyes, and lips that speak volumes even when there’s no words coming out of them with hands that were surprising rough for an artist.  There was no way to describe his singing voice that could ever possibly do it justice, or how incredibly talented he was when it came to his visual art.  His kindness was unexplainable, there was so much kindness in Gerard, and there was his fierce loyalty best seen when he talked about his brother.  Frank wanted to tell her that Gerard cared so much for the people he loved that Frank, himself, wished that Gerard loved him so someone would care for him that much.  But Frank also wanted to tell her how worried he got for Gerard sometimes, the way he receded into himself so suddenly and so intensely, was frightening.  

“He’s really nice,” Frank said falling short of the words Gerard really, truly deserved.  “We get along great.”  

“Oh honey, that’s great.”  She sighed, he had known she was worried that having a roommate would go very bad, but that was one thing she was extremely wrong about.  “I’m so happy to hear that, I hope I get to meet him someday.” 

“Yeah, I hope you do too,” Frank smiled.  Gerard and his mom would get along great, he had decided so a few days ago.  There was no denying it.  “I think you’d really like him.”  

“Shit,” he was surprised to hear his mother swear, she didn’t do so very often, “I’m sorry honey I really want to keep talking, but my lawyers calling.  Talk to you later?”

“Yeah, love you.”

“Love you too, bye.”  With that his first phone call with his mom since he had gone away was over.  It was weird, and not at all what he had been anticipating.  Although he didn’t have much of a desire to smoke once he got to his spot he pulled a cigarette out and did because there were no stars to look for.   


	11. Bonus Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to add another bonus chapter, and this one goes with last chapter so I thought I'd add it now. The chapter after this will continue on with the story.
> 
> ~TwentySixNine

_ Don’t you miss me?  I miss you. _  Frank read the text again, before taking another sip from the bottle.  The clear liquid burned as it made it’s way down his throat, and the residue rested in his chest but it still hurt less than Mason’s rejection.  He really didn’t want to go to school, but if he didn’t his father would find out and there would be absolute hell to pay.  

Although he didn’t really find it funny he felt himself laugh at the thought.  If there would be hell to pay if he missed school, Frank really couldn’t imagine what would happen if his father found out about Mason, or Jonathan, or Ethan.  It would be a shit show.  Frank laughed again dousing the fire in his chest with even more alcohol, it was definitely making him feel a little something but he didn’t care. 

_ If you really care about me, you’ll meet me at our spot.   _ This one came through with the stench of desperation.  Mason was really trying this time, but he wasn’t making the effort Frank needed him too.  “Don’t cry,” Frank whispered, “don’t be a little bitch.  Don’t cry.”  He hissed as tears slipped from his eyes, they stung as the salt water dripped into his pores.  It was official he felt ridiculous and pathetic, and he knew exactly who to blame.  He had to leave for school soon, if he didn’t he would be sent to morning detention for being late, there was no way he could let that happen.  

_ Don’t you love me? _  “No,” Frank growled, “no I fucking don’t.  I never said that you prick, get over yourself.”  There wasn’t much else Frank could do but get off his bedroom floor, stop crying, and dispose of the nearly bottle he was clinging to.  With a heavy inhale Frank picked himself up off the floor, the world wasn’t exactly still, but he dealt with it like he dealt with everything else, by pretending not to notice how much it really affected him.  He was starting to realize that being numb, or at least pretending to be, makes getting through high school easier, if only he had learned that sooner. 

_ Frank?   _ “Leave me alone,” Frank whined shoving his phone into the pocket of his wrinkled dress pants.  He hated them, they felt like they were made of starch and were as boring as everyone else’s.  “What do I have to do to get you to leave me alone?  Come out?  I bet if I did that, you wouldn’t even look at me.”  Suddenly Frank was struck with an idea, one he had no intentions of carrying out.  If he came out Mason wouldn’t look at him, he wouldn’t dare, that would be too much of a risk.  Somewhere within his body this thought and the alcohol he had consumed met up and started to talk.  Neither cared what Frank’s opinion on the matter was, as they made plans to sabotage Frank’s life.  A burp bubbled up in the back of his throat but he didn’t let it loose.  Instead he let it erupt where it was earning himself just a little more pain to add to what he was already suffering through.  

As he left his room he grabbed his backpack, and his car keys.  The keys weighed heavily in his hand as they told him not to use them, but he kinda hoped that what they were afraid of happening, would actually happen.  Not death necessarily, but a long hospital visit that would keep him from having to attend school for the rest of the year.  He stumbled down his stairs and too his car, it was perfect, no scratches, not dents, nothing.  Sure he was careless and a little destructive but the car was part of his freedom, and there was no way he would ruin that.  He needed all the freedom he could get. 

Frank wasn’t sure how, but he had pulled into the school parking lot before he knew it, he couldn’t even remember starting the car.  What he was aware of though, was how many times Mason had texted him, each time his phone went off he counted.  It went off twenty times so it wasn’t a surprise that Mason was tapping on Frank’s car window as soon as he pulled the keys out of the ignition.  Frank looked at Mason with tired eyes, seeing Mason made him feel even more intoxicated and exhausted than he already was.  Frank shook his head, his dyed black fringe moving with each shake before he rested it on his steering wheel.  A ray of sunlight started to warm the side of his face so he knew Mason was gone, but he hit the lock button just in case.  The sound of the passenger side door handle being yanked made him grateful his drunkenness didn’t take away his ability to lock his door.  

“Come one open the door,” Mason said tapping the window with his knuckles, it sounded for second like he cared, but that didn’t last long, “someone might see me.”  Frank didn’t lift his head, as his heart shattered to pieces.  He was always doing that to himself, trying to justify and uncover a hidden meaning to Mason’s words and actions.  It only made him hurt more, this time it hurt the most though.  

“Go away,” Frank yelled.

“Come on,” Mason said rushed, “I know exactly how to make you feel better.”  

“Go away.”  

“What do you want from me Frank?”  Mason was irritated, but Frank didn’t care.  “I told you what I wanted, you agreed, you can’t blame this on me.”  Frank turned his head, instantly Mason’s pale blue eyes connected with Frank’s.  Gingerly Frank’s pointer finger pressed the unlock button.  As soon as Mason was sat in the passenger seat he was tugging at his own tie, loosening it.

“We’re not having sex,” Frank said, but Mason only scoffed.  Frank didn’t blame for it, the last few weeks had been this song and dance, and each time ended with Mason getting what he wanted.  This time the alcohol wouldn’t let that happen, it was ready to protect Frank from himself.

“Okay I’ll humor you,” Mason said, “tell what it is today.  You on your period?”  His hand made its way across the center console of the car and landed on Frank’s inner thigh.  The reaction Mason was used to didn’t come, instead Frank shoved it off.

“I’m done, Mason, I’m done and I mean it.”  He wasn’t sure how Mason didn’t smell the alcohol on his breath, or the way his eyes weren’t really focusing.  Frank felt like it was quite obvious that he was drunk, but Mason didn’t notice, he doubted anyone would.  Nobody at the school cared enough about Frank to notice any changes he was going through.  “I can’t keep doing this, it’s killing me.  If you’re a decent human being you’ll let me go.”  Mason stopped fidgeting with his clothing and looked at Frank.  For a moment it seemed like Mason was finally understanding Frank.

“We really don’t have time for foreplay or whatever the fuck this is.”  Mason sighed his hands immediately going to his pants.

“Fuck off,” Frank snarled, “this isn’t foreplay you moron.  I’m saying I can’t do this anymore.  You know how I feel about you, and yet instead of trying to let me get over you, you fuck with my head.  I want to hate you, let me hate you.”  Frank couldn’t believe it, what he had just said pulled a deep moan from Mason’s throat.

“This is hot,” Mason said through half drawn eyelids, “we can make time for this.”  He was slipping off his pants which Frank could clearly see had gotten tighter in the crotch.  That was usually when Frank lost, but not today.

“You know what,” Frank said opening his door, “enjoy jerking yourself off in my car, just try not to get anything on my seats.”  With that he climbed out of his car, and slammed the door.  No part of him even wanted to look back and see what Mason had done, he didn’t care.  He stormed into the building as he held on to his anger.  The entire day nobody seemed to notice Frank’s intoxicated state, but he could feel himself sober up as the day passed.  By midday he was still slightly tipsy.  

As he made his way into the cafeteria the first set of eyes he saw were those blue ones he wished he’d never have to see again.  Mason stared blankly at Frank, only tearing him apart even more.  In in his inner wounds sat was what was left of his liquid courage.  It stung, and egged him on.  His anger was in there somewhere too telling him if he exploded now people might notice, that they might acknowledge him and his pain.  As all of those buzzed within his body the sounds of the cafeteria buzzed around his head. “I’m gay,” Frank whispered under his breath as he came to a stop in the middle of the cafeteria.  People bumped him as they passed, none of the looks they gave him were appealing.  That’s how it always was.  Nobody heard him, and he tried to ration with himself not to do it, not to make those looks worse for himself, but his hurt, and his anger, and the alcohol didn’t care about any of that.  “I, Frank Iero, the school’s number one loser, am gay!”  He shouted bringing the room to a silence.  He was sure some people heard the message in full even if some didn’t.  It was a surprising relief to have everyone stare at him, because they were really staring at  _ him _ .  For once they were seeing the truth in the open, and it felt liberating.  

Well it felt liberating for a moment.  But then the stares started to bore into him, and they became intrusive.  He wasn’t sure what the wicked trio within himself had been expected, perhaps a round of applause, but they were wholly disappointed by the complete and utter silence and stillness of the people around him.  Instead of letting it show Frank turned and left the cafeteria without looking back.  The silence followed him down the hall and into the bathroom where he leaned over an empty sink.  Throwing on the tap he let the freezing water run before cupping some of it in his hands. A deep breath in, a pause as he splashed his face, and then an exhale that sent water droplets flying from around his nose and mouth.  When he looked up at the mirror above the sink he wasn’t sure what he was looking at.

“Are you happy?”  The words slipped off his tongue without meaning to.  And the shake of his head as the answer wasn’t thought out either.  “Well, you will be.  One day you’ll be happy, I’ll make sure of it.”  He turned pointed to his reflection and it pointed back.  It was a promise they had made to each other, one he couldn’t possibly let either of them break.  

 

***

 

_ What you did was stupid. _  “I know,” Frank said as he waited for his father’s inevitable return.  His mother was downstairs in their kitchen, pacing.  He had left his room and made it about halfway down the steps when he had heard her.  She was on the phone with his father, they knew.  Now alone in his room again, he wondered if somehow it would all work out for the best.  Him and his father were never that close, but that didn’t mean he wanted what little relationship they had to be demolished by something as trivial as his sexuality.  Being gay didn’t change anything for Frank, he was still him, just more so open about it than he was before, but he wasn’t so sure his father would see it that way.  He never saw sexuality as a defining term, he saw it as another box society tried to put him in, even though all he wanted to do was roam the entire world rather than the little world’s inside the little boxes he was forced into.  

“Frank Anthony Iero Jr. come here!”  He was home.  Before doing as he was told he checked his phone one last time.  A new text waited for him.   _ You better keep my secret, or I’ll make good on my promise. _  Tossing the device on his bed, Frank left the safety of his room.

“Please don’t Frank,” Frank heard his mother say to his father.  “Leave him alone, he’s our son.”

“Frank!”  His father called out, this time his voice reeked of irritation.  Prolonging this would only make it worse, and that was the last thing anyone wanted.  As he made his way down the steps he began to wonder what his father would possibly do.  Kick him out?  Get physical?  It was impossible to tell.  “How could you do this to our family?”  Frank’s father questioned just as Frank was in his line of vision.

“It’s not like I chose to be gay,” Frank said shrugging his shoulders.  “Love is love.”  

“Are you trying to be funny?”  Frank shook his head to answer his father’s question.  He wasn’t trying to be funny, but his defensive side always took control when confrontation came into play and it made him develop a particular attitude of passiveness.

“Frank,” Frank’s mother said, “you’re friends with Thompsons and you never once said a thing about their relationship…”

“That’s different Linda.”  It was clear to Frank what his father was saying, but he could see him mom didn’t quite understand.

“They’re girls mom,” Frank spoke up, “and they’re not part of the Iero family.  I’m a boy, and part of the Iero family, I’m a disgrace.  Or so dad thinks.”

“Watch it,” Frank’s father pointed his finger at him, but it only made Frank crack a smile.  A finger was far from threatening.  “What, what do you find so amusing?”

“Nothing.”

“What would your grandfather think?”  Frank watched as his dad’s eyes searched his face for the reaction he was hoping to get, but it never came.

“Grandpa knew,” Frank told his dad, “I told him before he passed away.  You know what he said?”  Frank’s dad didn’t answer, so Frank went on.  “He said  _ I still love you, and I know things won’t be easy for you because of this, but I’ll watch over you when I’m gone to make sure you find happiness. _  I bet he’d be disappointed in the way you’re reacting, I’m glad he’s not around to see it, it would’ve broken his heart.”  

“Get out,” his father took a step closer, “get out of my fucking house.”

“Frank!”  His mom shouted shocked.

“Go!” 

“No,” she stepped forward, “no if anyone is leaving this house it’s you, not our son.”  His father looked between the both of them, waiting for Frank to leave, instead Frank went back to his room.  The house fell into silence which got interrupted by the slam of the front door.  Frank was expecting his mom to come upstairs to check in on him, but she never did.  Hours passed before Frank decided he needed some air, so he got up off his bedroom floor and climbed out onto the roof of his house.  There were no clouds in the sky, as the stars reflected down on him.  Despite how awful the day had went, Frank felt like a huge part of him was finally free.   


	12. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, so this chapter is a little short, and a bit different from the past chapters.
> 
> ~TwentySixNine

The weekend had passed far too quickly, even with the extra day, and the sound of the alarm going off meant so much more than it usually did.  For the first time in his life, Mikey would be braving his first day of school alone, and it made his stomach twist anxiously.  Nothing about the day would be the same, which scared Mikey.  The differences already started.  For one his alarm was the only thing that woke him up, usually Gerard was at the door with two mugs filled to the brim with coffee, his hair still damp from the shower he got up early to take.  Mikey wanted to say the only thing he missed was the coffee, but in reality he missed Gerard being there for him.  First days always made Mikey anxious.

With trembling fingers Mikey reached for his phone, the irritating sound growing louder the closer he brought his phone to his face.  He had slept through it for five minutes, there was no hitting snooze, it was time to deal with this, even though it was the last thing he wanted to do.  Finally hitting stop, he noticed a text from Gerard.

_ Gerard Way: Good luck today!  _

Next to the words were three mug emoji’s, even though he wasn’t there Gerard still did his best to get Mikey the coffee he needed to start the day.  It made him feel guilty for how he had treated Gerard on Sunday.  In the moment he hadn’t realized that Gerard would worry about him after seeing how many times he tried to contact him, but he realized it once they hung up.  Mikey was so embarrassed by it that he didn’t talk to Gerard after that.  But, like always, Gerard was still there for him making amends even if it wasn’t his job. 

Mikey sent back  _ Thanks Gee _ .  That’s all it would take to resolve whatever tension there was between them.  He wasn’t sure if Gerard did it because he was ready, or if it was because he knew Mikey would need it him for the first day of school.  Either way Mikey was glad.

_ Gerard Way: You still thinking about graduating early? _

Mikey had thought about it a lot, so much so that it was almost as much as he talked to Pete.  The only problem was that he hadn’t talked to anyone about it except Gerard, but Gerard couldn’t help him with it.  It was probably already too late for him to graduate this year, even though high school seemed pointless to him.  The friends he had already graduated, and the courses were all just way too easy for him.  High school was a joke, and he knew it.

_ I think it’s too late. _  He texted back pushing away his comforter.   

_ Gerard Way: You’re smart, just talk to the guidance councilor and mom, I’m sure they can work it out. _

Mikey looked at the text, Gerard’s encouragement only proved how useless high school was.   _ I’ll see. _

 

***

 

When Mikey got on the bus he was surprised to see that there were two other people on the bus, for as long as he could remember he was the first one to get picked up.  But what was even more shocking was how loud they were, it almost seemed like the bus was at max capacity.  

“Good morning,” the bus driver, Maggie, who had been driving Mikey since middle school said.  Only she didn’t sound as lively as she usually did, she sounded completely irritated.  Mikey felt bad for her.

“Morning,” Mikey mumbled.  The guys on the bus were in the middle, and Mikey had to pass them to get to his usual seat in the very back.  A sudden silence overcame the bus once Mikey was seated, his backpack on the seat next to him to make it clear he didn’t want anyone to sit with him as he stared out the window.  Just in case they didn’t get the message he pulled out his phone ready to blast his music in his ears, but before he had put that safety blanket on the pair moved by him.

“Hey, cool shirt.”  One of them said, Mikey looked at him skeptically.  He wore a red beanie that would be confiscated as soon as he set foot on campus, and his friend’s hair was the brightest purple Mikey had ever seen on a guy.  They seemed like an odd pair.

“Thanks,” Mikey said, he wasn’t sure what these two wanted, but he knew that he’d be happy if they went away.

“I’m Tyler,” the one in the beanie said, “and this is Josh.  You’re Mikey right?”  Even though the fact that these two knew his name freaked Mikey out, he didn’t show it.  Instead he stoically set his face, in doing so he could almost hear his brother’s laugh and light teasing about how predictable Mikey could be.  

“Yeah.”  Mikey didn’t ask how they knew, he didn’t want to show any kind of interest in these two.  Nor did he want them to know that he didn’t expect anyone to know who he was.

“We saw your band play over the summer,” Tyler said trying to clarify.

“We didn’t put on any gigs,” Mikey mumbled, they never got to show their music because they didn’t have a drummer.  For the time being My Chemical Romance was nothing more than an idea with a broken singer, an exhausted bassist, and a constantly worried guitarist.  There was no one to keep a beat, and the rhythm was okay, but without it’s lost without someone to guide it properly.  But Mikey had to admit they sounded pretty good despite those details.

“We live down the street and heard you guys playing,” Josh clarified.  Tyler nodded his head a tiny smile playing on his lips.  “Your mom came to our house to welcome us to the neighborhood and she mentioned you.”

“You’re brothers?”  Mikey asked, unable to tell. They looked nothing alike, but the way they were talking made it seem like they lived together.  People were always saying that he and Gerard looked nothing alike except for when they made the rare similar facial expression while side by side.  Ray always found it creepy that one minute they could look like two totally different people and the next it would look as if they were a before and after photo of someone who had their hair styled differently.  Gerard loved it, he said it was their unplanned party trick.

Tyler and Josh shared a look before they both sighing.  “Kinda, legally?  Yes.”  Josh said.

“Biologically?  No.  Emotionally?”  Tyler looked at Josh who shrugged.  

“Yeah, in the way best friends are.”  Mikey pursed his lips and nodded his head like he completely understood what they were talking about, when in reality none of it made sense to him.  He didn’t want to cross any boundaries, and he didn’t want it to actually seem like he was interested in making friends with them.  

“Your mom was saying you plass bass,” Josh said changing the topic, not that Mikey minded.  “Tyler and I are in a two man band, it was cool finding out that just down the street there’s another band.”

“We’d ask you to join us for practice,” Tyler said with a faux apologetic tone that was meant to be humorous, “but it’s an exclusive gang.” 

“I thought it was a band,” Mikey said bored, as he felt his phone vibrate in his pocket.  He shifted so he could grab it from the pocket of his excessively tight black jeans, he was hoping to see a certain name on screen, but instead he saw a title:  _ Mom: Have a great day, sorry I couldn’t be there this morning to see you off.  Hope you got the coffee I left for you. _

_ I did, thank you.   _ When he looked back up Tyler and Josh were in the midst of a game of rock, paper, scissors.  Mikey wasn’t sure what he missed, but took the opportunity to plug his earphones into his phone, but didn’t get the chance to slip them into his ears and start the music.

“It’s both,” Tyler smiled, “we’re just so cool we have a band that is a gang.”  Josh was on the verge of laughing as Tyler let a tiny giggle slip out.  Mikey looked at them carefully wondering if they were on something, but he really couldn’t tell.

“Are you high?”  Mikey asked unable to keep his curiosity to himself.

“No,” Josh said shaking his head his purple locks hardly moving. 

“Drugs are bad,” Tyler said, a small smile on his face a squeak of laughter emerging.  Mikey wasn’t exactly convinced, but he had to admit they were relatively normal for someone who was under the influence of any chemical substances.  

“We’re just a little weird,” Josh said.  Yeah, Mikey thought, that’s obvious.  Somewhere deep within Mikey he was curious about these two and was slowly letting his guard down.  

The rest of the bus ride Mikey sat quietly listening to Tyler and Josh banter, only speaking up when he was asked for input or the timing seemed right.  He noticed they had an interesting dynamic, it really did seem like they were brothers by teasing each other constantly.  It had a familiar feeling to how he and Gerard were, but at the same time they were different than that in some small ways somehow. 

 

***

 

Walking into the cafeteria Mikey looked over the commotion.  There were a lot of people, and none of them were who Mikey wanted to sit with.  He wished, now more than ever, that Gerard and Ray hadn’t graduated so lunch wouldn’t be so awful.  Mikey looked over at the far corner, and was surprised to see that their usual table was abandoned, people somehow knew to avoid it even without Gerard and Ray sitting the period actually began.  

Avoiding people as best he could Mikey made his way to the corner and set down the stuff he was carrying.  He was about to get in line to get food when phone began to ring.  A smile came to his face when he heard the ringtone.  

_ King Pete  _ flashed across the screen, a picture of Pete pulling some stupid face that always made Mikey smile, right underneath it.  Sitting down Mikey answered the phone call.

“Hey there Baby Boy,” Pete’s voice came through the line that connected their conversation the sound releasing some tension in Mikey’s shoulders.

“Hey,” Mikey said breathlessly, the excitement making his heart pound ferociously in his chest.  It was always like that, whenever he and Pete got to talk it always felt like an exciting new adventure.

“How is school going?”  

“Fine,” Mikey said not wanting to talk about how all day things just didn’t feel right, and how every time he rounded he had to remind himself that he wouldn’t see either of the two friends he had.  They were no longer in school with him.

“Where are you right now?”  Pete asked hearing the noise in the background.

“The cafeteria, can we not talk about school?”  

“What do you want to talk about?”

“Anything, but high school,” Mikey told Pete honestly.

“Alright,” Pete said, “let’s talk about how much I miss you.”  

Mikey smiled his face warming up a little.  Somehow Pete knew exactly when to say what Mikey needed to hear.  “I miss you a lot too,” Mikey whispered only because he couldn’t get any louder.

“I miss you more,” Pete challenged.

“Definitely not possible King Pete.”  Mikey threw in his nickname and he could hear Pete chuckle a little.

“I think about you all the time.”

“I dream about you every night.”  Mikey shot back.

“I’m intrigued by that,” Pete said the smile was clearly in his voice, “what happens in these dreams?”  Mikey knew exactly what Pete was implying and prompting him to say, but Mikey wasn’t going to lie.

“It’s usually the same thing,” Mikey said, “it’s different each night, but the idea is the same.”

“Tell me more,” Pete said.

“We’re alone for the first time,” Mikey says, “really alone.  It’s just you and I, nobody else exists, but us.  We have the opportunity to do anything, and everything.  So we find a street that has the perfect view of the sky, and we lay down and watch the way it changes the entire day.  Our hands intertwined, our hearts beating together in perfect unison, our breathing working together.  You inhale, I exhale, I inhale, you exhale it’s the perfect rhythm.  And when we get bored of seeing the day progress we walk around the abandoned earth stealing kisses, and never once letting our hands drop.  It’s perfect.”

“You’re right,” Pete whispered, “it wasn’t what I was expecting you to say, but it  _ is _ perfect.”

“Can I ask you something,” Mikey said looking up from the table, he could see Tyler and Josh carrying their trays to a table across the room.  He turned hoping to avoid them seeing him.  

“Yes,” Pete said.

“Why didn’t you...how come over the summer you never kissed me?”  Mikey asked, it was a question he thought about all the time.  He never told Pete that he hadn’t been kissed before, and he didn’t plan to until after they kissed, because knowing Pete he would get too anxious about their first kiss.  Not many people knew it, but Pete was incredibly thoughtful.

“It didn’t feel right,” Pete said, “we were never official over the summer, technically we’re still not, and I wanted things to be with you before we kissed.”  Mikey smiled.

“Can we do something about that?”

“About what?”  Pete asked.

“The official thing.”  

“Are you asking me to be your boyfriend Mikey Way?”  Pete was smiling now too, miles away on his dorm room bed.  

“Yes I am Pete Wentz,” Mikey smirked.

“Well in that case,” Pete said, “yes, I’d love to be your boyfriend.”  For the first time that day Mikey felt actual happiness.  He didn’t expect to be the one to ask, but it didn’t matter, Pete was his, and he was Pete’s.  It was official.

“Don’t tell Gee,” Mikey said, “I want to tell him.”  

“Of course, Baby Boy,” Pete said, “I gotta go I have class in ten minutes.  I’ll talk to you later.”

“Can’t wait.”  Mikey waited for Pete to the end the call, before finally getting his lunch.  When he got back to his table Tyler and Josh were sitting there.  

“Hey,” Josh greeted.  

“We didn’t have anywhere to sit,” Tyler said, “but we saw that you were on the phone so we waited because we didn’t want to interrupt.” 

“We can leave if you want us to,” Josh said.  Mikey was too happy to ask them to go away, instead he just shrugged his shoulders.  It didn’t matter to him where they sat, but he noticed that they were growing on him really quickly especially after that phone call he just had.  He even talked when it didn’t seem like it was necessary for him to.

 

***

 

Gerard was getting out of his last class for the day when he noticed a phone call from Mikey coming through.

“Hey, how was school?”  Gerard asked.

“Unimportant,” Mikey said, Gerard could hear the excitement in his brother’s voice.  “Pete and I are officially dating, I asked him to be my boyfriend today.”

“Really?”  Gerard asked surprised that his quiet brother asked such an outgoing guy to be his boyfriend.  “That’s great, I’m happy for you Mikey.”  

“Listen,” Mikey said, “I’m happy Gerard, I really am.  It’s your turn now.”  Mikey said knowing his brother felt guilty for being happy when Mikey wasn’t but now he didn’t have to be.  

“I am happy,” Gerard said.

“Really happy Gee,” Mikey said, “not that bullshit happiness that you say you get from me being happy.  I mean you creating your own happiness.  You deserve it.”  Gerard didn’t know how to respond to that, he didn’t know what his brother wanted to hear.    

“I-I gotta go Mikey,” Gerard said flustered, and he hung up before Mikey could respond.  Gerard didn’t know what could possibly make him happy the way Mikey wanted him to be.

“Hey Gerard,” he turned recognizing the voice that called out to him.  It was Frank.


	13. Chapter 11

“So,” Helena said looking up from her text book, “when do I get to meet the final member of your friend group?”  Gerard looked over at Helena with wild eyes, Frank who was sitting on the bed next to her shook his head pretty vigorously.

“You don’t want that,” Frank said closing his Psychology book.  It wasn’t like he was reading it anyway, he just had it out so Helena would think he was actually studying instead of just sulking about how much he hated the class.  He was happy she was such a proactive student because while she was studying whatever it was she was studying, Frank and Gerard were playing eye tag.  It was cheesy, but they couldn’t help it.

“Come on guys, he really can’t be that bad,” Helena reasoned closing her book.  “It’s been a few days, like almost a week, since I met Pete and Patrick.  I’m so curious about this Brendon guy.”  

“He really isn’t a bad guy,” Gerard said dropping his pencil on his drawing of Helena and Frank sitting on the bed.  He turned his entire chair to face them.  “Brendon is great, super nice, just a little eccentric.  You just seem so quiet, we’re worried he might scare you off.”             

“I have two things to address about that,” Helena said shifting a little.  There was grin on her face, she hardly ever frowned when she was alone with Frank and Gerard.  It was weird how quickly they had become friends, but she had noticed that college was the best way to make close friendships rather rapidly.  It was oddly dangerous, but beautiful in a way.  “The first one is kind of a question, do you guys think you’re my parents?”

“No,” Frank deadpanned.

“That’s so funny,” Gerard said speaking over Frank with a lilt of laughter, “I asked Frank if he adopted you without telling me.  We kinda adopted this girl named Bandit, we make great father’s if you’re interested.”  Helena shook her head and shot Frank a questioning look.  She thought it was sly, but Gerard caught it, to be nice though he didn’t question it.

“That’s really interesting, and we’ll get back to that,” Helena said holding back the giddiness she felt.  “But first I just have to say that you guys don’t have to worry about me.  I’m quiet, yeah, but that’s just how I am.  My friend group back home is a lot like you guys, they’re loud and just happy to be with each other.  It’s real friendship.  Give it time and I’ll be a little louder, it’s just that I need to get a little more comfortable around all of you guys, and that includes Brendon.  So don’t treat me like I’m your daughter you have to protect from the crazies of the world, treat me like a friend.”

“I protect my friends,” Frank said finding the words easy even though he never had a friend before.

“Awe that’s sweet,” Helena said earnestly, “but you don’t have to protect me from the guys, they seem great.  Promise me you’ll relax about this.”

“Promise,” the guys answered in unison.  She smiled and nodded her head firmly, happy her guard dogs were getting ready to back down.

“Good, now, Bandit was it?”  A tiny smirk popped onto Helena’s lips as she made herself even more comfortable on Frank’s bed.  She looked over at Frank who kept his face devoid of emotion.  

“Her grandfather owns the record store in town,” Frank said, “she had us perform for her, and asked us to adopt her.”

“So naturally we said yes,” Gerard said, a charming smile forming on his lips.  It wasn’t an exciting story, but it seemed to make Helena happy.

“That’s cute,” Helena smiled, “and what was this performance?”  

“Me on vocals, Frank on rhythm guitar,” Gerard answered.  

“Wait, what?”  Helena asked shocked, she didn’t know that they were musically inclined.  But apparently they were so musically inclined that a girl asked them to be her dads.  “Wait, why would she ask you both to be her dad?”

“Oh,” Gerard said, “she thinks we’re a couple.”  He shrugged his shoulders, but Frank was surprised by the news.  It was the first time he had heard of this, and it was strange how casually it came out of Gerard’s mouth like it was a known fact.  

“She does?”  Frank asked sticking his chin forward and tilting his head to the side.  Gerard chuckled a little seeing Frank’s reaction, it was cute, his eyes adorably wide.

“Yeah, she told me she thought we were a cute couple,” Gerard answered nodding his head.

“What did you say?”  Frank asked, he was starting to remind Gerard of a teenage girl.  

“I thanked her,” Gerard bit his lip to keep from smiling as much as he wanted to.

“You two would make a cute couple,” Helena chimed in, “and on that note I have to go do something productive in my room.  I’ll see you guys later for dinner.”  Helena gathered her things sending a wink in Frank’s direction.  An almost invisible blush came to his cheeks, he was sure nobody could see it because it was so minor, but he felt it.

“Tonight’s the night you meet Brendon then,” Gerard said as she passed him on her way out.  She gave two thumbs up and a giant smile as she left, as she pulled the door closed she was aware that she was already disregarded.  Once the door was closed all the way she couldn’t help but close her eyes and think  _ hey universe please help them, they deserve it _ .

“So,” Frank said exhaling a little, “we’re a cute couple.”  He made his way off the bed, and Gerard got off his chair.  They stood in the middle of the room, which suddenly felt smaller than it was.

“That’s what I’ve been told,” Gerard answered smiling a little.  A tiny voice in the back of his head reminded him of that promise he had made, but he pushed it away as Mikey’s text from Tuesday told him that he deserved real happiness.  For once, looking into Frank’s smiling eyes, he felt like he believed that.   

“What’s your verdict on the matter?”  Frank asked crossing his arms over his chest a bit, his tongue swept across his lips instantly stealing Gerard’s attention from those beautiful hazel eyes.  He wasn’t sure which was more addictive, those eyes that got to be a light brown in the center right around the pupil, or those perfectly deceiving lips being hugged by the silver lip ring.

“I can’t say I’d disagree,” Gerard shrugged, “if we were a couple.”  

“Understandable,” Frank said his eyes going to Gerard’s lips.  “So tell me, have you been thinking about my lips this fine Thursday?”

“A little,” Gerard said watching the way Frank pushed his lip ring with his tongue.  His lips were glistening with the residue of spit that had been left behind from his tongue.  It made Gerard lick his own.   “They look...great.”  

“After our chat I’ve been thinking about yours a lot.”  Frank said moving closer.  

“Yeah?”  Gerard asked under his breath.  

“Oh yeah,” Frank said.  “I’m going to kiss you.”

“Frank we shouldn’t, I’m no good for you.”  Gerard said halfheartedly.

“I’m going to kiss you.”  Frank repeated before making good on his promise.  

Closing the distance Frank reached up with his left arm and pulled Gerard down.  A second before their lips met Frank hesitated giving Gerard a chance to pull away, but instead he seemed to lean in just a bit more.  It was a great moment, but it only got better when their lips finally touched.  At first it was light, their lips barely making contact.  Gerard pulled back a little, their eyes meeting as they realized what had just happened.

“I’ve never actually kissed a guy,” Gerard said a tiny worry line forming between his eyebrows.

“I figured,” Frank said with a tiny smile, “and that’s okay.  We’ll take it slow.”  Gerard smiled at that.

“Let’s try that again,” Gerard said.  He still didn’t take the lead, instead let Frank pull him back in.  It wasn’t much of a distance, but Frank really was taking it slow making what would be half a second to close the distance, ten tension filled seconds that they both counted in their minds.  Frank wetted his lips, but misjudged the distance and the tip of his tongue made contact with Gerard’s lip before he pulled it back into his mouth.  It didn’t stop either of them though.

Finally their lips came together again, this time it was more than just them brushing, instead it was them connecting, really connecting.  Frank’s lips were soft and Gerard’s comforting.  It wasn’t passionate, it wasn’t heated, but it made them both feel something they never felt before.  Frank knew that the person that controlled those lips actually cared for him, at least a little bit.  These lips had told him so many things, things he wanted to hear from the guy who had hurt him, in such a short amount of time.  And they were sincere.  It was more than he was ever given.  For Gerard it made him realize that he was finally being completely honest with himself.  Sure he loved Lindsey, but not in the way he had the potential to love Frank.  It was a freedom he had never felt before.  But both of them, both of them felt the twist in their stomachs that told them that they liked the way it felt and wanted to do it again.  They parted, not even so much as involving their tongues.  It wasn’t a long kiss, but it was what they needed.  

“Simple and slow,” Frank whispered watching as Gerard brought his fingers to his own lips.  There something about the way Gerard smiled and let his fingers feel what his lips were feeling that made Frank smile.  “How was…”

“Eh,” Gerard said furrowing his brow, and shaking his head “don’t ask that, it’ll make it weird.”  With that Gerard smiled at Frank and went back to drawing.  Looking at the paper he suddenly felt like it was far too mundane for Frank and Helena.  But mostly Frank.  Gently Gerard started to erase the bed and the boring dorm room background he was struggling to get right, now realizing that it was never going to be right.  Not for them.  Not for Frank.

The drawn pair looked studious, but they were just floating their bodies a little above the halfway point of the paper.  All Gerard could see was empty space on the paper, which was exactly what made sense.  Looking up he noticed that Frank was still standing in the same spot watching Gerard while smiling.  For the first time Frank didn’t care that he had been caught, he kind of liked that he had been.  It made his heart race, and blood rush to his face but in a good way.  It wasn’t embarrassment that caused it, but exhilaration, happiness.  Gerard smiled back, and looked down.  The stars, the planets, the moon, Frank deserved it all so that’s what Gerard was going to draw for him.  

Over the past, almost two weeks, Gerard had found out quite a bit about Frank and for everything he liked he put a star on the paper.  Suddenly this simple sketch was morphing into a full on project, one that he didn’t mean to exclude Helena from, but all he could think about was Frank.  Frank’s lips.  Frank smiling.  Frank playing with his lip ring.  Frank lips on his own.  Frank’s hands.  Frank.  There was so much to like about one person that it seemed nearly impossible to find anything to dislike and those were just his physical appearance.  He added a planet for his guitar skills.  A moon for the way he treated Helena.  The small paper wasn’t big enough, and Gerard knew he needed a canvas, but it would have to wait because he wasn’t ready to leave Frank.

“What are you working on?”  Frank asked, very aware that even his voice sounded like it was smiling.  He loved this feeling, he wished he had felt it before because he was sure that if he did, things wouldn’t have gone the way they had.

“A surprise,” Gerard said slipping the paper into a random drawer.  “I want to know more about you, and I want you to know more about me.”  Gerard said taking a chance that worried him slightly.

“I’d like that,” Frank said, “but won’t it seem artificial if we just sit here and spill our guts?”

“I don’t think so, but it would be boring,” Gerard said a small smile playing at the corner of his lips.  “I was thinking one fact a day, but we don’t just say it, we get creative with it.  It’ll be fun.”  Gerard didn’t have to finish before Frank agreed, he was nodding his head and smiling which made Gerard feel something he couldn’t describe.

“I think that’s a great idea,” Frank said.  He turned around and reached for something, as soon as he turned around he handed what was in his hands to Gerard.  It was the copy of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone that he had been reading they day they had spent hours together but in their own separate worlds.  “Open it.”

Gerard listened and on the cover page there was note.

 

_ To Frank: _

 

_ You’re such a young kid, but I can already tell you’re going to do great things with your life, and I can’t wait to see where you go.  I was told this is a story of a boy who starts out on the very bottom only to come out on top, and I thought of you.  I know you don’t have it easy in school, and you’d rather spend your time with an old geezer like me, so I thought maybe a young voice could help you out.  Your father has made alot of mistakes in his life, and accomplished quite a bit, but you by far are the best thing my son could’ve possibly given this world.  _

 

_ ~Grandpa  _

 

“He passed away in twenty-fifteen,” Frank said when Gerard looked back up at him.  “I wish he was still here, but I showed you this to tell you that my grandfather is the greatest person that I’ve ever been lucky enough to know.”   The book in Gerard’s hands felt heavier all of the sudden.  Each word weighed a ton, and he was very aware of the pain Frank was feeling.  He somberly gave Frank back the book before reaching into a drawer to find an old and completely full sketchbook.  He flipped it open to find the card inside, which he handed to Frank.

 

_ Gerard, _

 

_ Happy birthday my darling Gerard!  I can’t believe you’ve grown into such a fine young man and only at the age of thirteen.  You never cease to surprise me with your talent, I miss the days we’d spend together drawing and painting, but your mother shows me your current art work all the time.  I’ve got to say you just keep getting better, you’re special Gee, don’t you ever doubt that or forget it.  I love you, and I’m so excited what the rest of your life has planned for you, I know it will be only the best. _

 

_ Love Grandma Elena _

 

“She taught me a lot about art,” Gerard said, “I was grateful for that, but I didn’t show it.  The last year she was alive I didn’t see her all that often, I didn’t even make an effort, and I regret that so much.  She was this amazing woman, and I’m going to make her proud and make up for that year.”  Frank smiled at that.  They were both raw from what they had just shared, but neither could deny the way mentioning it felt like a weight had been lifted.

“It’s weird,” Frank said, “they say that older generations tend to be the most prejudiced because of the time that they grew up in, but my grandfather didn’t care that I was gay, but his son did.”

“Old people get a bad rap,” Gerard said smiling, “people like to define generations as a whole, but none of that really matters.”  Frank nodded, Gerard had unintentionally told him another fact, but he wasn’t going to complain.  

“Old people are awesome,” Frank said with a little chuckle.  “I think it’ll be cool to see what we’re like as old people.”  Gerard just laughed, but really the idea freaked him out.  The future was not something he liked to think about because it often lead to the thought of how far he could go before his future was no longer a possibility.  Death scared him, but sometimes so did life.  It was an odd existence.

 

***

 

It was rare seeing Brendon so calm, but it was also rare to see him around Sarah.  When he had found out that Helena was going to come to dinner with them, he thought that it would be the best time to bring Sarah around all the guys.  Nobody really accounted for how the booth was already crowded with just the five of them so when they squeezed into the booth with two extra people, things were a little tense.  They had given the girls the end seats because they didn’t want to make them feel trapped.  

The one good thing about this was that Frank’s thigh was in constant contact with Gerard’s.  Every time their shoulders bumped into each other they held back grins that would give it away, but Helena didn’t miss the struggle it caused their mouths.  Although Gerard never said he was anything other than straight, she suspected he had feelings for Frank, it was all about the way he would look at and teased Frank.  They didn’t seem to be acting different around each other, but Helena could tell something had changed, it just felt like the air around them was different, plus she felt the tension in that room even after she closed the door.  She didn’t hold back the smile she felt, she was just happy that her first friends in college were seemingly happy.   _Thank you universe_ she thought silently.

“Hey Gerard,” the outburst from Pete had everyone surprised.  The light conversation that was being made came to a sudden halt, but he didn’t seem to notice.

“I’m right next to you, why are you yelling?”  Gerard asked his eyebrows furrowing in confusion.  When he shifted to face Pete his entire leg rubbed up against Frank’s and Helena caught the smile that Frank quickly locked back up after it had escaped.

“I’m just so excited!” Pete said, he quickly tilted his phone to show Gerard a text that read:

 

_ Baby Boy: I’m going to talk to my mom today. _

 

“He already told me that,” Gerard said surprised that Pete was only just finding out now, considering that it was almost ten o’clock and there wasn’t much of ‘today’ left.  Pete frowned, and texted Mikey back, if Gerard had hurt Pete he didn’t mean to.

Sensing something, Patrick decided to take matters into his own hands.  He didn’t want everyone to focus on that sad look on his best friend’s face.

“Sarah what was the record he…”

“Shut up,” Brendon said his face going red.

Sarah laughs breathlessly, “He told me not to tell you guys.  It was sweet though.”

“Are you two dating?”  Helena asked curiously.  She took a bite of the cardboard like piece of pizza.

“Not yet,” Sarah said.  Next to her Brendon started to choke, the piece of chicken he had been chewing on decided to clog his throat in surprise.  “Are you alright?”  She asked him with wide eyes, her hand going to his back.  

His face was going red as he asked, “not yet?”  Sarah smiled and nodded her head.

“Not yet.”  She offered him her cup of water, which he took to wash down what had gotten stuck in his throat.  “So Helena, you’re a Psychology major?”

“Yeah, I know it’s really not exciting, but it means alot to me.”  Helena said shrugging as she used her fork to push around the repulsive lettuce in front of her.  She wasn’t sure how but the food services seemed to ruin the lettuce too.

“Not exciting?  I think it’s really cool,” Sarah said encouragingly, “I’m still undeclared, Psychology is one major I’m looking at.  I’ve heard that Psych 101 is the worst though.”

“It’s awful,” Frank interjected his hatred for the lecture was one thing he wasn’t able to hold back.  “The professors are basically incompetent, I could teach it better.”  Helena laughed and rolled her eyes at him.

“Liar,” Helena smiled, “it’s alot of work.  It’s just not Frank’s thing, he struggles with it and I’m trying to help.”  

“I don’t think it sounds like my thing either,” Sarah said shrugging her shoulders.  “Helena I have a very important question for you.”  Helena was a little shocked but sat up straighter curious as to what the question was.

“Okay.”  The girls were very aware of the boys watching them intensely.  Sarah leaned forward a little.

“Why do you hang out with these guys?”  Sarah cracked a smile, one that dazzled Brendon, her lip gloss only adding to the affect it already had on him.

“They’re fun to be around, except for Frank and Gerard.”  Helena joked.  Patrick and Pete high-fived each other, while Frank and Gerard simply pouted.  “I can’t speak for Brendon though, this is the first time I’ve met him.”  

“Alright,” Sarah said leaning back, “I’ve been trying convince Brendon to let invite the guys to hang out with us, but he says they’re too much.”

“That’s what I hear about Brendon,” Helena said smiling.  

The rest of dinner went better than any of them could have expected.  Helena and Sarah were getting along great, and everyone seemed to be enjoying the time they were spending together despite being so uncomfortably close to each other.

 

***

 

Mikey waited until he heard his parent’s bedroom door close and the sound of his father’s footsteps heading down the stairs before he stepped out into the hallway.  Taking a deep breath he knocked on his mother’s door, something he had’t done in awhile.

“Come in,” she called out sounding a little surprised.  “Hey honey, I was about to call your brother.”

“Oh,” Mikey said, “Gerard’s at dinner, and I was kind of hoping we could talk.”  

“Of course,” she answered setting her phone down on the bedside table.  “What do you want to talk about?”

“Actually do you mind if we go for a walk?”  Mikey wasn’t sure how long his dad would be downstairs, but it he knew it wouldn’t be long enough.

“It’s a little late,” she said, but when his mother saw the way his shoulders sank she added, “how about we go for a drive instead?”

“That works,” Mikey said smiling, “I’ll meet you in the car.”  Quietly Mikey made his way down the stairs and saw his father hunched over the kitchen island reading something.  He didn’t look like someone who would frighten his sons, but that was from the outside looking in.  Cautiously Mikey made his way to the front door and slipped out, his father didn’t even blink.

His mom’s car was unlocked and he climbed into the passenger seat.  His entire head was throbbing, he had no idea what to say to his mother, but she already knew so it didn’t matter too much.  At school Tyler and Josh had been subtly growing on him so he asked them for advice.

_ “Is something bothering you?”  Tyler asked at lunch.  Both him and Josh were being relatively quiet, but Mikey hadn’t realized it until Tyler had spoken up. _

_ “I’m just in a tight spot is all,” Mikey answered honestly as he looked at the school’s sorry excuse for a chicken finger sub.  _

_ “Maybe we can help,” Josh offered pulling the chicken nuggets off the hot dog bun of his own “sub.” _

_ “It’s personal,” Mikey answered. _

_ “So be vague,” Tyler suggested as he picked up the slice of pizza he had chosen from the menu. _

_ “Okay,” Mikey said sitting up.  “How do you tell somebody a big secret you’ve been keeping for awhile,” Josh was about to answer feeling as though it was an easy question to answer, but then Mikey went on.  “But they already know this secret, and they’re also pretending not to know it.  They also don’t know ,that you know ,that they know, and that they’re trying to pretend not to know.  On top of that the secret is something that they have to keep from someone they love in order to protect me, another person they love.” _

_ Both Tyler and Josh stared blankly at Mikey.  He pushed his glasses up his nose a little before getting up to leave, feeling stupid for what he had said.   _

_ “Wait, sit back down,” Tyler said and Mikey listened.  “Your situation seems very complicated, so don’t make the solution complicated.  The best thing you can do is be blunt and honest, people make things way more complicated than they need to be, so go for the simple solution.  Tell whoever this person is that you’re aware of what they know, and that you’re finally ready for them to know it.  You say this person loves you, so I bet they’ll understand.” _

_ Mikey was shocked to hear what Tyler had to say.  It wasn’t profound or anything, but it made so much sense. _

_ “I need courage for that,” Mikey admitted. _

_ “Courage,” Josh said, “that’s hard, but the best way to get it is by thinking about how much better off you’ll be once this is all cleared up.  Sometimes you can fake courage for a moment or two and turn it into the real thing, whatever works for you.” _

_ “Fake it ‘til you make it,” Tyler said. _

“Simple,” Mikey muttered under his breath as his mom closed the front door behind her.  For the first few minutes of driving around they didn’t speak, but as the passed the place Mikey hated the most he spoke up.  “Will you pull in here?”  He asked his mom.

“The school parking lot?  I guess.”  She answered turning into the empty lot.  He waited until she parked the car.   _ Fake it ‘til you make it.   _

“I know mom,” Mikey said in a desperate exhale.  “I know you found out, but for a minute, I want to you to forget okay?”

“Okay, Mikey, I can forget.”  She smiled at her son, tears coming to her eyes.  Her heart was breaking for her boys, but she would fix things for them.

“Mom I have to tell you something,” Mikey whispered.

“Go ahead sweetheart, I’m listening,” she choked on the words.

“I think I’m falling in love with someone,” Mikey started.

“That’s great,” she smiled at him as she reached up to turn on the overhead light.  They needed to see each other for this, or it wouldn’t mean as much.  

“I’m glad you think so,” Mikey said feeling his own tears well up in his bottom eyelid.  “But I have to tell you that this person is a boy.  I know that alot of people say they understand love, but then discourage love for those of us who happen to love someone who is the same gender as us.  I’ve been so afraid to tell you because I don’t want dad to find out, he’s made it clear that he’s one of those people who claims to understand love, but really doesn’t.  But I’m ready to tell you that I feel the way about boys the way most people want me to feel about girls, and there’s one person in particular that I  _ really  _ feel this way about.”

When he fell silent his mother reached over and wiped away his tears, before pulling him into an awkward hug over the car’s center console.  It poked into their ribs but they didn’t pull apart.

“I love you Mikey,” she answered, “and all I want in life is for you and your brother to be happy.  I know that I haven’t done the best that I could’ve been doing, but I’m trying to do better.  That being said I know that I won’t be able to make you happy all the time, and at some point your happiness will be all up to you.  If loving someone makes you happy then I don’t care whether or not your genders match.  I just want you to be happy and safe, and usually to love someone you have to feel both around them.  I’m glad that you told me, and I’m sorry your father makes you feel like you can’t be yourself, but I know he loves you too.  We’ll figure this out, but until then my lips are sealed.  I love you.”

“I love you too,” Mikey said burying his face into his mother’s shoulders.  For awhile they sat there trying to calm their racing hearts.  “There’s no good segway into this, but I have a favor to ask you.” 

His mom smiled and gave a little chuckle, “you were always such a blunt kid when you needed to be.  Ask away.”

“Can I go up to visit Gerard for homecoming weekend?” Mikey asked.

“When is it?”

“Next weekend,” Mikey said knowing it was cutting it close.  “I was also hoping to see Pete too, it's been awhile and I really miss him.”

“I think we can manage,” she said, “I just have to make sure you’re dad doesn’t mind.”  Mikey’s face broke into a smile.  He didn’t know, but that smile made his mother want to cry all over again.  It was so rare for her to see a smile like that come from either of her sons, but Mikey especially.  That smile made her feel like things could get better, and she believed it, if not for herself, then for her sons and the people they loved.  Back when she was young she hadn’t realized how broken the world was, but she had been trying to fix it up for Gerard and Mikey since the day she became a mother, the day she realized her happiness was bottled up inside the hearts and minds of two tiny human beings.     


	14. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while, I just kind of fell into a funk that sucked away my ability to write coherently.
> 
> ~Twenty-Six Nine

“Woah,” Mikey looked up from his phone to see Tyler and Josh standing in front of their usual table holding their bagged lunches.  “Is that a smile?  Josh, tell me you’re seeing it too!”  Tyler teased sitting down placing two brown paper bags on the table, one he slid across to Mikey who was surprised by the gesture.

“I think it is,” Josh mused taking the seat next to Tyler.

“What’s this?”  Mikey asked pointing to the bag Tyler had given him, with the pen he was using to work on his homework.  

“We brought you lunch,” Tyler said pulling a sandwich out of his own bag.  “We’ve noticed that since last Thursday you haven’t been eating lunch, so we thought we’d bring you something to eat.  I hope you don’t mind peanut butter and jelly.”

“You didn’t have to do that,” Mikey answered closing his notebook, his homework could wait.  Cautiously he peeked into the bag, and on top was a piece of paper with two phone numbers written on it.  He pulled it out and held it up.  “And this is…”

“Our numbers,” Josh answered, “friends usually communicate outside of the school building.”

“You consider me a friend?”  Mikey asked pulling his phone out to put the numbers in.  

“Well duh,” they both said as if they had practiced the answer.  Mikey wouldn’t be surprised if they did, but at the same time he would be even less surprised if they hadn’t.  They were so in sync it was like they were the same person.

“Alright,” Mikey shrugged his shoulders accepting the fact that he had made two new friends.

“Cool,” Josh said nodding his head.  Mikey looked up just in time to catch Josh shaking his head and Tyler nodding his.  He felt like he had missed something, but he was sure that they hadn’t said anything to each other.

“Want to hang out this weekend?”  Tyler asked which made Josh close his eyes and sigh.  Mikey still wasn’t sure what they meant by their answer to the question about whether or not they were brothers, but their dynamic was a lot like what he and Gerard had.

“No,” Mikey deadpanned, but when he saw the confusion on their faces he tried to elaborate.  “I mean I would, but no.  I have plans to go visit my brother this weekend.”

“Sounds fun,” Josh answered.  Tyler nodded his head in agreement.

“Thank you for the lunch by the way,” Mikey added.  They fell into a comfortable silence for awhile, each boy left to their own thoughts.  Mikey’s mind tugged him to thought of Pete, but he refused so he could really think about the dynamic duo sitting with him in the here and now.  They were kind of weird, but at the same time Mikey could appreciate that about them.  None of them belonged, and they knew it.  But it wasn’t just that.  Tyler and Josh had multiple opportunities to bring up their conversation from the previous Thursday, but didn’t.  They had heard the word secret, and the word personal and took those to heart.  Neither of them were angry Mikey had been vague, and they didn’t ask him to elaborate.  He wasn’t sure why, but that alone meant a lot to him and made him want to stick around them.  Not only that but they considered him their friend, but didn’t seem to be interested in talking to anyone else in school.  Mikey knew exactly who that reminded him of...Gerard, Ray and himself.  The three didn’t belong, so together they made sense.

“When do you leave?”  Tyler asked breaking the silence.

“I’m going early Saturday morning,” Mikey answered, the words leaving a flutter of excitement behind in his chest.  

“Want to hang out after school on Friday then?”  Tyler persisted, Josh rolled his eyes.

“You don’t have to say yes,” Josh said tapping Tyler on the shoulder with his fist.  It was the lightest punch Mikey had ever witnessed, but Tyler still grabbed his shoulder and pouted.  “It didn’t hurt.”

“You don’t know that,” Tyler stated dramatically.  “I’ll probably bruise like a peach and mom will be pissed at you.”  

“I’m her favorite,” Josh said offhandedly.

“Like hell you are,” Tyler said sounding genuinely offended by the accusation.

“I am too,” Josh said, “and I’m going to be Mikey’s favorite too, just you watch.”

Both turned to look at Mikey who wasn’t sure how to respond.  Now he knew how Ray felt when he and Gerard pulled him into a nonsensical argument, tongue tied and kind of confused.  

“Sure, I can hang out Friday.”  Mikey said unsure of what else he could’ve possibly said.

“Awesome,” Josh answered and the argument was forgotten.  “Our mom is going to be so excited, she thought we were lying about making friends.”

 

***

 

His fingers played the strings like they had no other purpose in the world.  Nothing compared to the familiarity of each chord, of each string, of feeling like he was being carried away by each note.  It was like being transported out of the world and the only thing that anchored him down was the sound of Gerard’s voice ringing out in the record store.  It was absolute bliss.

“Do you take requests?”  Helena asked jokingly as they concluded their mini concert.  They had brought her long because she had been insisting on meeting their “adopted daughter with the cool name.”  None of them took into account that she was still in high school, which meant she was still in school until almost three.

“It depends,” Gerard answered falling into the routine of putting the guitar Frank had used back on the wall.  Donnie was nice enough to let them show Helena their skills before putting them to work, he claimed that talent shouldn’t be repressed it should be celebrated.  “Are you going to hang out, or head back?”

“I think I’ll hang out here,” Helena answered, but looked at Donnie, “if that’s alright.”

“The more the merrier,” Donnie told Helena.  “Make yourself at home, if you want you can pick the music.”  Helena smiled and began to browse the collection of records scattered all around the room.  

“Alright boss, what do you want us to do?”  Frank asked resisting the urge to accompany the question with a knuckle crack.  It was too...mobster for his taste.  Gerard covered his mouth hearing it himself and tried his best to hold back the bubbly laugh that was trying it’s hardest to spill out.

“For starters, don’t call me boss,” Donnie answered waving his hand for the boys to follow his lead.  With his back turned to them Gerard mouthed the question and pretended to crack his neck menacingly.  In return Frank shoved him lightly and started to follow Donnie’s lead.  

From her spot in the front room Helena watched the pair’s silent exchange and smiled.  They both looked so happy, that she, herself couldn’t help but feel the same way, she was so enthralled with seeing them happy she hadn’t noticed the door open.  But the very sudden feeling of someone standing right behind her pulled her out of her state of appreciation.  Unsettled she turned to see the last person she expected to see in this safe haven, she stumbled away uncomfortable by the closeness he was forcing upon them.  

“Sleeping Beauty, is just as gorgeous awake,” Hunter, Maria’s boyfriend, said his voice sounding heavy with something she couldn’t quite name, but it made her back up even more.

“What are, what are you doing in here?”  Helena asked holding the random record she had picked up close to her chest, it was becoming a weak shield that she gripped tightly.  

“Who doesn’t like music?”  Hunter asked, reaching out and taking the record from Helena to examine it.  An impressed look came to his face.  “Stevie Wonder, _Songs in the Key of Life_?  I didn’t peg you as a Stevie Wonder fan.”

“I was just…”

“I’ve got to admit I only know _Isn’t She Lovely_ ,” Hunter said as if Helena would care, she didn’t.  Nervous, Helena just nodded her head, but just as she was hoping Hunter would go away, he started to hum.  Before she knew it he was singing the lyrics.  She couldn’t help it, her eyes widened in shock.  His voice wasn’t bad, but it was nothing compared to Gerard’s.  As he reached the chorus she noticed the door to the store open and a younger girl was coming into the store.  They made eye contact, and Helena felt immediately embarrassed because she knew that the look in her eyes was begging this girl for help.

“Excuse me,” the girl spoke up approaching them, her voice was surprisingly firm, which Helena couldn’t even muster when dealing with Hunter.  Even though she was embarrassed, she was even more grateful for the way this girl’s simple “excuse me” had cut Hunter’s creepy serenade off so easily.  “Hi, my name is Bandit, I work here, can I help either of you with anything?”

“You’re Bandit?”  Helena asked.

“Yep, my grandpa owns the place,” Bandit said with a smile that actually reminded Helena of Gerard’s.  She wasn’t sure if it was because they had called Bandit their daughter so often, but Helena could see quite a bit of Gerard in this girl.  

“I’m here with Frank and Gerard,” Helena said hoping that if she started a conversation with Bandit, Hunter would back off soon.  

“Frank and Gerard are here?”  Bandit asked excitedly, and even though it was clear she wanted to go find them, she didn’t abandon Helena.  “You must be Helena, they mentioned you a couple days ago when they came in for training.”  

“That’s me,” Helena smiled grateful for this fifteen year olds ability to be outgoing.

“Hey kid,” Hunter spoke up, “we were kind of busy.”  Bandit turned to him and scrunched her face up in annoyance.  Letting her face relax she tilted her head and placed her hands on her hips.  She didn’t do anything but look at him like there were so many other people she would rather be forced to be in the same room as than him, and it made Hunter squirm a little.

“I don’t think you were,” Bandit answered, it made Helena want to laugh, but she didn’t.  Seeing Bandit in action made Helena realize why Frank and Gerard seemed so fond of her.  She was the little sister Helena wished her parents could have given her, but her mother was too busy drinking her life away to create another one.

“How old are you anyway?”  Hunter scoffed.

“It doesn’t matter,” Bandit told him standing her ground.  “I think you should just leave Helena alone, my grandpa doesn’t take very kindly to people who don’t know when enough’s enough, and neither does the big guy who runs the tattoo parlor next door.”

“Can you believe this?” Hunter asked Helena with a hint of laughter, “I think this pipsqueak is trying to intimidate me.  You’re cute little girl, but that’s not a scary threat.”

“You’re an asshole,” Bandit said, “please leave the store, we reserve the right not to help customers like you.  And if you don’t go I’ll get the three guys in back to make you leave, simple as that.”

Hunter scrunched up his face at Bandit, it looked like he was trying to decide whether or not she was lying.  But then the guys’ voices came from downstairs, and he decided that she wasn’t.  He set the record down and said, “I’ll see you around Helena,” and left.

“Promise me you won’t say anything to them,” Helena rushed out, their voices growing closer.  

“Sure,” Bandit said, “just be careful around him.”  

“I will be,” Helena told Bandit just as Frank and Gerard came back into the room carrying heavy boxes.  “I didn’t know you pretty boys could do manual labor,” Helena teased hoping that any tension that had gathered in the room would dissipate if she created a friendly environment.

“You think we’re pretty?” Frank asked a smile on his face.

“Of course she thinks we’re pretty,” Gerard answered, “have you seen us?”

“Hi dads!” Bandit broke into the conversation.  She waited for them to set down the boxes before giving them both hugs, for a moment Helena felt a complete sense of family.  It didn’t feel like an on going joke to her, it felt like this girl genuinely saw herself as their daughter, and that they felt like they were her fathers.  Maybe they needed each other, Helena thought watching the way Frank hugged Bandit like he wanted to protect her from everything the world could throw at her.  “I met Helena, by the way.”  Bandit added standing back to give them some space.

“Would you mind keeping her company, while we move these boxes and talk to your grandpa?”  Frank asked, and even then he sounded like he was the girl’s actual father.  

“Sure thing,” Bandit smiled.  Satisfied the guys went back down the stairs.  For a moment the girls were silent, and Helena was worried Bandit would bring up what had just happened, but she didn’t.  “So what kind of music do you listen too?”

“Anything really,” Helena said, “I’m not picky, if I can dance to it, I’m down.”  

“You dance?”  Bandit asked, it wasn’t necessarily surprise in her voice, but she didn’t seem to be expecting it either.

“Yeah, my dad signed me up for all sorts of classes when I was really little,” she didn’t tell Bandit that he did that so Helena could get out of the house to avoid making his daughter watch her mother self implode holding a bottle of whatever cheap alcohol she was drinking that day.  

“And you stuck with it?”  Bandit asked digging through a box of records.  Helena watched as she did this, because it looked very deliberate, like she knew exactly what she was looking for.

“Yes,” Helena said, “I love it.  Ballet is my favorite, it can look extremely serene even when telling the most chaotic of stories.”  

“Perfect,” Bandit answered standing back up holding a record out.  “I thought Frank and Gerard’s friend bought the last one.”  Helena’s eyes widened, it was Brendon that Bandit was talking about, and now she knew the answer to the mystery Patrick had been stewing over for weeks.

“ _Blue Hawaii_ , interesting.  When I was about thirteen my dance instructor taught us a routine to _Can’t Help Falling in Love_ it was a lot of fun.”  Helena said remembering her first solo.  All the other dancers in her class were jealous that she had been given a solo, _and_ a duet in the same recital.  Everyone hated her for it, but for Elvis they put it aside, most of them forgot by the end of the performance, but not everyone did.  If becoming an addiction therapist didn’t mean so much to her, she would’ve been trying to make a career out of dancing because of how much it had helped through the years, and how in love she was with the art form.  But it didn’t mean she was giving it up altogether.  Part of the reason she had picked the college she did was because they offered minors in dancing, and even though it wasn’t official she planned to do that.

“It was my mom’s favorite song,” Bandit told Helena, “she used to sing it to me all the time.  I hide the record constantly, but people manage to find it. You should know,” Bandit said making her way to the record player, “talent gets you a discount here.  You have to prove it though.”

A smile broke across Helena’s face at the implication, and as the tune began to play out she got ready, it had been about five years since she had performed this routine for anyone, but she sometimes practiced it when she wanted to remember the way it felt to feel special for at least a night.  Before she knew it the sound of Elvis had her carrying herself around the room, the same weightless feeling that always came with dancing, overcame her.  Dancing gave her a stability like no other, it had been one of the few constants in her life and for it she was grateful.  The routine itself wasn’t all that taxing, but when it came to an end she was breathing a little heavier than before.

“Why is everyone so talented around here?”  Bandit asked as the next track started to play.

“Thank you,” Helena said with a smile.  “I hear you’re an amazing musician.”

“I’m alright,” Bandit said.  “Can you teach me to dance like that?  My mom used to love ballet, but she never got the chance to sign me up for classes.”

“I can try,” Helena said, wondering what had happened to Bandit’s mother, but didn’t ask.  “I’m not much of a teacher, but I’d be willing to try.”  Just then Donnie emerged from the basement, Frank  and Gerard behind him.

“I can work Saturday afternoon,” Gerard offered.

“Wait, isn’t Mikey coming up this weekend, I can take that shift so you can see your brother.”  Frank’s confusion was clear in his voice.

“No, I want to give him some time alone with Pete.  He’s had me around for sixteen years, he needs time with Pete.”  Gerard answered.

“So I’ll put you down for Saturday eleven to five?”  Donnie asked, Gerard nodded.

“I work that shift too,” Bandit chimed in.  “It’s a lot more fun than it sounds.”

“Of course it is,” Gerard said with a laugh, “I get to hang out with the coolest fifteen year old I know.”  They stayed for a little while, but eventually they had to leave and when they did Helena received a hug from Bandit.  

“You’re a pretty cool aunt,” Bandit said jokingly, but again Helena got the sense that it wasn’t a complete joke to Bandit.  

“Thanks,” Helena said as Bandit pulled away from their hug.  “I’ll have to come back with these guys sometime.”  
“You definitely should,” Bandit smiled, “we can find some free space in the back for lessons.”  Helena nodded and was then ushered out the door by Frank who was the one who said it was time to go when he remembered he had an online Psych quiz he needed to do.  

When they were about half way back to campus, Helena had been stewing in her thoughts long enough that she broke into whatever conversation that Frank and Gerard had been having.

“What happened to Bandit’s mom?”  Helena asked, silencing the boys.  
“What do you mean?”  Frank asked confused.

“She was talking about her mom in the past tense,” Helena said.

“Oh, we don’t know, she doesn’t talk about her family much, except her cousins and grandpa.”  Gerard told Helena, a weight sinking heavily in his stomach.  He wanted to turn around and ask her, but knew that wasn’t a reasonable response.  They all fell into a silence as they realized there weren’t many explanations for Bandit’s situation, and none of them were happy explanations either.

 

***

 

Silence and tension suffocated the boys, but their thoughts were horrible enough to keep them from fighting back.  While not knowing was hitting them both really hard, it was attacking Gerard even worse welcoming back that numbing black hole that he hadn’t felt in a few days.  He had an idea of what that feeling was, but admitting it to himself made it worse because it became real, so he always did his best to ignore it.  It wasn’t the best way to cope, but neither was the other solution he had tried, the solution that landed him in AA out of the fear of becoming his father.

Frank paused his staring at the ceiling to look over at Gerard who was facing the wall.  He hated when Gerard got like this, because he wasn’t sure when it would it hit, how long it would last, and worst of all how to help Gerard out.  Part of him was starting to think it never actually went away, Gerard would just ignore it while burying it under layers and layers of distractions until something happened that erased those layers from existence.  

“I wish I had a brother,” Frank said hoping to distract Gerard.  “Or a sister even, just some other kid in the house who could really understand the hell of being raised by my father.  It’s really cool that you and Mikey have each other.  I’m really excited to meet him this weekend, I’ve even got a surprised lined up.”

Frank watched as Gerard’s shoulders seemed to loosen, the tension in them going into temporary hiding for the time being.  “That’s not how it works,” Gerard whispered just loud enough for Frank to understand him.

“What do you mean?”  Frank asked curious.

“Mikey and I have each other,” Gerard turned to face Frank, “and yeah we get a lot of what the other is feeling, but it’s not that black and white.  Mikey and I grew up in the same house, with the same parents, with the same shitty predicament, but our experiences are different.  My father and I were close when I was growing up, and Mikey was always a mama’s boy.  I know that my father can really hurt Mikey because of how hard he is on us, and how anti-progress he can be but for me seeing this side of him, well it kills part of me.  He was my hero, but everyday I see that he’s actually the guy behind the wizard except he really isn’t trying all that hard to keep himself hidden behind the curtain.  To Mikey he was nothing more than a dad, so it’s a different perspective that’s being destroyed.”

“I’m sorry,” Frank answered, “I guess I never really thought of it that way.”

“Don’t apologize, there’s really nothing to apologize for and if there was it’s not up to you to be sorry.”  Gerard told him as he turned away to hide the smile that graced his lips despite how the words rolled off his tongue with a hint of sadness.

“Okay,” Frank answered, “wanna go for a smoke?”

Gerard thought about it for a moment before shaking his head.  Getting out of bed was the last thing he wanted to do, even if it meant a date with nicotine.

“Wanna get something to eat?” Frank asked.

“No,” Gerard said shaking his head again even as his stomach growled intensely.

“It could just be the two of us for a change,” Frank tried, “we can ditch the usual plans with the Brady Bunch.”  Even though Frank couldn’t tell for certain, he was sure that got him at least a smirk.

“Tempting, but no.”  Gerard sighed, and Frank watched as his shoulder rose slowly, but fell rapidly with the exhale.

“Wanna do anything?”

“No, not really,” Gerard admitted.

Frank stayed silent for a moment.  There was one more thing he wanted to ask Gerard, but was nervous about.  His heart was pounding roughly in his chest, it was such an intense pounding that he could feel the blood shake his veins as it rushed through them.

“Don’t you have a quiz,” Gerard asked as Frank finally spit out his question.

“Wanna lay in bed with me?”  They both fell into a puzzled silence.  Both knew their answers, but neither of them wanted to answer first.

“I do,” Frank muttered the silence killing him.  A sudden feeling of rejection was like a bullet piercing his heart.  Each breath became uncomfortable.  He turned to walk away from Gerard’s bed, ready to take the quiz he knew he would fail anyway.

“Can it wait?”  Gerard asked finally turning to face Frank again, only to find that Frank’s back was toward him.  Now Frank was afraid to let Gerard see his face, it would beat a fire truck in a competition to see which was redder.

“I have until midnight,” Frank shrugged.

“Well it’s only five,” Gerard answered, “if you can spare some time I would love to take you up on that offer.”  

Wordlessly Frank made his way back to Gerard’s side of the room, while Gerard moved over.  There wasn’t much room on the twin sized bed, but they made it work.

“Hi,” Frank whispered, his warm breath fanning over Gerard’s face.  They were both laying on their sides facing each other.  

“Hi,” Gerard said as he placed his hand palm up, on the mattress in the small space between them.  Instead of holding it Frank started to trace the word happy one letter at a time in the center of Gerard’s palm.  At first Gerard didn’t know what it was that Frank was spelling, but when he did Frank saw the realization his face and finally drew a question mark.  “No, I’ve tried, but it’s not working.”

“I’m sorry,” Frank said finally grabbing Gerard’s hand.  He placed a gentle kiss on the tip of Gerard’s nose.  “And don’t say it, I know it’s not my place to apologize, but I did and you’re going to have to deal with it.  I’m apologizing for everything that’s making you unhappy, because someone ought to.”

“Thank you,” Gerard mumbled closing his eyes.  “My fact for the day is that I started to drink to avoid the numb pit that I feel inside.”

Gerard’s words stabbed Frank in the heart.  They took away his breath, and the ability to form words so instead he brought their lips to his mouth and kissed Gerard’s before dropping it and pulling Gerard into his chest.  An almost gasp escaped Gerard as he buried his face in Frank’s chest.

“You’ll be happy, I promise,” Frank whispered as Gerard threw his arm around Frank and squeezed tightly.

 

***

 

“Welcome to our wonderful home!” Tyler said throwing their front door open excitedly.  He threw his backpack haphazardly onto the floor.

“Tyler Robert Joseph what did I say about the door?” A woman called out from somewhere in house.

“Sorry mom!” Tyler called back and then spun around to face Josh.  “You didn’t say she would be home.”

“How was I supposed to know?” Josh asked defensively.  Mikey watched as Tyler started to mock Josh and before he knew it they were slapping each other like a stereotypical cat fight between two girls in some awful cheesy teen movie.  This, Mikey thought, is why I avoid people.  But it was, at best, a half-hearted thought because it was amusing to Mikey to watch Tyler and Josh act like this.

“Seriously?” Their mom asked with a hint of breathless laughter.

“He started it,” Josh said.

“I was provoked,” Tyler countered.

“What would I do without you weirdos?” Their mother asked shaking her head.  Finally she looked at Mikey.  “Hello, Mikey, right?”

“Yes, I live down the street,” Mikey answered still standing awkwardly in the doorway.

“I’m Kelly McCollum, but you can call me Kelly.  Well come on in, you don’t have to stand in the doorway the whole time.”  Mikey smiled as Tyler and Josh finally cleared a path to actually let Mikey inside.  He closed the door behind him.  “Thank you for being their friend.”  Kelly said jokingly.

“That was a little rude mom,” Josh huffed.

“It was kind of fair,” Tyler said before laughing.

“No problem,” Mikey joked back.

Even though Mikey just met her, he already liked her.  He could see his mom wanting to be friends with Kelly, and maybe she’d loosen up if they started to hang out.

“Alright,” Kelly said, “I’ve got some work to do, so I’ll be in my office.  Let me know if you need anything.  Oh and Mikey don’t be afraid to put them in their place, sometimes they can get a little rowdy.”  They watched as she disappeared into the house.

“She seems cool,” Mikey said.

“She is,” Tyler spoke up, “best and longest placement I’ve ever had.”

“Me too,” Josh added, “we’ve been with her for years.”

“Placement?”  Mikey asked tilting his head in confusion.

“Yeah,” Josh answered, “she’s our foster mom.”

“If it weren’t for her we wouldn’t be brothers,” Tyler chimed in.  “Let’s go sit down.”  He lead Mikey and Josh into the living room where they sat on the floor.  Tyler turned on the TV.  It was some local station for the elderly that played old reruns of old televisions shows.  Josh grabbed the remote and turned the volume down a little, and it easily fell into the background.

“So,” Mikey said awkwardly, “you’re foster kids?”

“Yes,” Josh nodded.

“Well sort of,” Tyler said, “we’re in the process of being adopted by Kelly and Chris.  We’ve been with them for about six years, and when they decided to move the agency was giving them a hard time about keeping us.  They both fought really hard to keep us.  I guess their social worker said she’s never seen foster parents fight so hard to keep their foster children, and that if they wanted to, they could adopt us to ensure no one would ever take us away.”

“Wow, I had no idea,” Mikey said letting it all sink in.

“We don’t tell many people,” Josh said, “they usually start acting weird when we do.”

“I see,” Mikey answered trying his best to act natural, but the key to acting natural had escaped him.  It wasn’t so much the fact that they’re foster kids that threw him off, it was more the thought they told him because they figured he would continue to act normal, and for some reason that put pressure on him.

“You’re kinda doing it,” Tyler said, “but it’s cool.  We figured it would stun you a little, but we also kind of hoped it would because you’re always so stoic.”

“Wait,” Mikey furrowed his brow, “you did this to shock me.”

“Only slightly,” Josh answered.

“It didn’t last long,” Tyler begrudgingly mumbled.

“You two are kind of weird,” Mikey chuckled, “but in a good way.”

“Thank you,” they both said.  

“Do you like dogs?” Josh asked suddenly.

“Sure,” Mikey answered.  Josh got up without saying anything else.  With Josh gone Tyler grabbed the remote and turned the volume back up before switching the channel to some station that had reruns of The Office playing.  “This show is oddly genius.”

“Right?”  Tyler said with a smile.  “Who is your favorite?”

“Don’t judge me,” Mikey warned.  Tyler made a ‘x’ over his heart with a finger, “Phyllis.”

“Mine too!” Tyler said, “She’s so motherly, it’s impossible not to love her.  Josh likes Stanley the best.”

“Stanley’s cool,” Mikey admitted.

“This,” Josh said re-entering the room cradling a puppy to his chest, “is Jim.”

“Where was he?” Tyler asked.

“He was in his bed,” Josh said.  “He’s a really good boy.”

The rest of the night the three just hung out, getting to know each other a little bit better.  Mikey wound up staying for dinner, and he got to meet their foster father, Chris.  Mikey was surprised how close they all were for a family that wasn’t together from the very beginning.  Part of him was envious because even though him and Gerard were close like Tyler and Josh, their parents were nothing alike.

That night when he went home he locked himself in his room and called Gerard.  He knew that he’d see Gerard tomorrow morning, but being around that family made him miss his brother a lot.  Waiting for Gerard to pick up was almost sickening, each ring like a separate stomach ache.  

“Hey Mikey,” Gerard answered a tired lull in his voice.

“Hey Gee,” Mikey sighed happily.

“What’s up kiddo?”  Gerard rarely called Mikey kiddo, but for some reason Mikey found comfort in it.  Lately he felt like he had grown up too fast, and having his older brother calling him kiddo was calming.  Almost a sweet reminder that he was, in fact, still a kid and that he didn’t have to constantly try to be the adult he wasn’t ready to be.

“Nothing really,” Mikey mumbled, “I’m excited for this weekend.”  And he really was.  Originally the real reason he was going was to see Pete, but now he was really looking forward to seeing his brother.  They had never been so far apart for so long before, and even though Mikey was the one that was home, he felt homesick.

“Me too,” Gerard said, “I took an eleven to five shift at the record shop so you and Pete can have sometime without out your buzzkill older brother being around.”  Mikey’s stomach sunk a little.  He hoped Gerard was only joking, because he didn’t want him to feel that way about himself.

“Really?”  Mikey asked trying to seem neutral.

“Yep,” Gerard said, “I’m the best big brother ever, I know.”

“You are,” Mikey said genuinely.  “You really are Gee.”

There was a knock on Mikey’s door, and it was so loud that even Gerard heard it.

“I’m gonna go,” Gerard said, “I’ll see you tomorrow kiddo.”

“Can’t wait, bye.”  Mikey didn’t have the heart to hang up, so he let Gerard do the honors.  “Come in,” he finally called out.  The door slowly opened to reveal his father.

“Do you have a minute?” Donald asked.

“Yeah,” it was hard for Mikey not to feel defensive around his father.

“Your mom and I have been talking,” Mikey’s stomach dropped, “and we’ve decided that if our marriage is going to make it I’m going to have to change.  I’m going to join an AA group, and I wanted you to hear it from me.”

“That’s good dad,” Mikey said a little uneasy.

“I think so too,” Donald sighed heavily.  “Do me a favor and don’t tell Gerard, I want him to hear it from me.”

“Yeah, no problem.”  Mikey said feeling the first ounce of respect for his father that he had in years.

“Thank you,” Donald said turning to leave.  “One more thing, before I leave you alone.  I just wanted to tell you to have fun on this trip I know it’s been hard on you to have Gerard so far away.”

“Thanks, dad, I will.”  Donald nodded his head and finally left Mikey alone to his thoughts.  He didn’t want to jump the gun, but this felt like a ray of hope, the kind that would finally give Gerard and himself a sense of comfort and clarity.  


	15. Chapter 13

Even though he didn’t get much sleep, when his alarm went off at 5:30 am Mikey couldn’t hold back his smile.  After the conversation he had with his father, he packed his bag, and spent some time trying to write lyrics.  His excitement to see Gerard and Pete came out in the lyrics that he wrote.  None of them were any good, in his opinion, but that didn’t matter they were just for fun.

He quietly made his way to the bathroom so he could take a quick shower without waking his mom up.  She was going to have to drive, since his father wasn’t able to get time off to go up for the visit too.  Part of Mikey was happy to be in the car with his mom for about five hours, ever since he came out to her things had been changing a little bit.  In a good way.  The air seemed lighter around her, and he could see the effort she was putting in.  He’d never mention it but the other day she went to the bathroom and left her laptop open on the kitchen island.  Mikey wasn’t snooping, but when he passed by he noticed that the tab she was on was opened to some website for parents with LGBTQ+ children.  It made him smile.

 

***

 

Mikey hadn’t anticipated his shower to be so short.  But he was glad it was, because he decided to make his mom a breakfast sandwich after he put their bags in the car as a small way of saying thank you.  When she came downstairs Mikey had set out her breakfast and was in the midst of brewing a pot of coffee.

“Good morning honey,” Mikey’s mom greeted.

“Great morning actually,” Mikey chirped, “I put the bags in the car and made you breakfast.”  He turned to see his mom smiling at him like she was in a daze.

“What?” Mikey asked not sure why his mom was smiling like she knew something he didn’t.

“I’m just...I haven’t seen you so happy in a long time,” she took a seat at the kitchen island.  Mikey smiled and nodded his head a little before turning around again to grab two mugs, just as the coffee finished brewing.  One of them he filled to the brim with coffee, and the other he put a teabag in and started to heat up water for.  The water didn’t take long to boil and once it was done he set the cup of tea in front of his mother.  “Sit with me?”

Mikey sat down across from her and had to lean down to sip from his mug unable to lift it out with spilling it.  He didn’t want to risk losing any of his precious coffee.

“I know you want time alone with your brother and Pete, but would it be alright if we all went to dinner together?”  She took a sip of her tea as she waited for Mikey to answer her question.

“Of course, I want you to meet Pete for real this time,” Mikey said.  He hadn’t actually thought about his mom meeting Pete as his boyfriend rather than this friend who came to visit over the summer.  But now that he had he was excited.  “I’m actually really excited for you to meet Pete.”

“I’ve met him before,” Donna said through a bite of her sandwich.

“You’ve met Pete, a friend of Gerard.  This weekend you’re going to meet Pete, my boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend?” Donna said grinning, “when we talked you didn’t say boyfriend.  Oh Mikey I’m so happy for you.”

“Thanks mom,” Mikey said with a slight blush.  Donna and Mikey fell into a silence charged with excitement and before they knew it they were on the road.  There wasn’t much to do, but Mikey didn’t care.  This weekend was going to be perfect and he knew part of that reason was because his father wouldn’t be there to make anyone uncomfortable.

 

***

 

Gerard’s alarm went unheard for almost five minutes, but it somehow breached into Frank’s dreams.  It sounded louder than usual, and when he opened his eyes he understood why.  Last night he must’ve fallen asleep next to Gerard after Gerard and Mikey ended their phone call.  There was nothing but peace on Gerard’s face, and those red strands spread across his brow falling into his closed eyes.  Frank didn’t want to ruin that, but today was the big day.

“Hey,” Frank whispered brushing Gerard’s hair out of his face.  “Gee, it’s Mikey day.”  Gerard stirred but didn’t do much else.  Frank chuckled a little and reached for Geard’s phone to turn the alarm off.  When he sat up to grab it Gerard finally woke up.

“Shit, I’m sorry about your quiz,” Gerard said in place of a good morning.  Frank was amused by Gerard’s first thought of the day.

“We both know I was going to fail anyway,” Frank mused finally hitting the stop button on the lockscreen of Gerard’s cell phone.

“I doubt it,” Gerard said, “you’re smarter than you let on...how’d you keep from falling off the bed?”

“Pure miracle,” Frank joked, “I can’t believe I fell asleep, I’m sorry.”

“No worries,” Gerard yawned, “can you hand me that?”

Wordlessly Frank handed Gerard the phone.  He watched as the screen shone on Gerard’s face.  It was interesting to watch Gerard’s eyes rome over the screen, and then widened all of the sudden.

“They’re on their way,” Gerard chirped with excitement.  “I’ve got to get ready.”  Frank smiled resisting the urge to kiss Gerard.  After last night’s conversation seeing that smile on Gerard’s face made Frank’s heart flutter.  He never wanted it to leave Gerard’s lips.  But Frank didn’t act on the feeling, the promise to go slow bouncing around his head as he climbed off the bed so Gerard could get up to shower.

“I’m going to head out, I have to pick something up,” Frank told Gerard as he started to rummage around his drawers for something to wear.  He turned to see Gerard sitting up on his bed looking at his phone with a face of pure concentration.  “Is something bothering you?”  Frank asked pulling off his shirt and replacing it with a clean one that was just plain black.

“I wouldn’t say bothering,” Gerard mumbled looking up at Frank as Frank just finished pulling his shirt on.  “About last night.  I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that, it was weird and too personal.  Just forget that I said anything.”

“You know how you tell me not to apologize?” Gerard nodded his head, “So take your own advice.  Don’t apologize for how you feel, ever.”

Gerard didn’t respond instead he got off his bed and went to take a shower.  As the warm beads of water hit his shoulders he could feel the slightest bit of tension disappear down the drain with the runoff.  It had been over a month at college and things were already changing so much.  And even though Gerard could feel that, he still felt stuck, like all the change that was happening, was happening around him instead of to him.  Rationally he realized that wasn’t true, but that’s how he felt.  He had kissed Frank, and was finally coming to terms with who he was, but nothing felt different.  That numbing black hole still lingered ready to swallow him whole whenever it got its chance, and there were some nights he would dream of the taste of whisky, and the burn of vodka as it slid down his throat.  Everything was changing, but none that mattered because to Gerard everything felt the same.  As he reached to turn off the shower he heard someone talking.

“I bet he’s gay,” a voice that sounded slightly familiar said.

“So?” Another answered, “It’s the twenty-first century Bob, nobody gives a fuck anymore.”  Gerard appreciated the sentiment, but wanted to tell whoever that was, that he was wrong.  People, for some unknown reason, still cared.

“Dude,” Bob said exasperated, “aren’t you worried that he’ll make a move on you, or me?”

“Are you serious,” the other guy scoffed, “I’d be flattered that he’d think I was hot.  It would be a compliment.  Besides just because Frank might be gay that doesn’t mean he’d hit on you.  You’re probably not his type.  Gay guys tend to avoid homophobic assholes.”  Gerard heard the bathroom door slam shut.

Silently he threw on the pair of clean boxers he had brought into the bathroom with him, gathered the rest of things and left the shower stall.  Standing in front of the sinks was a guy he just barely recognized as the kid who was yelling because of the fire drill.  He was washing his hands, and Gerard was hoping he could sneak past without being noticed, but luck was never on his side.

“Sorry you had to hear that,” the guy said without looking up.  “I know Frank’s your roommate and it seems like you guys are even friends.”

“Thanks for what you said,” Gerard answered.

“Any decent human would’ve said the same thing,” the guys answered.  “I’m Andy by the way.”

“Gerard, and thanks again.” With that Gerard left the bathroom and went back to his room.  Bob was still in the hallway talking to some girl, she looked like she just wanted to be left alone.  Seeing him Gerard felt a wave of anger rush through his veins so he approached the pair.

“Can I help you?”  Bob asked.

“Yes actually,” Gerard said and the girl happily slipped away, Gerard didn’t speak until he heard her dorm room door slam shut.  “It would be helpful if you keep your nose out of my roommates sexuality.  It’s none of your business.”  Gerard didn’t wait for an answer, instead he turned on his heal and left Bob stanging in the hallway all alone.  

 

***

 

“We’re here,” Mikey’s mom cheered as she pulled onto the campus.  Mikey smiled as he sent Gerard a text announcing their arrival.  “October looks beautiful here,” Donna said trying to hide how excited she was to be there.

“It does,” Mikey answered.  It was October, it was only October.  That weekend at the end of August felt like a lifetime ago, but it really had been only about a month and a half.  So much had changed in so little time that Mikey was ready for some kind of stillness his life.  Donna pulled into a parking lot that was close to the dorms and they both sat in the car waiting for Gerard to come and get Mikey.  “He’s coming.”

“Mikey we need to talk,” Donna said turning the car off and looking at her son.  “I don’t know much about homosexual intercourse…”  
“Please don’t,” Mikey groaned as his face started to burn of embarrassment.

“Honey, I was going to give you this talk either way,” Donna said, “and since you’ll be unsupervised with Pete at points during this weekend I think it’s time we’ve talked.”  Mikey shifted uncomfortable and muttered something under his breath.  “I didn’t catch that.”

“I said we haven’t even kissed yet,” Mikey muttered his face reddening even more.

“That’s sweet,” Donna said, “but sometimes things start to move fast, and it can be hard to keep up with.  Just promise me that if you decide to...be intimate with Pete that you’ll be safe, because even though neither of you can get pregnant you still need to be careful of STD’s.  Also don’t do anything that you’re not ready for, and if you even start to second guess whether or not you are ready then you’re not.  I’m not condoning you having sex, but I won’t be mad if you do.  Just be safe and sure that you’re ready.”  

“I promise,”  Mikey coughed, “and we won’t...not yet.”

“You say that now-”

“He’s eighteen, I’m only sixteen.” Mikey interrupted, “I’m not going to have sex with him if it means he can get put on some sex offenders list because he’s of age and I’m not.  I’m not going to ruin his life.”

“Right,” Donna said trailing off, “well at least we got this talk out of the way.”  Now Donna was embarrassed she hadn’t even considered the fact that Mikey was dating someone who was considered an adult in the eyes of the law.  A knock on the driver side window saved them both from the embarrassed tension that filled the car.

Gerard waved at them through the window and Donna hurried to get out of the car, the corner of the door hit Gerard just a little.  Before Gerard could even say hello his mother wrapped him into a tight hug, one of those ones that are so intense both people start to rock back and forth.

“Hi mom,” Gerard chuckled, “I missed you too.”  Donna didn’t say anything, instead she squeezed Gerard tighter.  Mikey watched from inside the car, it looked like Gerard had lost a little weight.  And when he got out of the car he could see dark circles under his brother’s eyes, he even looked a little paler.  “Hey Mikey.”  Gerard said over his mother’s shoulder.

“Hey Gee,” Mikey said smiling, “I think she missed you.”

“I think you’re wrong,” Gerard teased.

“Stop teasing me,” Donna muttered as she finally released Gerard from her hug.  “I’m your mother I can’t help missing you,” she wiped her eyes to clear the few tears that had fallen.

“How’s everything at home?”  Gerard asked, Mikey and Donna shared a quick glance before shrugging their shoulders.

“Okay, I have to check in at the hotel, and give you two sometime to catch up.”  Donna said getting ready to leave them, “But tonight I’m taking you two, Pete and your roommate to dinner no excuses.”

“Okay,” Gerard said, “but I work until five.”

“Wait you’re working?”  Donna furrowed her brow.

“I thought I’d give Pete and Mikey some time without having an older brother supervising.”  Gerard looked over at Mikey, who’s face started to go red again.

“Did you know about this?”  Donna asked Mikey.

“Yeah, but-”

“Don’t forget what you just told me,” Donna said.  With a slight sigh she gave Gerard another quick hug, “okay I’ll be back at five thirty to get you for dinner.  Be safe and don’t do anything stupid.  Love you both.”  Mikey slung his backpack onto his back, and stepped onto the sidewalk.  The brothers watched as their mom drove away, and once she was out of sight they started to head towards Gerard’s dorm.

“She gave me the talk,” Mikey muttered rubbing the back of his neck.

“So I’m guessing the whole unsupervised time thing didn’t help,” Gerard said with a chuckle.

“Not really, but I brought up statutory rape and she stopped talking about it,” Mikey said.  “Are you eating?”

“Yes mom,” Gerard teased, “but it doesn’t look like you are.”

“Can we not lie to each other?”  Mikey asked as his stomach growled.  “I’ve been skipping lunch.”

“Me too, and breakfast.”  Gerard said honestly, “I just don’t have the time or energy for either.”

“You shouldn’t do that,” Mikey said glancing sideways at his older brother.  

“I eat dinner,” Gerard countered.

“That’s not enough Gee,” Mikey said, “you can’t slip back into the habit of not eating, it’s just going to hurt you all over again.”  Gerard just nodded not really sure what else to say, he knew his brother right, but it felt weird to admit.  As usual Gerard hated the Mikey was taking the role as the protective sibling, it wasn’t supposed to be Mikey who looks out for him, it was Gerard who was supposed to look out for Mikey.  Neither of them spoke again as the finished their trip back to Gerard’s dorm.

Once they got back to the room Mikey set his backpack on the floor.  It looked almost exactly the same as it did on move in day, except now Frank's things were all over the side of the room.  "I can't believe mom let me come," Mikey admitted. 

  
"Yeah, me too," Gerard agreed still kind of in shock that his brother was visiting him, especially during homecoming weekend.  "It's going to be a crazy weekend," Gerard told his brother what Frank had told him. 

  
"Cool," Mikey said.  He didn't care about the homecoming game, or the thousands of parties they could hit up this weekend.  All he cared about were three things: 1.) Being able to hang out with Gerard 2.) Seeing Pete and 3.) Meeting the infamous Frank Iero.  "Where's Frank?"  Mikey asked sitting on his brother's windowsill.

  
"I'm not sure," Gerard said getting up on his bed.  "He left early in the morning to go get something, he didn’t say what."  Mikey watched the small smile that appeared on his older brother’s face.  He was used to Gerard’s smile, but that was a different smile than he was used to seeing.  It wasn’t intentional, it wasn’t controlled, it wasn’t holding back anything.  It was raw, and subtle.  Mikey could tell from that smile, that their was some chance that his brother was happy, or at least closer to it then he had been in a while. And just as Mikey was going to make a comment to jokingly knock his brother down a peg the door burst open.

“Gee,” Frank said too excited to notice Mikey sitting on the windowsill, “look at these!  They’re the coolest cupcakes I’ve ever seen in my entire life.”  In his hands was box, it had the name of a bakery on it that Gerard didn’t recognize.  Mikey watched Frank curiously.  He still hadn’t noticed Mikey who was directly across from him because all he wanted to see was Gerard.  Mikey’s shoulder relaxed, as he noticed how great Frank was for his brother.  They were both happy, it was clear.  Although he was happy for his brother what he was witnessing made him even more antsy to Pete.  He hoped that Pete would be as happy to see him as he was to see Pete.  They planned to meet later in the day, and Mikey couldn’t wait.  

“I can’t see them,” Gerard said with a laugh.  Frank as if realizing he had the box closed nodded as he kicked the door shut.  They smiled at each other as if there was nobody else in the world.  Mikey hoped Pete looked at him like that.  “Frank, this is my brother Mikey, Mikey this is Frank.”  Finally Frank looked up to see Mikey who simply nodded at his brother's ‘it’s complicated.’

“Hey,” Frank crossed the room, “look at these cupcakes, they’re so cool.”  Frank opened the box showing Mikey a box that had six cupcakes in it.  Mikey was impressed, with the craftsmanship that had been put into them.  The fondant unicorns looked sickeningly sweet on top of the black frosting that would no doubt stain teeth, lips and tongues.  Mikey had to admit they were cool, and he could tell that Frank was trying to impress him for Gerard’s sake.  It was sweet.

“I can’t wait to try one,” Mikey said.  He already liked Frank there was no way he couldn’t.  “Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it,” Frank said placing the box on his desk.  “It’s nice to finally meet you, your brother talks about you a lot.”

“You too,” Mikey said.  “So what are the plans.”

“Pete said it’s a surprise you’ll see at noon,” Gerard said with a chuckle.     


 

***

 

Mikey had watched Gerard and Frank interact for a few hours, his stomach tightening every second he got closer to seeing Pete.  Everything Frank and Gerard did, every glance they stole of each other, every smile they shared, every laugh they belted out, made Mikey wish Pete was by his side.  When Gerard had left for his shift at  _ Bandit’s Records _ Frank and Mikey had time alone together.  It was awkward, neither of them used to having to talk because Gerard was usually good at being the one responsible for that, but before Mikey knew it, it was noon.  And Frank was leading him to Pete.

Mikey climbed the hill, he had made a mistake wearing jeans.  It was hotter than he thought it would be, and the hill was steeper than it looked.  But at the top of the hill he could vaguely see Pete holding a solo cup and knew the climb was worth it.

  
"Excited?"  Frank asked.

  
"Yeah," Mikey mumbled adjusting his glasses.  They were almost to the top and Mikey couldn't believe how much he was sweating.  But it didn't matter because Pete was within reach.  Frank lead the way over to where Pete stood with his back to them, Mikey almost missed Brendon and Patrick's presence all together.  They were just background figures, because all Mikey could focus on was Pete.    


"Mikey!"  Brendon cheered, taking a sip out of his cup.  Pete turned fast enough to lose half the contents in his cup, a smile cracking across his face.  Mikey couldn't help the one that split across his own chapped lips.     


"Hey," Mikey said lifting his hand in a quick, awkward wave.    


"We can do better than that," Pete said dropping his cup on the ground.  It fell in slow motion, the other half of the liquid splattering all over the ground like paint.  But even as the cup fell to the ground slowly, Pete closed the distance quickly.  Mikey was smiling as he prepared himself for a hug, but it was so much more than that.  Pete pulled Mikey into his arms, holding him as if he was never going to let Mikey go again.  And just when Mikey was convinced that he wouldn't Pete pulled back.

  
And he stole Mikey's very first kiss.  

  
Their lips connected like a closed circuit.  Pete's soft lips soothed Mikey's chapped ones like the perfect lullaby they both needed.  Mikey was surprised and his stomach flipped upside down filling with pressure, his mind completely silent for once.  He didn't think about the people around him, or his father's disapproval.  He didn't even think about the kiss, instead her rode the electricity it created, bringing him to a place that was usually so dark and lonely but now was brighter than Paris and more crowded than New York City.

  
Pete poured every last word he didn't have the guts to say into the kiss.  He let go of the compulsive need to be who everyone wanted him to be, because this is who he was.  He was a college boy in love with a fragile, brave, charismatic, under appreciated, high school boy.  He poured that into the kiss stealing air from Mikey, but giving it back in another way.  He pulled Mikey's body into his own, still not feeling close enough, and used his other hand to cup Mikey's neck. 

  
Both of them put the world aside for what felt like hours, but when the kiss broke up, it had only been seconds.  Not everything was fixed, and who knows it probably never would be, but at least they had each other.

  
"I love you kid," Pete said still holding Mikey's body close to his own.  They brought their foreheads together letting their ragged breaths mix in the space between them.

  
"I love you too," Mikey whispered as they stared at each other's lips.  Pete's were red and swollen, as were Mikey's.  "I've never felt more alive." 

  
"I want you to feel this way all the time," Pete told Mikey his voice and his words raw with truth.  "I won't let anyone hurt you, I love you and I protect the people I love.  Me and you, it's us against anyone who stands in the way and I'm ready to fight."  Although he didn't want to Pete pulled away, the world as they had known it came back into view but the colors were brighter, the sounds softer.  It had changed.  "Now I've got a water slide to dominant."  

  
Pete looked at the giant tarp, and the people who had set it up.  He took off at full speed still in a hoodie and a pair of shorts.  He hollered in excitement as he flung himself onto the slippery tarp.  He was met with cheers, but as he went down the hill all he heard was the echo of Mikey saying "I love you too."

His eyes began to sting, as he realized the soap that had coated the slide had gotten into his eyes, and the only reason he yelled was because of how high he was on that kiss.  Mikey watched laughing, as Pete dashed back up the hill, everybody cheering Pete’s name.

“Wait,” Mikey could hear Brendon say in the background, “is Pete gay too?”  

“I will pay you to shut up,” Patrick said with a heavy sigh, “I mean come on, we’ve been over this so many goddamn times I’m starting to worry you have brain damage.”

“Oh, yeah, that’s right.”  Brendon laughed a little.  Mikey didn’t even care because when Pete had made it back to the top he gave Mikey another kiss.  It was fleeting and fast, and nowhere as close to the first, but it still sent him into the bright crowded place.

“When did you go frat boy?”  Mikey teased Pete who stood so close he wasn’t sure if they had any space between them.  Pete always made Mikey feel that way.

“I would never,” Pete chuckled, “I’m just a fun guy, you know that Baby Boy.”  Pete winked at Mikey making his face heat up, and knowing that Pete would give him hell for it Mikey hid his face.  “Don’t hide your face, it’s been too long since I’ve seen it in person, I don’t want to lose precious time.”

“That was my first kiss,” Mikey told Pete with a shaky voice trying to change the subject.  

“How was it?”  Pete was suddenly struck by how pure Mikey was, and that he hoped he hadn’t ruined Mikey’s first kiss for him.  

“I wouldn’t have had it any other way,” Mikey smiled at Pete, and Pete smiled back.  From the side Frank couldn’t help but think that they both seemed oblivious to world, as if they were the only to that inhabited it.  He knew the feeling.


End file.
